Live, from New York...It's The Bobby Crane Show! Here is your host..."Beautiful" Bobby Crane!
Bobby Crane comes out from behind a curtain and waves to the audience. He moves to center stage, takes a bow and walks over to a large wooden desk on a raised platform to the left of the stage. He sits down in a large leather chair and starts to address the audience...
BC: Thank you, thank you, thank you! Welcome to a very special episode of The Bobby Crane Show. Tonight's show, folks, is going to be a classic Backstage, we have almost the entire CWF Roster and everyone's got something to get off their chests. God knows what could happen tonight? All I know is that we have extra security here in case things get out of hand. Let's get things off with a bang, shall we? My first guest is one of those CWF Superstars that needs no introduction.but we're gonna give him one anyway.put your hands together for the current CWF National Champion."The Nitemare" Rob Osbourne.
'Nightmare' by Crooked X plays and fog from a smoke machine fills the front of the stage as purple light shoots from lenses beneath the fogger making the smoke have a purple glow. Osbourne steps through the curtain clad in stereo-typical Rob Osbourne fashion. A pair of black Kenneth Cole trousers, a purple Under Armour shirt with a matching black blazer. A gold cross hangs from the chain adorning his neck. His bangs are pulled into a braided pony tail that lays back over the length of his hair in the back. His trademark purple Oakley Frogskins are on the bridge of his nose and the CWF National title belt is draped over his shoulder. He sits down in the first spot next to Crane's make shift desk.
BC: Welcome to the show Rob.
NRO: It's a pleasure to be here Bobby.
BC: Rob we've know each other for years and I have seen you take on some of the best that not only the CWF has to offer, but the entire wrestling world. Let me ask you this. What is your most memorable match?
NRO: Of my entire career or just in the CWF?
BC: Both. Give me one of each.
NRO: Sheesh, that's a tough one Bobby. I'd have to say the most memorable match OUTSIDE of the CWF would be a dead even tie. First you have MWWF Stayin Alive in 1997..
BC: Wait a minute. Before you tell me about the one that ties that one, I wanna hear more. I remember that date. It is a date that lives in infamy in the wrestling world isn't it?
NRO: You could say that. First of all, I had lost my title in what is considered one of the biggest upsets of the 90's in our sport just a month before, to an up and coming Maniac.
BC: Wait.before you go on, why was it an upset? If my memory serves me correctly, and it always does, didn't you have a 103 degree fever and full on influenza on that night?
NRO: That's right Bobby, I did. I still almost won the match, but alas, he came out with his hand raised in victory and claimed his place at the table. The wrestling world accepted what they had been trying to avoid and look the other way about for a very long time, and that was the impact The Maniac would have on this industry.
BC: We'll talk about that more in a minute, but take us back to 1997. What happened at Stayin Alive?
NRO: Well Bobby, like every great champion throughout history.I came.I saw.I conquered. I won the MWWF World title back from Maniac handedly.
BC: No no, you ain't getting off that easy. Tell the people out there what you did next.
NRO: Oh.well. That. Yeah. Several of the boys in the back, myself included, had grown weary of the recently returned owner, Mo Shirazi's way of doing things. The Edge had decided enough was enough. Secretly, he had gained several private investors, myself being one of them, and launched the Elite Wrestling Alliance. We had EVERYTHING done in supreme secrecy. What Mo didn't know was that MWWF Stayin Alive was a dual broadcasted show.
BC: For the idiots at home that don't have a clue what that means, tell them.
NRO: Well, say CNN and Fox News are both covering the same press conference. The guy speaking is shown on both channels at the same time saying and doing the same thing. A dual broadcast. Only, what no one in the MWWF front offices knew is that this was the also the EWA's debut show. I won the title, I walked up the ramp, and I dumped it in a garbage can. Half the roster walked out the front doors of the arena ten minutes later.
BC: That's some diabolical stuff to pull Rob Osbourne. I love it! Straight gangster.
NRO: The second most memorable non-CWF match I have had was with my brother Chris at a Pay Per View event in the EWA a year later. It was named after my finisher.well.my dad's finisher that I still use to this day.
BC: Now, if I'm not mistaken, wasn't that event held just a couple of days after your dad's funeral?
NRO: Yes it was Bobby. It was very surreal and fitting all in one. As you well know, pay per views are named months in advance. The feuds set up for the matches that take place are done a few weeks in advance as well, for the most part. This event, named after dad's finisher, featuring one son as the champion - me - and another son as the challenger - Chris.
BC: Now your dad knew this match was going to happen before he passed didn't he?
NRO: he did. His last words to me in fact were "God damn it Robbie.can't you ever let Chris win?" Don't get me wrong, I heard that my whole life. Didn't matter if it was playing a board game, racing bikes, or in a wrestling ring. I always beat him and he always went crying to dad. I was bound and determined to go out there that night and stomp a mud hole in his ass and walk it dry.but my mom came into my dressing room thirty minutes before the match and begged me to do the j-o-b. She said Chris was so very depressed over the old man going. They hadn't been on good terms towards the end. So.I did it. I did the j-o-b at the p-p-v. Chris nails the DDT.he hooks the leg.and I just didn't even bother kicking out. I let him have his moment. And I have regretted it every day since then.
BC: Wow. How about your most memorable CWF match?
NRO: Now that's a tough call. I would say winning the 20 man battle royal in 2004 was a pretty big deal. Winning the National title from Jimmy Jugs was a high spot. I think my biggest and most memorable CWF match is yet to come Bobby.
BC: Good answer. Speaking of the future. Your son recently joined the ranks of the CWF. Tell me what you though and how you felt when you learned the news that he had been signed, and then what it was like the first time his music hit and he walked out onto that ramp.
NRO: Oh God man. It was the same kind of rush the first time I saw him as the doctor pulled him out. I was so utterly proud.and scared at the same time.
BC: Scared? The Nitemare? Say it ain't so.
NRO: What I meant Bobby, is the fear every parent has about their child. It doesn't matter if they are moving off to college, joining the military or signing up to beat people up for a living. You want them to do well, you want them to succeed, you want them to shine bright and soar as high as they can. But at the same time you don't want to see them get hurt. You don't want to see them fail. You don't want to see them crash back to the earth and sink low in the face of adversity either.
BC: Wow.that's..that's deep Rob. I don't think you have anything to worry about with little Bob. From what we've seen thus far, he is a chip off of the old block.
NRO: Yeah, the apple definitely doesn't fall far from the tree Bobby. In my honest and professional opinion, being his father aside, he's got quite a shot next Saturday night of walking out of Showdown with the Unified title.
BC: Yes he does. But to do that he has to get through a man you are no stranger to, Sickboy.and the current Unified Champion.The Raving Lunatic.
NRO: Junior'll have no problems at all with the sick one. And he'll do okay against Curtis Wilkes as well.
BC: Say huh? I'm confused.
NRO: You shouldn't be Bobby. Sickboy has as much chance of winning that Unified title from Lunatic as he had of winning the National title from me. Slim to none. The Lunatic himself is a modern day Maniac.
BC: He's gonna beat you and embarrass you and cause you to leave town?
NRO: No smart ass, he's a fluke. A flash in the pan. A one hit wonder.
BC: That remains to be seen. Let me ask you about the newly revealed identity of "The Black Mask" - what are your thoughts?
NRO: Thoughts? None. I've said it for the last month, and I will continue to say it - Shock Value is nothing more than that Bobby - shock value. There is no substance to what they do. They obviously cannot all stay on the same page and co-exist. Adams loses the world title, Daniels squanders another CWF title opportunity against yours truly, and Jeff Jericho hasn't been seen in the flesh in an up close shot. In fact, it is my belief that for the past two months they have been parading a look alike around here right under the noses of the CWF fans.
BC: So it doesn't surprise you at all that Mark Xamin was the Black Mask?!?
NRO: Not at all Bobby. Not at all. In fact, in retrospect it makes perfect sense. The only reason Magnus has that title belt is BECAUSE of Mark being under that mask and in Adams's hip pocket. Otherwise it would be my half-brother Pledge with that strap around his waist and the one I'd be gunning for. Instead, I get the daunting task of ridding the CWF of yet ANOTHER seven foot five, five hundred plus pounds reigning champion. Call 1-800-SUCKASS and ask Jimmy "The Jugger-nut" Washington what its like when you face me Magnus. Wait, you know what, you don't even have to do that. Just walk down to Shock Value's locker room. None of them have ever..ever...EVER beat me in a singles match, tag match, triple threat, fatal four way, six man tag, eight man team match, twenty man battle royal, etc. You get the point.
BC: That's not accurate. No. That's dead wrong. Just a few weeks ago when Blair attacked Bob you suffered a loss to Adams and Daniels in a tag match in the main event on Showdown.
NRO: NO! NO I DIDN'T!! PLEDGE ALLIGENCE SUFFERED A LOSS TO SHOCK VALUE!!! NOT ME!!!
Osbourne leaps to his feet and flings the sofa out of the way. Bobby Crane quickly to his feet as well and raises his fists in front of Osbourne.
BC: Whoa jack, back the hell up. You lay a hand on me and I'll sue you for everything you have!!
Osbourne flexes in Crane's direction and the older man jumps up. Osbourne starts cracking up and as 'Nightmare' by Crooked X plays he walks off the set.
BC: Wow! The Nitemare...always insightful! We'll be back right after this...
BC: Welcome back! As insightful as The Nitemare was, I am definitely looking forward to hearing what my next guest has to say and I'm sure you're just as eager as I am. So, Ladies and Gentlemen, at this time it is an honor and a privilege for me to introduce to you, one of the founding fathers of Shock Value, "The Dangerous One" Keith Daniels!!
As he speaks, the camera pans to the left, Keith Daniels steps into view and sits down in a leather chair perpendicular to the chair occupied by Bobby Crane. Daniels relaxes in his chair and leans back with a smirk on his face.
BC: Welcome, Keith. Glad to have you here today.
KD: The pleasure's all yours.
BC: Of course it is. So let's not waste any time and get right into it. At Summer Smash, you faced "The Nitemare" Rob Osbourne in a match for the National Title and, in a valiant effort, you came up short. How will you rebound--
KD: Let me assure you, Crane, that had it not been for his act of desperation to start the match, it would've turned out completely differently. Everyone was there. Everyone saw the match. It's almost a moot point to even talk about it. But Osbourne will spend time tooting his own horn I'm sure, as he knows just how big a victory over me, no matter how tainted, is for his career. Osbourne is one of those guys that runs around like a chicken with its head cut off boasting about this victory and that, beating this legend or that, et cetera, et cetera. He does this because he knows for a fact just how much of a big deal he's not. Back when he "won" the Blair Jericho Rumble in two thousand and one, no one cared. It didn't help ratings that he was in a World Heavyweight Title match with Z-Pac because, well, everyone knew he wouldn't get the job done. That's not to mention that everyone who watched that Rumble knew that he didn't deserve to win it.
As a matter of fact, the outcome had nothing at all to do with him other than he was the only legal participant left in the ring. It wasn't even until there had been major work done at the hospital that night that he even realized he won. Back then, he was Unified Title material. He's not too much better now, but the difference is that he only had to beat the Juggernaut to win the National Title. The Juggernaut? At least now he has a victory he can use to justify his title reign.
BC: He has talked time and time again about his victory over Brian Adams.
KD: A victory he needed help to get! He is dying to hold the CWF World Title, and now is his best time to strike. He knew, all things even, that he could not beat Brian Adams. Hell, he couldn't beat me in an even fight when it comes right down to it. So now that Magnus Thunder is the champion, if he wants to hold that World Title, he'd better go for it now. That way, he can hold it for a month before Brian, myself, or another member of the roster takes it from him next month. "I've beat so-and-so, and I've been CWF World Champion!" Yeah, everyone knows that would come, in the midst of a bunch of unneeded profanity no less. He's a fraud and he knows it. It's only a matter of time before everyone else figures it out.
BC: Last week, Osbourne spent a lot of time talking about paying homage to those who came before you. Let me run through the list with you really quick, since I'm sure everyone would be interested to hear your reaction. We'll start with 'Hotshot' Mike Stewart
KD: He was a product of poor competition. Next.
BC: How about "Studly" Steve Dart?
KD: What about him? Too generic. I would've killed him.
BC: Here's an interesting one. What about "The Golden One" Jeff Jericho?
KD: He was a legend in this sport. He's not quite the man he used to be, but nonetheless still someone to be feared in the ring. Nonetheless, when he was in his prime, I've beaten him, so not a valid point by Osbourne, some who makes many invalid points as it is.
BC: Next is Jimmy Blast.
KD: Is he serious? The "Blaster" was another of these products of poor competition. Had I been around when he was, he wouldn't have been able to shine my boots in that ring.
BC: Another interesting one. How about "The Ruler" Paul Blair?
KD: Like Jericho , you never know what Blair will pull out of his hat. But Blair I'm more familiar with, as I've beaten him multiple times in the past. Osbourne's really batting a thousand at this point, isn't he?
BC: So it seems. And then, there's always the infamous "Hardcore Legend" Z-Pac.
KD: Y'know, he was someone I always wanted to get in the ring with. Not because I'm not sure who would've won, but because I would've thoroughly enjoyed making a mockery of him, as he is a multiple time World Champion, who never should've been Champion as much as he was. He was a joke as a main eventer, and I would've let everyone know that straight up. I remember when he tried to take the RW World Title away from me once upon a time, and instead, got arrested for his efforts. Funny thing, karma.
BC: Next up, Mike Van Pro.
KD: There we go, finally a name Osbourne can use against me. Defended my Mid Atlantic Title against him back in two thousand... Four was it? Yeah, unsuccessfully. Not to mention the first match we were supposed to have, but he refused to show up. Scared much? But I'm sure he would be cake to dispatch of these days.
BC: Someone close to the heart of Osbourne, as he mentioned Pledge Alligence.
KD: What did Pledge Alligence ever do for the CWF? Nothing. Ever. He fluked his way to a World Title, and has otherwise been more hype than talent. And I say that even when he's had no hype. The guy's worthless. Not to mention, I've already pinned him this era.
BC: He also brought up former CWF World Champion, "The Flawless One" Brian Adams.
KD: While I admit that he's the only one in this federation that I'd consider to be on my level of competition, that far exceeds the rest of the roster, even he has fallen victim to a loss at the hands of yours truly. For a World Title no less. Why don't you ask Osbourne if he's ever beaten Adams for a World Title? Then, he and I could talk.
BC: What about the monster, Nemesis?
KD: Didn't we dispatch him in nearly record time from the Blair Jericho Rumble? Oh no, wait. That was Blair's little assistant, Earl. What a monster, huh?
BC: How about Jimmy Luciano?
KD: Someone else I'm sure Osbourne wishes he was. But no, not too familiar with him.
BC: How about CWF's newest acquisition of former CWF talent, T-Money?
KD: T-Money has always been a joke. Even now, he's still a joke. Anytime he wants to try and open his mouth about it, you let him know that he can come find me and prove it to me himself. I'll embarrass him like I should've back in two thousand one with my guaranteed National Title match.
BC: What about former National Champion, WildCard?
KD: A former National Champion, nothing more. Anyone heard from him since? I didn't think so.
BC: What about former Mid Atlantic Champion Evil Andu?
KD: He spent too much time doing "favors" for Z-Pac to actually be anything on his own. Waste of the CWF minimum salary.
BC: Here's someone I'm sure you're familiar with, Chemical X.
KD: Chemical X came before me? Uh... Osbourne, you might want to review your facts on that one. Not to mention the multiple times I, and everyone else, has beaten him. That's no feat at all.
BC: How about Astro?
KD: Again, Rob needs to check his facts. He wasn't even in CWF when I was. He came around IoA time, if I'm not mistaken. But again, it's no feat to beat him either.
BC: And finally, the former National Champion, Juggernaut.
KD: Has Osbourne had a CAT scan recently? He should know better than to throw out the name of a new guy as someone I need to pay homage to. The guy should be watching my film, reviewing my matches. That way, at least he's studying someone who is a success. Not Chemical X. Paved the way for me? Puh! It took him this long to win a championship, unlike me. They may have paved the way for him, but he needs to keep that to himself.
BC: He claims to have beaten all the men on this list. And that you haven't handed these men their asses.
KD: Please, oh PLEASE show me this footage. I want to see where he beat Z-Pac, where he beat Luciano, where he beat WildCard. Hell, where he beat Jericho . He's a fraud. Plain and simple. Granted, some of them I haven't fought. But the men on this list that I have, barring my lone match with Mike Van Pro, I've very much handed them their asses. Let me say this very simply to you, Rob Osbourne. Get... Your... Facts... Straight... You... Phony... Mother...
BC: This is national TV. You really shouldn't say that next word.
KD: The FCC has my phone number on speed dial. Trust me. It was funny when I told them that was really urine and the CWF denied it.
BC: So now that we're done with Summer Smash, and we're gearing up for Scars and Stripes, what are your plans?
KD: Well, it is Scars and Stripes, right?
KD: Since Osbourne is likely preoccupied by his quest for the World Title, I think I'll go after the next best thing.
BC: The Unified Title?
KD: No, no. I'm a bit too much of a big deal to be setting my sights on that right now. I'll come back for it though, don't you worry. No, I think I'm going to make this math problem easier. My next target is none other than Mr. Scars and Stripes, Pledge Alligence.
BC: Pledge? Why would you go after him?
KD: I'm going to effectively eliminate him from the equation. Once all those underneath Osbourne fall, he is bound to. And the day I get to witness his breakdown, the end of his career, or the end of his life if it comes right down to it, will be the single greatest day in CWF history. You see, Osbourne seems to believe last month was about the National Title. He's partly right, but my only true interest in the belt is to take away what Rob holds dear. I want to watch him collapse under his own weight. But if that doesn't work, then I will watch him collapse under mine.
BC: So you want to take Rob Osbourne out?
KD: By any means necessary. If I have to take titles from him? Fine. If I have to destroy those he holds closest to him? So be it. If I have to take him out completely, it will be so. And thus it begins at Showdown next week. We will destroy Osbourne and Pledge, and also the two guilty by association members of the team, Magnus and T-Money, and then the march to the gallows will begin for Pledge. For now? It's only a matter of time.
KD stands up and walks toward the camera. He gets right into the camera.
KD: Pledge, you will pay for your brother's mistakes. There is no question. And it won't be a matter of whether or not I am better than you. It will be whether or not you can survive. And if I have anything to do with it, you WON'T!!
The camera then falls to the ground, and suddenly... Static.
The screen fills with white before slowly fading in are abs. An instrumental of Anywhere by The Presets plays in the background. An over the top, soft spoken female French voice can be heard.
Camera then cuts to flexed biceps.
VV: Is nothing without charm. Danger.
Camera quickly cuts to one half of black shades with the letter 'V' in the middle of the lens.
VV: Is nothing without style.
The camera then cuts to a shot of long hair.
VV: Fear, loathing, pity. only for the fugly.
Camera cuts to a close up of a smile. Perfect white teeth.
VV: The world owes you nothing, but to him everything!
Camera cuts to a pair of triceps, before fading out to white once more. Text the appears.
VV: 'Vincent Vegas. God-like Genius'
The scene fades from the weird video and we are back in the CWF studio "Da Xtreme Gangsta" James Baker & his agent/friend Malik Jones are about to be interviewed by Bobby Crane.
BC: Welcome James, Malik. I'm glad you can do this sit down interview.
MJ: No problem.
JB: Just get this damn thing over with.
BC: Okay very bad attitude. I like it. Anyways James what are your thoughts on Mariano hitting you with the Yakusa kick & pinning you to win that triple threat match?
James doesn't answer
BC: Why is James giving the silent treatment?
MJ: James is just a little bit frustrated cause the plan at Summer Smash didn't go too well when the computer nerd won the match. That little lightweight midget got lucky, but his luck will run out eventually.
BC: Why did you hand James a roll of quarters to use on Mariano at Summer Smash.
MJ: Well it's part of my job description. My job description is to simply help James win at any cost & if the fans decide to shit on it well then too bad cause James doesn't give a rats ass about the fans or any other crybaby here in CWF.
BC: True that there are a lot of crybabies here in CWF. So what are James' plans from today until whenever?
MJ: James is gonna kick some ass, take names & win championships. James' goal right now is to take care of the mexican jumping bean Mariano Fernandez. Mariano has had a couple of fluke victories over James & James has been a bit angry over that
BC: Mexican jumping bean. That's some good stuff. There's no doubt that James has the ability to win a world title here in CWF, but will his dominance in Mexico translate over here in the United States where he has an abysmal record of 10-13?
MJ: Well of course it will translate into success. James is without a doubt one of the top stars in the world today & he's gotta go through some tough opponents in CWF, but me & him both know that we will be successful against those tough opponents.
BC: Well let's get into the July 11th edition of Showdown. James Baker will be in another triple threat match, but his opponents this time will be Terry Richards & CWF newcomer Vincent Vegas. Now what are your opinions on James having to face these two?
MJ: What the hell is this pretty boy Vincent Vegas guy supposed to be. Well regardless of what or who he is, it doesn't matter cause I strongly believe that James will get the job done & he will be one step closer to moving himself onto bigger & better things.
BC: What are James' thoughts on Terry Richards?
MJ: Richards ain't nothing either. He's not good enough to tie my shoes so what makes him good enough to compete with "Da Xtreme Gangsta". Of course I will be out there with James just to give him moral support. Hell everyone has to have moral support.
BC: I agree, Everyone needs moral support. Why the hell does James have that spiked out bat in his hand?
MJ: That's a question I wouldn't have asked. Hell I don't even know why he has it & i'm not gonna ask him why either.
BC: Well unfortunately management has told me to let you guys go. It was great speaking to you Malik about James' happenings & it was also great to bring James along for the ride. Any last words.
James looks into the cameras with his spiked out bat in his hand
JB: Vegas, Richards. At Showdown you two suckas don't stand a chance against "Da Xtreme Gangsta". If you haven't already figured out, I am a living, breathing psychotic gangsta who will do anything & I mean anything to claim victory in a match & quite honestly I don't care how far I have to go to get that win & to prove a point. As for the end of this interview segment with me. Well how's this for an ending?
James swings his spiked out bat & breaks the camera into pieces. James now has a wicked smile on his face as Malik Jones approves of James' mood & Bobby Crane is just standing there in amazement.
BC: Welcome back to The Bobby Crane Show!
The crowd cheers
BC: Joining me now , the man who made his debut at Summer Smash... Terry Richards!
There's a significant pop
BC: So, Terry Richards, how did you feel when you stepped into that stadium at the biggest PPV of the summer?
TR: You know what, Bobby? That's the most non-sense question I've ever heard. You already made your debut in CWF, right?
BC: (smiling) Now THAT'S a stupid question. All of us debut!
TR: Oh god...(looks at the sky) So you already know what it feels like to debut in CWF! Why are you asking me?
Some members of the audience laugh
BC: So the PEOPLE (points his index finger to the crowd) can know that, Richards! Seriously! You might be the dumbest person ever to step in this company!
TR: (laughing) Bobby , how did you ever became a legend? Didn't you understand I'm poking fun at you?
BC: (attempting to grin) Oh, right... It was supposed to be funny...
TR: Just continue the damn interview.
BC: Ok. Let's continue the interview with the man who got smashed by some quarters.
TR: (feeling humiliated) Like you were even worth a penny...
The crowd laughs
BC: (starting to get mad) - Oh, this guy thinks he's funny! You're really, really funny!
TR: (to the crowd) - See, he's already starting to lose the spotlight.
Some laughs erupt from the audience
BC: As you insignificant little rookie know, you will face James Baker and Vincent Vegas, making his debut, in a triple threat match at the July 11th edition of Showdown. What are your thoughts on that?
TR: It's obvious that I'm going after James Baker. Vincent Vegas is just an extra obstacle. I've already Shock Drop'd him once and I can do it again.
BC: Okay. So, you don't care at all about Vincent Vegas?
TR: I'm curious to see what he can do. But I'm mainly focused on James Baker and Malik Jones.
BC: And what are your thoughts on the little whelp who won the Triple Threat, Mariano Fernandez?
TR: Although he defeated me, Marian's a great athlete. I think we should team up one of these days.
BC: Yeah , so I could humiliate you both in live television. I consider that interesting.
TR: Could "Bullock" Bobby Crane stop being such a pain in the ass to everyone?
BC: (surprised) - A pain in the ass? Really? A little idiot like you insulting a legend like me?
Bobby Crane freaks out and slaps Richards in the face. The crowd goes "Ooooh!".
TR: No wonder everyone hates you.
Richards gets up and goes away
BC: Come back here , Richards! We're not done yet!
Terry returns to the set
TR: Oh no, we're not. I have some words for James Baker and Malik Jones: Get ready. For you , Bobby , I've got a couple of words for ya: F*ck (censored) off!
The crowd is in shock. Terry Richards grabs his chair and throws it against Bobby. He manages to avoid it at the last second.
BC: You're insane! What are you doing , you twerp?
Terry leaves the stage for good
BC: Hum... ladies and gentlemen , after this "incident"...I guess it's time for a commercial break! See ya!
BC: Welcome back, everyone. Allow me to introduce to you, my next guest. Please join me in welcoming at this time, Motion!
Motion comes out, shakes Bobby's hand and takes a seat.
BC: Welcome Motion, glad you could make it.
Motion: It's good to be here.
BC: Now first off, congratulations on your victory at Summer Smash. Do you think your rivalry is finally over with Alex Ruettiger?
Motion: Well I hope so, I've beaten him twice now and hopefully I can just move on. And I hope Alex does as well.
BC: Now people backstage are saying that both your victories have been lucky that you used bad mind games and that at Summer Smash, the only reason you won was because of Amanda coming out, now I of course think so, but what do you have to say about that?
Motion: I'm not happy about that, not one bit. A few weeks ago when I faced Alex, I played a few mind games, one of which was where I walked over to Amanda who was at ringside. Alex then saw what I was doing, and dived at me from inside the ring. Alex actually hurt himself while doing the suicide dive so all I had to do was crawl into the ring before the count of ten and I did that. After the match, people stayed it was a fluke, that I was lucky to win. I called it good strategy, for me to distract him and to have him make a mistake.how is that a fluke? That was good thinking. And yet people still called it a fluke. That's when I knew that I had to face him again, one on one, man to man. And we did that at Summer Smash. I had the upper hand when suddenly Amanda comes down to the ring. Alex quickly switched things around and as Amanda is coming down to the ring, Alex is under the ring looking for a weapon to hit me with.
BC: Of course that's the only way he can beat you.
Motion: Exactly, but anyway as he was searching for the weapon, Amanda went behind him and Alex hit her out of the way. Most people say, he thought I was Amanda, I think otherwise but anyway, as he hit her, he went over to her and that's when I took advantage of the situation. I took control of the match from that point, gave him a Motion Picture through a table and then another one inside the ring for the 3 count. Again, people say it was a fluke, I say it was just me beating him for a second time. You decide?
BC: Of course, I agree with you. You just beat him plain and simple. Now lets talk about why you faced Alex at Summer Smash, it wasn't just a random match put together. Care to tell us why this match took place.
Motion: Well it all started when we first faced each other. As you know I walked over to Amanda hoping for Alex to make a mistake and that happened but of course, being the man that Alex is, he thought that I was going to attack her. Of course I wasn't going to but on he went saying that I was 'sick' for trying to attack her. I said it time and time again that I wasn't going to attack her but nobody listened. Next thing I'm made out to be that bad guy. And the next time we faced off against each other was a few weeks later when Me, Alex and 3 other competitors battled it out for the Unified Championship. Alex was eliminated second in the match and as he was on the ground, yes you guessed right, Amanda walked over to comfort him. And as I continued to wrestle, I was dropkick out of the ring and I landed on Amanda who of course was pregnant. I ended up injuring her and the baby and a couple of weeks later I found out that she lost the baby. Now I feel terrible, absolutely terrible about what happened, I really do. But of course Alex said that I jumped out of the ring and landed on her on purpose. Yes Alex, I am that sick that I would jump out of the ring and land on a pregnant lady. Alex kept on saying that he wanted to get at me and for what? I landed on her by accident; I was dropkick out of the ring. I couldn't prevent it form happening. She shouldn't have been outside the ring. And yet again, I'm made out to be the bad guy. And that's how it ended up being me and Alex at Summer Smash.
BC: It truly is tragic isn't it? You getting blamed and made out to be a bad guy, it just isn't right. But anyway, lets move on to your personal rivalry with The Raving Lunatic. How do feel about what he did to your late father.
Motion: I don't know what to feel. How would you feel if a mad man dug up your father?
BC: You ask me.
Motion: Exactly, what he did was just twisted. I don't know whether to feel angry or even sorry for him. You just don't hear of people going to that length to play mind games with another person. It's just unheard of. When I faced him a few weeks ago on Showdown I was so angry that I didn't even care about the Unified Championship, didn't even care about it. All I wanted to do was get my hands on that bastard. Of course I should have thought better. I should have known that he would have a sick trick up his sleeve for when I faced him. Sure I hurt him in that match, but I didn't hurt him enough. I still have a lot of anger inside me, anger that I want to let out on The Lunatic.
BC: So I'm sure you want your feud with Alex Ruettiger to be over then?
Motion: Yeah, I really do, I proved my point to him, I beat him twice. If he wants to be beaten for a third time then he should at least wait until I'm done with The Raving lunatic.
BC: Well Motion, I hope everything ends well for you and thank you for being here.
BC: Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is our first ever third generation sports entertainer, and the CWF's first legitimate second generation superstar...the Nitemare's kid...Bob Osbourne.
"Gone" by Crooked X plays and Bob steps through the curtain in pair of black dress pants and an orange polo shirt. His hair is pulled back in a small pony tail and he is wearing orange Oakley Frog skins, loafers with no socks and a gold watch. He sits down on the sofa.
BC: Bob! I was wondering when you were going to show up!
BOB: Ah, Mr. Crane. Nice to see ya.
BC: Please. Call me Bobby!
BOB: Okay then Bobby. Any questions for Bob?
BC: Yeah. Your facing Sickboy and Lunatic this week. What are your thoughts?
BOB: I'm not worried.
BC: Wait, Lunatic is a tough nut to crack. But...your facing Sickboy too, though, remember that. You should be worried about that... (rolls eyes)
BOB: Exactly the point. I beat Paul Blair
BC: Well... it WAS Blair.
BOB: He beat you didn't he Bobby?
BC: Hey, I'll ask the questions here punk.
BOB: Well, like I said I beat The ruler...and I'm going to beat Sickboy and Lunatic. It's simple really. I mean, it's SICKBOY! What could I be worried about? For all we know, he could be sucking Emma's bulge this very minute!
BC: Wow, you really are like your father.
BOB: Thank you. I try.
BC: Any thoughts on Lunatic and Picard?
BOB: Most definitely. Picard is Michael Jackson, and Lunatic is one of the many boys for him to "play" with.
BC: The old apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I swear.
BOB: That's really starting to get old. You and my dad. Sheesh. Any other questions?
BC: Mark. His scandal left ME shocked. Any comments on the matter?
BOB: Well, I'm guessing because of that scandal that Mark is going to separate the CWF. The people that believe in Xamin, and suck up to the boss. The other side will be the people that BELIEVED in Mark and are shell-shocked by the situation. For me, I'm not going to take a side, nope not me, I'll be right in the middle.
BC: Hmm, interesting. Any other comments Bobby?
BOB: Well, I don't want to give away ALL my stuff today, I do want to win my match after all.
BC: Fully understood. Well I guess that's it. See ya next Saturday. I hope you'll have gold in your mitts by the end of Showdown next week.
BOB: Wait- hope?1 I think you mean that you WILL have gold. Bye Bobby. By the way, how was the Hawaiian water? (gets up and leaves behind a curtain)
BC: Very well thank you. Wait. Oh Jesus, see ya ROB! (looks at camera guy) Did you see that? It's just like talking to his dad! Little smart ass!!
BOB: (sticking head out of curtain) Thank you. I try.
Bobby Crane: So folks, right now we're gonna meet that schoolboy... I mean rookie, the man who was our last guest's debut opponent, from Brazil...Mariano "The Shadow" Rivera. Mariano, welcome and have a seat.
Mariano, also donning a formal suit and a tie, walks into the stage and gives Bobby Crane a brief handshake, then sits down
MR: Thank you very much, Mr. Crane, and please remember my last name is Fernandez and I'm not from Brazil. I come from Buenos Aires, Argentina.
BC: (smirks) Yeah, sure. So people, this kid has been in 4 matches and despite only having won 2, he's given amazing performances -even though I hate to admit it- and is getting popular with the crowd. So first of all, let me ask you, what exactly is your style about? You know, those ridiculous poses?
MR: (amusedly laughs) I'm not the type of person who would look good when posing. Those are martial arts stances. Most of them come from Judo, Karate and Tae Kwon Do. Some of them come from Ninjitsu, which is my favorite. That's the reason for my "Shadow" nickname. I'm a huge martial arts fan and that's what I do in the ring, besides normal wrestling moves.
BC: Yeah, I don't know how you pulled it off, but in your last match you tombstoned Terry Richards. Now let me ask you something, you're 5'9'' and 176 lbs. What the hell are you doing in a wrestling ring?
MR: Size is not a decisive factor in a match. Of course it does play an advantage, but the essence of martial arts is that using them, a weaker person can take down the strongest of enemies. That is the reason why they were devised. I'm sure you've noticed I didn't really have a problem, size-wise, with any opponent I've faced. The bad thing is that I won't be able to apply tombstones so often. (laughs)
BC: Let me ask you one thing though: What are you gonna do if you ever have to face Magnus Thunder, who doubles you in size?
MR: (thoughtfully) I believe that answer should be said the day that happens.
BC: (smirks) You have no idea, have you?
MR: You are right, I haven't thought about it, but I will once I know I will have to face him. By the way, I'd like to congratulate him, as he's won his long-deserved first championship at Summer Smash.
BC: There's that attitude again. You're always saying "thank you, it's an honor, please", wise up kid! This is wrestling, this ain't ballet! Nice guys finish last in wrestling!
MR: (almost smiling) We shall see. This is the only way I know how to act. Respect is important to me, and that is why I pay it to everyone. But then again, it's just me.
BC: (rolls his eyes) Oh my God... this kid has no remedy. (looks at Mariano again) Who cares about some 8-year-old kids cheering for you if you can have gold round your waist?
MR: You fail to acknowledge that fans are the reason why CWF exists. Us wrestlers have to remember that they deserve our respect, whether they're 8-year-olds or above. I'm not popular just with kids, but with people of all ages. I'm sorry about referring to myself as "popular" if it sounds too cocky, but there are some fans cheering for me out there.
BC: Jeez... let's drop that topic. Tell the audience about yourself, Rivera. You know, your background and stuff.
MR: Again, my name is Mariano Fernandez. (interested) Who's Mariano Rivera anyways?
BC: He's the closer for the Yankees, pal! Oh wait, there's no baseball in Brazil. You guys care for that soccer thing.
MR: (calmly) It's not Brazil, it's Argentina. Baseball? No that's right, even though there is a stadium in Buenos Aires and everything, baseball isn't a popular sport there, Mr. Crane. As you know, the most popular sport is soccer. Then there's basketball and rugby, and also tennis and volleyball. But that doesn't mean I'm sports-illiterate. I like football very much, I'm a Packers' fan, and regarding Basketball, I'm a Spurs fan. But back on topic, what can I say? You can find my data in CWF.com. I'm 20 years old, my birth date is January nth, 1989, and I got here as a law student, which I still am. I'd like to become a D.A. when I retire from wrestling.
BC: An attorney! Now you're talking'! Attorneys are goddamn evil sumbitches!
MR: (expecting such an answer) Yeah... whatever. So, I have been in local promotions in South America, but before getting into wrestling I was involved in many street scrapes. I learned martial arts as a way of self-defense, but then decided to practice them as a sport, and I honed my skills in Japan. I love Japan almost as much as my homeland. That's why many of my hobbies are related to Japan. I'm a huge gamer and comics reader, and I attend several anime conventions with some buddies.
BC: Just when I thought it couldn't get worse. First we got a crazy-ass behemoth who believes he's Thor, and now kid's a geek who wants to be Japanese.
MR: (heartfelt laugh) Hee hee, I know that myself. And I'm proud of it.
BC: But don't you have any friends or something? You know there are these strange beings called "people"...
MR: Yeah I know. I have many buddies where I live, we hang out at arcades or comic stores... and sometimes we gather up and play some soccer.
BC: "You're in dire need of help. You know that expression - "never been laid"?
MR: What's that obsession with getting laid? (Bobby Crane nearly jumps out of his couch) Anyways, I'm in something now. She's probably watching me, so please let me say hi. Nagase! (waves to the camera)
BC: Let's get back to CWF. You have faced Bob Osbourne in your debut - to whom you lost -, and you met him again with the Unified Champion, The Raving Lunatic, Motion and Rudy-I mean Alex Ruettiger, at the same time. Do you have any special opinions on any of those guys? And please don't play diplomatic. It sickens me.
MR: I'll try not to, but there's not much I can say after seeing them only once - and Bob Osbourne twice. What can I say... (thinks for a second, then answers) Bob Osbourne is just like the rest of the Osbourne family - an excellent wrestler, hands down. He also has a badass attitude, much like his father, and he can back it up in the ring. His Mind Wipe is just nasty, I still can't understand how I kicked out of it myself when Bob hit it on me. Now on to Ruettiger and Motion, as I remarked before, I'd rather keep silent, but they are also talented guys. If I remember correctly, it was Alex Ruettiger who eliminated me in the CWF Unified Title match. And then there's The Raving Lunatic. A devastating force. His championship is well deserved. And that match with Sickboy at Summer Smash clearly proves it.
BC: (sighs) Well, at least you didn't go back to your "I'm a good-boy" preaching. Now what do you think of the rest of the roster? Let's move on to the rookies you've faced and defeated: "Da Xtreme Gangsta" James Baker and the debuting Terry Richards. What are your thoughts?
MR: James Baker is agile as well as strong. He can pull off a Hurricanrana - he attempted to use it on me - which by no means I could ever do. His strength has given me a hard time to struggle with him in grapples. And as for Terry Richards, he seems to be a crazy high flyer, with that splash that got Baker in pain. But he's also somewhat of a brawler - he banged my head against the guard rail a few times. But thank goodness I was able to withstand the challenge, and I got the win.
BC: A final question... what is your opinion of the "big boys" in the roster? Like "Nitemare" Rob Osbourne, Pledge Allegiance, that asshole Blair, that nuthouse who thinks he's Thor, or my personal favorites Jericho, Adams and Daniels?
MR: Why would they take interest in a rookie like myself? I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't even know my name. Rob Osbourne does, so I have to feel honored. But still, I hope some day I'll face all of them. Blair is named "The Karate Priest", and according to that, he also practices martial arts. He'd be a good opponent for me when I face him someday. And I don't know that deeply about Shock Value and The Osbournes - understand I've just arrived to CWF and I still have much to learn. I'm particularly interested in facing Magnus Thunder now that you've brought me up on this topic. A Viking vs. Samurai duel would be interesting (laughs). Please don't take that seriously, I'm not in their league yet. But seriously, I hope I'll be able to be at their same level sooner or later.
BC: Okay, we're done -thank God-. Thank you very much Mariano... oh whatever.
MR: Thank you Mr. Crane, for this interview.
BC: So while Mariano has done is best to move up the ranks here in The CWF, we're anxiously awaiting the official CWF debut of our next guest, someone who's sure to make an immediate impact. He's the newest addition to the CWF roster...all the way from Dothan, Alabama, please welcome Freedom Jones!!!
'Freedom Train' by Lenny Krevitz plays as the larger than life Freedom Jones makes his way through the back curtain. He waves to the crowd and flashes a big goofy grin. Gingerly he meanders to the sofa area and seats himself, taking up over half of the seating area.
BC: Welcome to the CWF and moreover, to The Bobby Crane Show. Tell us a little bit about what we can expect from the big man from southern Alabama.
FJ: Well suh, I's be dogone proud to be up in here. I's been watchin the CWF now fo bout fo fi mons. I's know a couple of the guys on the rosta. I's made my pro rasslin debut in Chris Osbourne's AWF nigh on 8 years ago.
BC: But why professional wrestling? What drove you to get into the most barbaric of possible career choices?
FJ: My momma had said I's needed to get out of Dothan and out of Alabama if'n I's ever wanted to make sumthin of my life. She didn't want me to jus be anotha nigga. All I's had ever done was workin the fields. So one day I's was in town pickin up some stuff fo momaa and I saw this white man cursing out ol' James who owned the repair shop. The man was complainin bout how long it was fiddin ta take James to get his Hummer outta the ditch cause James's son was an hour away wit his tow truck. I's walked over an aksed the white man if'n he needed a hand.
BC: And dat white man was "The DayDreamer" Chris Osbourne?
FJ: No suh. Dat was his brotha Rob Osbourne. I metted him and helpeded him get his ride unstuck. He gave me a bidness card and said to call him. I did and he had his brother call me. Two weeks lata I was leavin little Dothan and headin fo Nashville. Nigh on a month later, I was the AWF Hardcore Champion.
BC: So it was Rob who found you and Chris who gave you your first break. Sad news we got at Summer Smash. Apparently Chris Osbourne and his son were on a plane that went off the radar over the Pacific ocean. That dealt a blow to the war being waged in the CWF. How does it feel to come into the CWF in the middle of the kind of crises we find ourselves in at this time?
FJ: Oh, I don't pay no nevermind to things dat don't concern me Mista Crane. I's be prayin fo Mista Osbourne and his kin. I owe him again. He's the one who told me to call Mista Xamin bout some work.
BC: So once again Chris Osbourne was your go to guy when you needed a job. That I understand, but WHY is Freedom Jones a part of the CWF roster and back in the wrestling business NOW?
FJ: Well Mista Crane, my momma passed and went hom to be wit Jesus. I's had left pro rasslin to take care of her when she fell ill. I's had promised momma I'd make her proud and not never come back to Dothan again. The day of her wake a very bad man came to the graveyard. We didn't even have her in tha groun yet an this foo come talkin bout money my momma owed him. He say some very mean things bout my momma so I hitted him. Then I hitted him again an again an again. Fo I realized it, he was jus a big bloody mess. The sherrif who don't like me none no way came and took me to jail. I didn't even get to see my momma go into the ground. Well, my sistah came and bailed me out. I went to court and da judge dismissed da case.
BC: Wait a minute...he dismissed a murder case that quickly?
FJ: Yessuh. See, dat man was a bad bad man. He done did a mess a peoples wrong round Dothan. Including the judge. Tha case bein dismissed didn't stop dat bad man's bad family from trying to take me out. They started sayin I was doin al sorts of bad thangs. I didn't never do none of those things. Dat didn't stop the bad man from trying to take me out. He told the sherriff in the next town over dat I had raped'd his daughta. I didn't even know dat man had no daughta. So I's did da only thin I's know to do...I's ran. I's ran so far away. But dey kepted on chasin me Mistah Crane. I had to leave Alabama altogether and come up here to Canada. I's jus be thankin Jesus dat Mistah Osbourne still had the same phone number, lest I still be runnin from the bad man back home.
BC: So there you have it folks. Freedom Jones, former AWF Hardcore Champion, is here in the CWF and I for one would watch out if I were a CWF roster member. I'm sure this gentle giant is much more dangerous than he looks. All of which Kyle Sync will find out RIGHT HERE next Saturday night when Showdown returns to the air waves. But up next is a man who until recently was on a roll hanging with the likes of Rob Osbourne, Drastic and last week The Raving Lunatic. He faces The Raving Lunatic and Bob Osbourne next week. Folks let's welcome....Sickboy.
The in-show band play an orchestrated version of Angry Chair by Alice in Chains as Sickboy steps into view with the crowd giving a thunderous applause. Sickboy comes out a little different this time wearing a suit of all things as he walks up to Bobby and shakes his hand before taking a seat on the couch next to the desk as the music comes to a stop
BC: Wow...this is a bit unusual attire for you tonight, what happened...did you get tired of looking like a hobo
The audience chuckles at the wise crack made. Sickboy also chuckles along with the joke
Sickboy: No, no I just wanted to look my best for tonight. I figured that it's been so long since I've been on a chat show that the suit might be a nice touch.
BC: Well I admit that it's a good look. Now Sickboy...a couple of months ago, you came back from what was it a four year absence?
Sickboy: That is correct.
BC: I think what many people want to know is...What exactly did you do in that four year absence, Where did you go?
Sickboy: Well there was rumors.
BC: I heard that you became one of the jackass crew...you know with your puking prowess that I heard about. Or even became part of New York Knicks. You know mostly because they choke at the big time
A huge ooooohhhhh is heard by the audience as a result of the jibe made about Sickboy's hometown team. Again Sickboy just smiles while shaking his head
Sickboy: Hey now, at least I didn't choke in beating your former buddy Paul Blair three times right Bobby?
The crowd applauds the verbal comeback, while Bobby Crane nods his head and throws his hands up as to give up
BC: Fine you got me on that one, I had him beat though.
Sickboy: Had him beat is different to beating him Bobby sadly. Shame your narcissism is your downfall nine times out of ten.
BC: Whatever, anyway about your absence.
Sickboy: Oh yes. At the time I was battling the black dog.
BC: A wrestler named the Black Dog?
Sickboy: No. Black dog is my zany title for depression. Not a wrestler. I'd been wrestling for two or so years at the time. One day Emma, my beautiful wife at the time told me she wanted a divorce from me and from there it just snowballed. Problem after problem hit me. I had Chemical X hunting me down trying to kill me and all the legal bills piling up on me. It all got a little too much.
BC: Well at the time you were a twenty-three year old rookie, so I imagine it would take it's toll.
Sickboy: Right. Basically I disappeared from existence just get my head back together.
BC: Obviously that didn't work
Sickboy: What didn't?
BC: You getting your head and mind back together. You're just as kooky as before, not to mention you're going back to your ex wife who stabbed you in the back how many times now
may I ask?
Sickboy starts counting on his fingers and hold up three fingers to Bobby
BC: Three times. Now I'm not saying your stupid or anything
Sickboy leans over and gets face to face with Bobby Crane. Who instantly backs down, knowing he is in trouble
BC: Nothing....forget I said anything about it.
Sickboy goes back to reclining on the couch, as Bobby Crane gets himself composed again
BC: Moving on. You face The Raving Lunatic next week, along with the next generation of the Osbourne family, that being Bob Osbourne of course.
Sickboy: Or squirt as I like to call him. He along with T1 and T2 have no chance. Although T2 I think is a little out commission after taking a flying lesson at Summer Smash.
BC: T1 and T2, are you talking Terminator movies now?
Sickboy: Twit one and Twit two Bobby. Have you ever seen the old cartoon from down under called Bananas in Pajamas? The characters names are B1 and B2. The Raving Lunatic as much as he wants to claim he is a smart little cookie, only has one function and that is to destroy. Sure it sounds like a good thing when in a wrestling ring. However defense is needed when things go wrong. Here's how the strategy meetings go for them Bobby. Picard would turn to The Raving Lunatic and say... "Are you thinking what I'm thinking T1?" The Raving Lunatic would say "I think I am T2...It's wrestling time".
BC: I find it hard to believe that this show you speak of exists.
Sickboy: Look it up on youtube.
BC: Okay then. What about Bob Osbourne, do you view him as a threat?
Sickboy: Threat? Threat? Oh Bobby you are killing me with these jokes man.
BC: But it wasn't....
Sickboy: I know it wasn't a joke Bobby relax. Bob Osbourne is simply not a threat to me at this time. Maybe a couple of years down the road when he's older and his balls have dropped then maybe we can talk about him being a threat like his old man. Now he may think that I'm supposed to be grateful that he helped me defeat Blair back a few weeks ago. Well you see in a way I am grateful. Not so much that I'm going to let him walk in and take what is rightfully mine.
BC: What exactly will you bring to Showdown next week though. Hopefully something that will make you win the title in this match.
Sickboy reaches for a glass of water situated on the desk and holds it in his hand
Sickboy: What I'm going to bring Bobby, is violence and pain. With a mixture of insanity and sadism for good measure. That will have to wait until next week though. Question to you though Bobby. Is this water in the glass.
BC: Yes it is, why do you ask?
Sickboy walks up to Bobby and pours the glass of water over Bobby Crane's head. The crowd howls with laughter. Bobby Crane however is furious at being humiliated
Sickboy: Think of this as a little receipt for your jibes at me tonight Bobby.
BC: SECURITY, GET THIS MAN OUT OF HERE
Studio Security rush in and quickly escort Sickboy away, to the sound of cheers from the audience. The camera then goes back to showing Bobby sitting in his chair drenched from the water
BC: Folks we're going to have to take a break while I get dressed in a dry suit. Stay with me though as I interview more guests that hopefully don't humiliate me. Don't go away.
The orchestra plays as the scene appears to be fading to a commercial break. However, the screen fills with the backstage area..Mark Xamin is seated at his desk reviewing the quarterly sales reports for CWF merchandising and looking over files on prospective new talent. Suddenly, Rob Osbourne bursts through the door. Kodiak Winters snaps to attention and takes up the foreground in front of the boss's desk. Xamin waves him off and Osbourne grabs a hold of one of the two chairs flanking the coffee table. Winters immediately tenses, but Osbourne turns the chair around and sits down facing the owner of the CWF and the newest member of Shock Value
Xamin: (sarcastically) Rob, won't you come in and have a seat?
NRO: Save the smart ass routine for someone who can pull it off. We need to talk.
Xamin: About what?
NRO: MY world title shot.
Xamin: What do you mean by YOUR world title shot?
NRO: Oh cut the bullshit Mark. You know, I know, all the boys in the back know, and moreover, the fans of the CWF know that when I came back to the ring it was for one purpose. The same as Magnus. To win that CWF World title. Its been the most elusive piece of hardware dangled in front of me throughout my career. My time has come.
Xamin: I understand where you're coming from, but Adams as the former champ should be the next in line Rob. Contractually he does get a rematch. I mean...it's only fair...
NRO: ONLY FAIR?!? Don't give me your canned corporate responses Xamin. I have ran through EVERY sad excuse for talent you have set before me. Now, in retrospect, it all makes sense. You didn't want me coming after your boy. You tried every way you could to cost me the National title to protect your precious investment. You even handed Daniels a National title shot, regardless of his squandering it, when I am quite sure some of those guys who have been here since you reopened the doors would have liked to have been considered. Fair? I don't think so Mark Xamin...the word doesn't exist in your feeble vocabulary my friend. You wanted this. Now deal with it.
Xamin: Those sound like threats big boy. Don't let your mouth write a check your ass can't cash Osbourne.
NRO: Oh it's not a threat Xamin. It's a promise. You can either come up with a solution to this problem now. Or I can solve it. Since Pledge showed up for the big save at the Osbourne, Inc. shareholders meeting, I have my resoucres back Mark. I will sue you for gross negligence, among several other charges I can have my people dig up. You find a way to come to an agreement by next week or I move forward with my legal team and by God if I have to buy the CWF to get my title shot then so be it! The choice now lies with you Mr. Black Mask. You've got a week. Get to thinking.
Osbourne stands, turns the chair back around, moves it back into place and brushes any dust or debris off . He then politely turns to exit the office. Just as he reaches the door he quickly turns around, kicks Winters in the stomach and Badd Dreams the man through the coffee table between the two chairs. He stands and straightens his clothing. He turns in the doorway and looks at Xamin over the top of his trademark purple Oakley frogskin shades
NRO: One week.
Scene fades back in from commercial with a clip of the previous guest. Music plays in the background as the picture switches to Bobby Crane sitting behind his desk.. He is using two pencils like a pair of drumsticks as the music fades out...
BC: WOW! Folks this is a huge development!! We'll get Mr. Xamin's thoughts later-on tonight. But up next we have Classic Wrestling Federation's resident nut case. He came in as an unknown and now he's the Unified Champion. Ladies and gents lets hear it for The Raving Lunatic....
A large flat screen television blinks on behind Crane to show clips of The Lunatic dropping various CWF wrestlers on their heads with his Skatterbrain. The clips move from the Skatterbrain to the Shut Up kick that retained the Unified title for him last week against Sickboy. The camera sweeps away from the flat screen, revealing The Raving Lunatic who makes his way to the stage from behind a large black curtain. Behind him, slinking to the front of the stage and dropping to one knee in front of Bobby Crane's desk is Dr. James Piccard. In his chubby hands are large pieces of white poster board. The Lunatic turns toward the doctor who is whispering loudly across the stage at him. Crane Sticks his hand out to the Lunatic in a gesture of kindness. The Lunatic seems to either not notice or care as he nods at the doctor and turns to face Beautiful Bobby Crane. He pulls his hand up and Crane reaches farther to grab a hold of it. The Lunatic's hand sweeps by his on the way to the top of his head. He tears away at the hair on his scalp, pulling bleeding chunks from it. He holds out the hair to Bobby who's face turns over in disgust. He sits and invites The Raving Lunatic to do the same. The Lunatic sets the clump of scalp, blood, and hair on the desk before taking a seat of his own. Crane pushes himself to the side in his wheeled chair. His eyes move between the Lunatic and his present as he begins to speak...
BC: Well... that's uh... nice. How are you today Mr. um... uh... Lunatic?
The Lunatic Turns his head toward Dr. Picard his eyes rolling from left to right. He turns to Bobby..
Lunatic: The sun shines brightly in the sky.
Bobby looks at his guest for a brief moment, waiting for him to continue, but it seems that was it. He shakes his head in disbelief before massaging at his temples with the tips of his fingers. He turns and looks at Picard who is holding his own head in his hand.
BC: Yeah and your brain rattles dully behind your eyes...
The Lunatic turns and looks at Crane. It seems he has understood him. Crane quickly changes the subject.
BC: So This is your rookie year in the business and you've decided to start of your career in the CWF. Has it been tough for ya?
The guest's eyes turn and lock on Picard, who is mouthing words and frantically pointing to the poster board in front of him.
The Lunatic holds a look of confusion on his face for a moment before it seems a light switches on inside his skull. He turns back to Bobby Crane...
Lunatic: Dogs are man's best friend Bobby!!
Picard can be heard sighing the words "What the.." in the background while Crane does a neck breaking double take. His mouth gapes open and he is speechless. His lips form a response that he is unable to squeak out repeatedly before he looks down at his notes. A long slow gulp comes from Bobby before he asks his next question, never looking up from his desk and the notes on it.
BC: You won a 5 man elimination match for the Unified Title which you are wearing proudly here today. How hard was that match to win and... you know what these are no good.
Crane throws the small index cards which hold the set questions for The Raving Lunatic. He looks up at him and leans back in his chair.
BC: You're crazy right?
The Lunatic looks at Picard who stands up. He rips the large pieces of poster board in half before throwing them to the ground. He motions to the Lunatic as if to tell him to do whatever.
BC: Well? Are you or aren't you? Was the Juggernaut right? Are you nothing but a retarded fake?
Lunatic: Crazy is as Crazy does....
BC: You gotta be sh.. You know about your match this week?
Lunatic: Your head is big..
Cranes hands feel around his cranium as his mouth turns to a sneer. He pulls his hands down quickly.
BC: What is that supposed to mean freak?! It is not!! My head is perfectly proportionate to the size of my body...
Lunatic: You look like a bobble head. HAHAHAHA
BC: Damn you! Just.. damn you! You know you're going to lose right? The Osbournes will never let you beat them twice in a row... no matter if it's Bob or Rob!
The Lunatic continues to laugh, it seems to get louder and deeper as Bobby talks. Crane's face is bleeding red now, he is about ready to blow his top.
BC: Do you really think that Xamin will let a freak like you hold that belt long? Are you foolish enough to believe that you could ever be anything but a back burner star in The Classic Wrestling Federation? You stupid Bastard!!
The Lunatic stops laughing. His eyes focus on Bobby Crane. He moves closer to the desk and leans over it, bringing his face closer to Bobby Crane. He says something in a low growling voice that freezes Bobby Crane's face.
Lunatic: I said shut up or I will have another one of your fingers for a snack!!
Crane stands up, his cordless microphone ripping from his back and falling to the floor. The Lunatic doesn't budge, he shows no fear of the wrestler turned commentator.
BC: You think that's funny you crazy piece of.... I was going to conduct this interview without letting my personal views get in the way, but that's all over with. You know why you're going to lose this week? You know why you are a loser ? DO YOU!?!?
The Lunatic doesn't seem to be paying any attention to Crane. He is sitting in the chair next to the desk looking down at the floor and humming what sounds like the theme song to Spider Man. He is twittling his thumbs around one another while the host screams at him.
BC: You sick mental case. You got me then. When I wasn't expecting it! When I couldn't defend myself against you! You were safe on the other side of that cage but now we're toe to toe you deranged bastard! So stand up.
The Lunatic begins to sing to himself loudly. His words go along with the theme he was just humming.
Lunatic: Lunatic, Lunatic,
Does a lot of crazy Shit
He'll break your neck, any size
Sees right through, all the lies
Here comes the Lunatic!!
Is he strong?
He could show you your own blood
Bring you down on your head
BC: SHUT UP YOU FREAK!!! Is it because I'm not using your name? Yeah that's right... I know what your name is! You think I wouldn't? I'm a Hall of Famer BUB! I have connections!!!
This rouses the attention of the Raving Lunatic. He stops singing immediately, and pops to his feet. He hits the desk trying to get to Crane. He throws it to the side and lunges forward.
Lunatic: What did you say!?!?
BC: You want to know your name tall,dark and stupid?
The Lunatic has Crane's neck in his hand now. He begins to squeeze down slowly. Bobby's face turns first to an odd blue shade, then to a pale purple. He fights with the Lunatic for a minute before throwing his foot out in a defensive motion. He catches the Lunatic in the gut, he backs off long enough for Crane to squirm out of his grasp..
BC: You wanna know your name you nut?
The Lunatic jumps in the direction of Bobby who moves out of the way and over the guest's chairs. He puts the desk between himself and the Lunatic. From behind the host there is a small smacking sound. Bobby turns to see James Picard behind him, steel chair in hand. Bobby pulls the Chair from the doctor and raises it above his head.
BC: Arrogant son of a...
From behind Crane the Lunatic attacks. The picture switches off and a long loud beep can be heard. The screen changes over and a voice pops out..
Voice: We are currently experiencing technical difficulties... Please stand by...
BC: Aaaaaaaaannnnd...we're back! Now that we've restored order here...BC: Our next guest happened to get lucky enough to win a new belt to hold his pants up, and I'm unlucky enough to have to talk to him about it. You may have seen him lose on such events as SuperCard I and SuperCard IV, and...ah just watch the highlight reel.
The picture fades to black, then fades into a slow-motion image of Magnus Thunder as he Thunderstorms Adams to the mat. Suddenly the reel speeds up, intensifying the repeated impact. Lightning flashes across the screen as highlights from his entire career show. A chaotic Battle Royal at Last Man Standing that saw him defeat the strongest the CWF could throw at him. A clip of he and Crow hitting the floor at the same. The Valentine Bash classic arena brawl. The Tag Team Championship with Caleb Marlowe. Magnus losing his shot at the gold at SuperCard V. Failing his second chance. And finally...
TT: Magnus Thunder asking God for His help and he has his answer!
Magnus pulls Adams back to his feet.and he sets him up for another Thunderstorm. He has him up with the first powerbomb.and down! And back up for the second.Brian Adams leaps over his head on the way up and lands on his feet! Magnus spins around.STARSTRUCK!
NO! Magnus catches his foot! Adams' eyes widen.Magnus pulls him in.and hits the sit out powerbomb! THUNDERSTORM! A cover!
*DING DING DING!*
TT: HE DID IT! HE DID IT!
BC: NO DAMNIT! NO!
Doc McMartin: Here is your winner..and NEW CWF World Heavyweight Champion.. MAGNUS THUNDER!
The crowd absolutely explodes! T-Money jumps into the ring and hugs Magnus, jumping up and down wildly! Magnus has a grin, stretching ear to ear, no doubt the happiest moment of his career. Pledge Allegiance, with a huge smile on his face, hands him the World Heavyweight title. Magnus holds it up high in the air and lets out his trademark war cry, and the crowd would have blown the roof off the stadium if there was one.
TT: MAGNUS THUNDER IS THE NEW CHAMPION! HE'S DONE IT! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, MAGNUS THUNDER IS THE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!
The scene cuts back to Bobby Crane, who is asking them to cut the reel short.
BC: Alright, alright. Enough's enough. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the Bobby Crane Show...He is the new CWF World Champion...Magnus Thunder!
The audience claps wildly and cheers. Magnus emerges from the curtain, the belt slung over one shoulder and Stormbringer over the other. Bobby Stands to greet him, extending a hand. Magnus reaches out to shake it, but Bobby pulls it back to groom his hair. Magnus smiles wryly at him and both men take a seat.
BC: Well finally we get to just sit down and chat like one grown man to a child, Magnus.
Magnus: I'll try not to use large words.
BC: Oh, don't get cute with me, big man. I've been slammed, pummeled, and savaged by a raving Lunatic tonight and nothing you can do is gonna drag me down. But enough banter. Tell me Magnus, how does it feel, after eleven years, to be champion?
BC: ...that's it? Just wonderful? Did you lose your mental dictionary?
Magnus: Perhaps I can dispense on a higher level with you after all. With this championship, I can finally set out to achieve the one goal I have always had in my heart since my return.
BC: And that is?
Magnus: Restoration. The CWF has become something less than what it used to be. A good spirit has been lost. And I think we all passively realize, with a bit of sadness, that is has gone. I intend to bring it back.
BC: Yadda, yadda, yadda. Let's talk about what happened after your eleven-year battle for the belt. You unmasked the man who had more speculation buzzing around him than a bee hive. And it turned out to be none other than your favorite boss in the whole world....Mark Xamin. Yet another betrayal you've racked up for yourself. I wonder why?
Magnus hangs his head a little.
Magnus: Mark is...conflicted. As much as I have trusted him in the past, I can look back and see that he has done such things to others. I do believe he desires to be involved in our battles as much as he loves running the chaos as a measure of his considerable power. Whatever the case, he will not find me an easy man to pin down.
BC: Uh huh, let's ask Adams how easy you are to pin...for two consecutive title shots. Maybe he has an opinion on the matter.
Magnus: I believe the former champion--
Magnus: --has some bigger problems now that his schemes have been shattered. I know his games, and I've broken all his pieces.
BC: And you still have to catch up to him in wins, Thunderhead. Which brings me to the question: Who are you giving your first title defense to?
Magnus: I am a fair and equitable man. But that will be answered in due time. And to a more respectful, no...competent host.
BC: Oh, those are big words coming from a guy who had to hire a featherweight to be his ace-in-the-hole bodyguard. Tell me, why T-Money?
Magnus: They say never to use an ace when a deuce will win it, but I couldn't help myself this time. This "featherweight" managed to wrangle the imbeciles of Shock Value quite well on his own. He is not to be underestimated.
BC: Well I've had just about enough of this. Magnus, I wish you well, and sorry you'll lose the title in two weeks.
Magnus: Keep telling yourself that. Someday you just might believe it. Nothing survives the wrath of the storm from this day on.
Magnus raises Stormbringer over his head with a battle cry. The crowd pops, and the light go out with a bang. A cloud of smoke wafts into the studio as the lights come back on, and Magnus is nowhere to be seen.
BC: (cough cough) Well it's a good thing he got out of here when he did, otherwise I'd have gotten really tough with that ham-and-egger! And speaking of ham-and-egger, my next guest is anything but. My final guest here tonight is none other than the man who shocked the world two weeks ago at Summer Smash...the owner and founder of the CWF...Mark Xamin!
The crowd immediately explodes into boos. Mark Xamin walks through the curtain in an armani suit, sunglasses, and a scowl on his face. He shakes his head, disgusted at the crowd's reaction. Bobby Crane gets up and lets Xamin sit behind the desk, while Bobby takes a sit in the guest chair to conduct the interview. Xamin kicks his feet up on the desk.
BC: Welcome, Mr. Xamin...welcome! It's so great to have you here. Thanks for giving me my own show.
MARK XAMIN: You're doing a great job, Bobby...
BC: Thank you, sir...now let me just start off by asking right off the bat...what made you side with Brian Adams? The world wants to know...we're all dying to hear the answer!
MARK XAMIN: Well it's real simple...I associate myself only with the best. I got tired of lugging around that 7'5" goof, Magnus Thunder...I've been carrying him on my back for way too damn long, and at 500 pounds, he's no featherweight...but what most people don't know is, he carries most of that weight in his head...it's full of nothing but bricks. Really headbutting should be illegal for that man. But getting back to your question, Bobby...since February, Brian Adams has been the most impressive, highest rated star in the CWF. Everyone of his segments were consistently the highest rated on the show and hey, what can I say...I see dollar signs all over that man.
BC: How long have you been working with him?
MARK XAMIN: Oh I'd say since just after Super Card V. Ah, poor Pledge Allegiance has been bitching and moaning for months about the amount of times he's been "screwed"...and the greatest part about it all is, when he started blaming ME, even his most loyal fans thought he was crazy. Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we...it was at Vendetta when Pledge and Adams' feet both hit the floor at the exact same moment. Who do you think was in the referee's ear screaming at him to award the match to Adams? That referee did the right thing or he'd of been standing in the unemployment line the next morning. How about at Night of Champions II? You think those matches were set up to work to Brian Adams' advantage by accident? Please. And hey...how do you suppose someone gets a giant tub of fermented apple juice into the arena without me noticing? We screwed Pledge Allegiance just like we screwed the entire Osbourne family, and just like I'll continue to screw them until I run their sorry asses back under the rock Nitemare has been hiding under for the past ten years.
BC: So what's next? Magnus is the champion now...where do you go from here?
MARK XAMIN: I'll tell you what...Brian Adams is taking a little time to recollect himself. He's had a tough schedule the past five months, carrying the CWF on his shoulders. He's off tanning on a beach in Fiji while we sort this mess out here in Toronto. But see, when the time comes for Brian Adams to return, that World title scene will be dominated once again by The Flawless One. Until then...we've got a few tricks up our sleeves that I think you'll enjoy.
BC: Alright, well thank you for joining us, Mr. Xamin...and to all of you peons at home watching...see you next week on Showdown. But please, if you're sitting in the front row next week, wear some bloody deodorant. I'm Bobby Crane...good night.