BEST PPV
Summer Smash '99

MARK X: Summer Smash is my personal favorite event. We have 12 pay-per-views a year and the two that always stick out are Super Card and Summer Smash. I have to say, I'm happy to see this event win. The whole environment surrounding this PPV is amazing. Summer is just a fun time of year, and Summer Smash makes it that much better. This past year, Triple X vs Dean Warren headlined the event. Not only was it probably one of the best matches in the history of the CWF, but the storyline surrounding it was without a doubt the best ever. So thanks everyone for voting...although there was no way I could lose on this one. Keep on having fun and the CWF will keep on rollin'.

BEST FEUD
Triple X vs Dean Warren

[Don't Tread On Me by Metallica plays over the PA and Triple-X walks up to podium to grab the award. He comes out and grabs one of the awards, the other for Warren is still on the podium. Triple-X speaks]

TRIPLE X: Uh well, seeing that it takes two to win an award here is the guy who helped me put on a show that nobody will ever forget. Here's DEAN WARREN!

["I want my MTV" or whatever Dean's theme is plays and he walks out to Triple X. They shake hands a Triple X hands him his award.]

TRIPLE X: Me and Dean put on a show, well even though the little wanna-be got a fluke win over me ... I'm still the biggest mark in the CWF's history. This is but one of many awards I'll surely win tonight, so Dean...kiss off.

DEAN WARREN: Fluke? You little ...

[Warren tries to attack Triple-X with his award. Security has to pull the two away.]

BEST NEWCOMER
Silver

Silver was unable to attend the award show, but CWF officials have accepted his award for him. And stolen it.

BEST FEUD
Triple X vs Dean Warren

TRIPLE X: Well Dean has been taken to jail for tonight. I'll be sure to give him this award when I go to laugh at his sorry ass tonight. He shouldn't have attacked me because I said fluke. FLUKE FLUKE FLUKE!! Anyways, like I said earlier Dean and I put on a show that the CWF will never forget, it was a feud with a lot of backing and a lot of history. I think that's why it caught on so well. Plus all the promo's for the match were above average and still to this day I think some of the best ever. I'll see you peons a little bit later on ... when I win more gold. 2 for me... so far.

BEST ANGLE
Bounty on Mark X

WRAITH: I guess all those cries of "you better damn well recognize" payed off! This is really a proud moment for me. As I stand up here, I am holding an award that some of the top, and when I mean top I mean the BOYO BOLLOCKS of the CWF, have earned in their prestigious careers. The top wrestlers often excell at Rping, but as my friends Garret Michaels, Steve Dart, Jeff Jericho and Mark X would say... when it came to the angles, I was one of the best. I am a person who often refuse to believe something until it is recognized, and I think this award does that. I have always followed the belief that an E-fed handler should not just submit storylines to advance oneself, but also to advance those around you. Many a time I submitted a tactic in which I purposely lost a title, to make my own character mature, as well as to elevate those on the same or lower level. I have often seen a fed in which a owner or cardwriter will boast himself and no one else, and all those have failed. This tactic of mine has earned me respect from Mike Hewlin, a man I always thought to be impossible to work with orginally, Steve Duarte, the man who helped boost up my career, and of course Mark Xamin, whose co-operation allowed us to successfully pull off the bounty hunter angle. Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen, and one last message for Triple X.... Boyo I am one step closer to filling your boots. LIVE WITH IT!

BEST FINISHER
Viagara Falls - Mass Debater

[Thunderous, sustained, seemingly never-ending applause]

MASS DEBATER: "I am just completely shocked. I totally thought it would be one of the other eight jerkoffs."

[The fans erupt like a thousand year volcano and feverishly cheer for Massy. A chorus of "Please come back!" chants thunder throughout the arena. Massy can barely be heard above the cheers, Massy adjusts the microphone upon the podium, and he begins to speak once again]

MASS DEBATER: "Thank you, thank you so much, now everyone please sit down. Such applause, it's only for Best Finisher after all. Let me say to all of you, I can't do any better than that. (Laughter.) I'm so happy you appreciate all the time and effort jobbers, I mean, opponents, put into selling Viagra Falls so that I could gain all the glory. Oh, the stories I could tell of the chickens I have choked out and the monkeys I've spanked, fighting my way to the top. And I'd also like to thank the staff members of the Classic Wrestling Federation, that would be my fan club, of course, for all the money they will send me, just to have me acknowledge them as a carbon based life form. Thank you to my handful of fans for this prestigious honor, naming my, that's Mass Debater's, Viagra Falls as the best finishing move on earth. Someone else described it as "Not just any Small Package," and I couldn't put it any better myself... I want to thank everybody for voting for me. I had such a great time in the CWF. And to be singled out is such an honor. It's such a warm, wonderful feeling. It's very emotional. To have it come from the fans... I can't tell you how important it is to me. Thank you, thank you again my fans around the world, have a wonderful day. Goodbye everyone. I'm going to go and find a place to whack off. Would you like to cum with me? (Laughter.) Goodnight, and thank you again for voting for me. It's not how big it is, it's how you use it!"

[Again, thunderous, sustained, seemingly never-ending applause]

MOST HARDCORE
Z-Pac

Z-PAC: Before we get started I'm gonna step out of character as they say in this biz. Well, my fellow wrestlers have made the best choice they've ever made and voted me the most Hardcore in the most important category. Now why couldn't you vote me best World Champion?!? But in my day, alot of jokers have come and gone saying they were Hardcore, but they've all faded away and Z-Pac, the kid who started off with nothing but a dumb name, is still here and you've all made it official one more time, that I am, I always will be, The King of Hardcore. When I first came to the CWF, no one gave a shit about Hardcore, eveyrone else was too busy having submission classic matches and shit like that. But I took a dead style and I made it something again. It took time and patience espicailly when the big guns were looking down on me saying how I was a Hardcore freak and wouldn't amount to anything. Well, about a year and a half later, Hardcore is one of the most respected areas of wrestling now, and I hope that what I did then has paved the way for many more Hardcore superstars to come. So thanks for the award, it just isn't for me, its for the entire style of Hardcore, which will some day, be on top of the wrestling world! Z-Pac says thank you and be good to one another. Hehehe.

BEST TAG TEAM
Liver & Onions 2000

ONIONS: Hey Liver...uh, we won an award.

LIVER: Good one, Liver. HAW HAW HAW!

ONIONS:HAW HAW HAW! I'm serious...

LIVER: HAW HAW HAW! Well I guess there's only one thing left to do...

[Liver walks over to his new turntables. He puts on the Assaulted Nuts theme song]

#ASS....ASS......ASS.....ASSAULTED NUTS. ASS....ASS....ASS#

ONIONS:DOUBLE HAW HAW HAW! You made the music swear. You're cool, Liver. HAW HAW HAW!

LIVER: I know. HAW HAW HAW!

FUNNIEST WRESTLER

"Nuclear" Shawn Wright

"NUCLEAR" SHAWN WRIGHT: Your idol has returned for one final interview! You poor motherfuckers have been sitting at home staring at your 10" black and white TV screens watching fuckin' pussies like Dallas Storm and Johnny Keel flap their mouths for god knows how long, and they're supposed to provide you with laughter? Nah, fuck that shit. Only one guy can provide you with real knee slappers. Did I just say knee slappers on television? Fuck! Fuck you all. Fuck you all to hell. I don't need your god damned awards to prove I'm the coolest, wittiest, funniest fuck in CWF history! I am the Jesus of wrestling. Mother fucker. Your idol has spoken!

MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT

Jeff Jericho falls from cage suspended from the ceiling.

BEST MIC SKILLS

"Nuclear" Shawn Wright
"NUCLEAR" SHAWN WRIGHT: Thats right. Thats what I'm talkin' bout. You crazy mother fuckers know who the fuck I am, and you know god damn mother fuckin' well, nobody in the CWF can work a mic like Shawn Wright, your idol. Damnit. Listen, I gotta go fuck the shit out of some bitches, so if you'll excuse me.

MOST IMPROVED WRESTLER

T-Money
T-MONEY: Thank you everyone. It's wonderful to know that you still care for me. First of all, I would like to thank Mark X. for being by my side through thick and thin. Me and the ol' knucklehead have been through a lot together...he's like a brother to me. Second of all I would like to thank the CWF fans, because without them, none of this would've been possible. Last but not least, I would like to thank the CWF superstars for giving me the best competition this business has to offer. Again, I would like to thank you all...the Headliner is finished talking.

BEST PREZ

Mark X
MARK X: Wow. Thanks a lot guys. I'm kinda surprised, I thought Todd or Steve had this one in the bag. Well "in character", Maniac and Jeff Jericho are in charge. But off camera, I'm back in the hotseat. So if you guys thought I was best prez, then you're in for one hell of a treat, because I have a lot of idea's for this next year, and hopefully you'll all stick around for it. I'd like to thank each and every wrestler who every stepped foot in a CWF ring. Without you guys there is no CWF. And to all the critics who ever doubted me, and said I didn't know what I was doing....fuck you!

BEST WORLD CHAMPION

Triple X
TRIPLE X: Good god if there ever was a such thing as a no-brainier, this was it! If you have a list of World Champions that include Jeff Jericho, Bain, Silver, Z-Pac, Pledge, and Massy .... and then there's me. I'm like an Oreo cookie. The brown being the mid-card slugs, and the white being me ... the greatest CWF World Champeeeeeen ever. I said it when I was beating all the poor half-witted twits for the belt ... and I'll say it again, Triple-X is the Five Time World Champ and not only that but the BEST damn CWF World Champion to ever grace this promotion.

BEST ROLEPLAYER

Todd Kephart
TODD KEPHART: Well it's been a hard year for the CWF but the majority of the year was triumphant. My character, Triple-X he handled business in the CWF. But I couldn't accept this award if I didn't thank the guys who helped me get it. One, I want to thank Jon G and Dean Crymes for getting me started in this thing we have come to love/hate. Second I want to thank anyone I had the pleasure or in some cases, displeasure of roleplaying against. Namely, Dean Crymes, Mike Hewlin, Bain, Steve Almeda, Tony Vela, and Steven Aimsworth. Thanks. Even though I'm not actively roleplaying in the CWF anymore, I'm still around watching and waiting, so you better watch what you say or I may have to call Triple-X and get him back. Haha, good evening.

WRESTLER OF THE YEAR

Triple X
TRIPLE X: Do I have anything else to say? I'm going home with more gold in my hands than what was around Mr. T's neck. I've been out here what 4 times before now and this is the fifth award for me. That's got to be some damn record or something. I think it is, look at that, another award for me!! Most World Championships, Best World Champion, Best Roleplayer, Best Match, Best Feud, Grand Slam Champion ... mwhahahaha what else can the biggest mark in the CWF's history do now? I'm going to Disney Land! Heh, to all the others who were nominated I want to thank you all for being talentless pukes who don't know the difference from a hip toss and a ham sandwich. Now I've got to call someone to help me carry all this hardware out to the limo ... CWF take care ... and congratulations to me! 1