Live, from New York...It's Late Night With Bobby Crane! Here is your host..."Beautiful" Bobby Crane!
Bobby Crane comes out from behind a curtain and waves to the audience. He moves to center stage, takes a bow and walks over to a large wooden desk on a raised platform to the left of the stage. He sits down in a large leather chair and starts to address the audience...
BC: Thank you and welcome to the show! Tonight we have an amazing show on hand! We will hear words from members of The Horsemen! Also, we have CWF's National Champion, Keith Daniels! The rising star, Mariano Fernandez! Brian Adams will join us on the show tonight! So, let's get things started!
Bobby smirks for a second as he looks at the crowd. He tosses his feet on to his desk.
BC: But before we bring out our first guest, I would like to exchange a few words with a man I haven�t spoken to since CWF president Mark Xamin banned him from CWF arenas, threatening him with a 1.000.000 dollar fine! Please welcome Retired CWF superstar �The Radiant One� Roland Ulv joinng me via a live satelite feed, directly from Stockholm, Sweden!
We cut over to �The Radiant One� Roland Ulv standing in front of a wall of machines, looking like something from a sci-fi movie. Yellow and green lamps turn on and off, and in front of the machines we see men in white coats walking back and forth.
RRU: NO!!!! I�m in thii Latvian capital Riga!
BC: And may I ask you why?
RRU: As some of yuu piiipole perhaps know fur sure! I am at thii moment looking for a new spokes person for Radiant Herring.
BC: Yes, I�ve heard some rumors about that.
RRU: It will perhaps bii thii most important position in thii entire CiiWiiEff fur sure. As thii sales of my pickled herring is plummeting since thii god forsaken president Mark Xamin forced mii off CiiWiiEff television and banned mii from CiiWiiEff arenas, Radiant Herring niids representation on scriiin fur sure. So much in fact that wii will pay this new spokesperson no less that 30.000 per show if hii represents Radiant Herring in a good way fur sure...
BC: 30.000 dollars, wow, that�s quite a good gig!
RRU: Who said anything about dollars? No, that�s 30.000 Euros! Riil money... The Dollar is losing it�s worth by thii second. I pay in stable Euros! They are worth much more than Dollars!
BC: Okay, I see... but how come you are in Riga, Latvia? I thought you were in Sweden.
RRU: Well I rented this ice hockey arena! Look!
The Radiant One walks around with the camera following him... We see that the �control room� is in fact a V.I.P lounge at a hockey arena. Regular flooring has been put on the rink and on it we find 1.000 people sitting behind tables. All of them are looking on a big screen showing the Bobby Crane show.
BC: Hey, that�s me! Who are they? What are you up to!
RRU: I�m glad yuu asked! In order to find thii best new spokes person for Radiant Herring, I and thi scientists and staff I have hired, has rigged one thousand Latvian piiople tuu sensative electrical equipment that register their pulse, their breathing. And they will bii able tu ja, fur sure, press different buttons.
RRU: This is a very large group of piipole. How they react tu thii different CiiWiiEff superstars will help mi decide who is thi best replacement for mi fur sure! When this show is finished I will know who is worth contracting and who is not fur sure!!
BC: I see, well this could be interesting. I�ll get back to you after our first commercial break. In the mean time...ladies and gentlemen...peons of mine...please welcome the CWF World Heavyweight Champion...MAGNUS THUNDER!!!
The instrumental version of "Haunted" by Type O Negative plays as Magnus Thunder makes his way out to the stage. Bobby stands to shake his hand, but the champion ignores him. Bobby sits back down as Magnus looks out in to the booing crowd.
BC: Please have a seat champ...
Magnus slowly turns his head to Bobby, glaring at him with cold eyes.
BC: Or not... Let me start off by saying that it's been very apparent to myself and to the CWF fans that the World Champion has had a bad couple of weeks after Last Man Standing. First, you have an amazing match with Tige', only to have The Horsemen interrupt and cause the no contest. Then, last week, we have the HUGE Championship Showcase match where you, Keith Daniels, and Bob Osbourne met in a triple threat match. And champ...you were pinned! So tell me, Magnus...where do you go from here?
Magnus continues his cold stare at Bobby.
BC: Umm, okay. Don't think we're going to get an answer to that one. Let's continue. On February 13th, you will take on number one contender Jack Mason, defending the World Heavyweight Championship against him. Tell me Magnus, are you ready for Mason? He seemed to have your number last week as he tried to burn you alive...
The crowd begins to chant.
Crowd: MASON'S GONNA KILL YOU! MASON'S GONNA KILL YOU!
Magnus makes his way to the front row of the crowd. He grabs one of the chanters by the collar of his shirt and pulls him out of the chair. Security rushes out as Magnus tosses the chanter to the ground. Security tries to hold Magnus back, but he forces them off of him. He pulls the chanter back to his feet ready to attack. Mariano Fernandez rushes out and tries to defend the chanter.
BC: Security! We need more security out here!
Magnus tosses the chanter back to the ground as he stands face to face with Mariano. More security rushes out and seperates the two before they can start a fight. Security tries to force Magnus to the back, but are only successful when Magnus decides to walk to the back of his own velition. Mariano makes his way to the back as well.
BC: A little unorthodox for tonight's show to start. It seems as if our fan is alright. So, let's continue! Next we have one of my favorites in the CWF! We've seen him and his brothers involved in a war with James Baker and Da Xtreme Dynasty! Last night, we saw him compete at a House Show in Kansas City against "The Ruler" Paul Blair! Ladies and gent...
Before Bobby can finish the introduction, a slowed down version of "I Came To Play" by Downstait begins to play. Bobby looks confused as Blood, with dark hair now, steps out to the stage wearing a black suit. Blood smiles at the booing crowd as he makes his way over to the desk, extending his hand for Crane to shake.
BC: Whoa! What the hell are you doing here?! You weren't invited as part of the show!
Bobby hesitates as a smirk suddenly comes to his face. He reaches out and shakes Blood's hand. Blood sits.
BC: It's alright though. You weren't invited, but I do have a few questions for you. You told the world that Last Man Standing was your last stand. That you would be victorious. But when the smoke cleared, Yoshiru...it was Brian Adams and Jack Mason who earned their respective shots at the World Heavyweight Championship. What makes you think that you deserve any claim to a title shot?
Blood: Well, first of all, Bobby...I can admit defeat. Keith Daniels eliminated me from the battle royale...there's no doubt about that. But this is no longer about Last Man Standing. This is about not being given well earned opportunities.
BC: I'm not sure I follow. You haven't won a contendership match. You didn't win the battle royale. Why should CWF management push for you to gain new opportunities?
Blood: Bobby, I have been here for ten years. You know what I've gotten in those ten years? I was given ONE shot at the Unified Championship...I was given ONE legitimate shot at the World Heavyweight Championship. But yet, look at who I've had to get in to the ring with. SuperCard V...I took on Rob Osbourne. I come back, and my first match is against the then number one contender, Mariano Fernandez. I team with Roland Ulv to face Mariano and the World Champion in a tag match. I compete with Roland at Battle To Survive. I compete with our now National Champion Keith Daniels at Season's Beatings. I am the ONLY one that's been consistantly thrown in to main event matches and recieved NOTHING in return!
BC: With all due respect, Yoshiru...you didn't win all of these matches that you were in.
Blood: True. But why is it that Roland is given a contendership when it was clearly me who led to our tag match win? Why is it that Rob Osbourne is given yet another shot at the championship when he spent month after month telling the world that he would win back his title, but never earned a contendership himself? Keith Daniels is given a shot at the National Championship...and for what? Going to a draw against me at Season's Beatings?
BC: Well, he was on an impressive streak prior to Last Man Standing, and it has continues since Last Man Standing.
Blood: Look Bobby...the point is, I keep getting overlooked. And I'm not the only one. Men like Paul Blair...they bleed their hearts out for this company, and they recieve nothing in return. For management, it's all about promoting the new guys and those that are the most controversial. I'm sick of it...and trust me when I say, there are quite a few others that are with us in this company that feel the same way.
BC: Okay... I can kind of see your point. But let me ask you this. You have the opportunity to make a statement by attacking the likes of Rob Osbourne...or Keith Daniels...or Brian Adams. But what do you do? You attack Alex Ruettiger! What was the point of that?
Blood: The first attack...like I said...it was nothing personal. But as you could see by that show, management rather have Ruettiger and Lonewolf compete in a match than to have myself, a man who's been in main event match after main event match compete on their show. Now, as for last week. In case you didn't notice, Bobby...Ruettiger was about to attack me first. I just beat him to the punch.
BC: One final question, Yoshiru. On a night of unusual events...the return of Scorpio, your former ally. The appearence of Retribution. Daniels starting Sickboy on fire. Mason trying to burn Magnus Thunder. The swirly...alright, alright. I'm getting a little ahead of myself here. Alot happened on Showdown. But I, as well as everybody else here want to know...who was that man who attacked Ruettiger last week?
Blood: You'll find out, Bobby. You all will...when the time is right...
Blood smirks as he stands and walks off stage to a chorus of boos.
BC: Umm...good talking to you? I don't know. If you guys ask me, that man is definitely...wagga wagga!
Bobby gives a smile.
BC: And now, ladies and gentlemen, this may be the highlight of tonight�s show. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the current CWF Psychosis Champion, who I�ve got a lot of history with... Please welcome... TERRY RICHARDS!
The crowd claps slowly, but mostly boos in rage. Terry Richards comes out, shiny dark tuxedo suit, dark sunglasses and the Psychosis Championship imposingly draped around his shoulder. He reluctantly shakes Bobby Crane�s hand and sits down.
BC: Okay. Everyone pretty much knows what happened the last time we met in this show...
Highlights are displayed of the first ever Late Night with Bobby Crane, where Terry Richards snapped at Bobby Crane, left during their segment, threw a chair at Bobby�s face, nearly finishing the story of the �Beautiful� moniker, and starting their long rivalry.
BC: Please, can I have your word that this isn�t going to happen again?
TR: I don�t know, seriously. Times have changed. I probably won�t, I�m way more focused on D.X.D., but still...You never know. If you tick me off you�ll suffer the consequences.
BC: Alright, that�s enough warning for me. Well, you�ve come along a huge way since Summer Smash back in June. Are you aware that Baker is STILL tormenting you and you haven�t been able to stop him?
TR: Yes, and I confess that is extremely annoying. If this stuff continues to act out like this, I swear to god I�m going to take drastic measures. And when I say drastic, I really mean it...
BC: Very well. What are your all-time dream opponents?
TR: Well, I think I�ve faced most interesting people. I�d like to try and see what comes out of a Terry Richards versus Brian Adams match. Or, I�d like to face Pledge Alligence in a decent match where your partner isn�t a rusty piece of smurfing snap.
BC: Who would you like to face for Valentine�s Bash?
TR: I�d like to send Baker to shi...Oops, I meant home. Anyways, I was thinking perhaps facing someone like, say, Bob Osbourne, or Mariano Fernandez. Something to that extent would be cool. And now, congrats, Bobby, you�re now able to formulate decent questions?
BC (Smirking): Hehe, thank you. Next question, have you ever thought about entering the movie business? I mean, you�ve been a host for TV Shows, wrestled there and here, entered MMA, even released your own album quite some time ago, so, could you consider movies?
TR: It wouldn�t be bad, you know... But anyways, there are two problems. Number one, I like to pick my own roles, and I want to be some sort of Matrix. Number two, I�d probably snap at reading the word �condescending� in the script and trash the whole set. I�m that weird.
BC: Have you ever thought about running your own wrestling company?
TR: My criteria are way too high. It�d have to be Ozzy Osbourne and my bud Lemmy on commentary, Seth McFarlane as ring announcer, and David Arquette as champion.
BC: DAVID ARQUETTE?
TR: I said... David Arquette...I also said... Don�t piss me off...
BC: Oh, okay, okay. Okay, our time is nearly closing, so I�d like to ask you one last question... What the hell happened to The Mischievous One?
TR: Have you ever heard of Kyle Sync, Bobby?
BC: Of course I heard about that snot, but he�s irrelevant for this quest...
TR: Great. He was a Kyle Sync, as I found out, so I ran over him with a Hummer.
BC: Uhm...Okay, and that concludes our intervi...
TR: Not yet. Bobby...(Sighs)... I want to offer you peace. This rivalry has been going on for way too long now. I want to declare it over. No one won. Draw?
Terry extends his hand to Bobby, but Bobby rejects it.
BC: No. This goes in a different way. Kick me.
TR (Confused): WHAT?!
BC: Kick my damn face off, for god�s sake! You win, I declare you the victor of this extensive battle. Both of us struggled for victory, but you humiliated me over and over. You deserve this... And so do I. KICK ME. Because...
TR: Quit the damn talking!
Terry quickly spins and nails a huge superkick on Bobby�s chin. He falls back, grabs the desk and lifts his body up, dazed.
BC: Awh...I admit I deserved that. Please stick around!
The crowd claps. Terry exits the stage. "Hail Mary" by 2Pac begins to play as Kevin Styles and J.T. Banks make their way out to the stage. They sit as their music fades, drawing in on the crowd's heavy cheers.
BC: Well, unfortunately we have two clowns here in Kevin Styles and J.T. Banks...aka...Da Xtreme Dynasty. Now where is Da Cheap Pimp at?
KS: Bobby, if you don't shut up then i'll get J.T over here to beat you down.
BC: I just asked where your leader was...
KS: James is away on business, but he will be here shortly via satellite.
BC: Oh great. Just what we need.
KS: How about you shut the hell up and stop your bitching! You aren't worth a damn thing compared to James. Your are nothing in this business Bobby Crane and quite frankly you need to be put in your place.
J.T stops Kevin from saying more.
JTB: Can we just move on with the interview already?
KS: Yeah let's do that.
BC: Fine! Now just how has the CWF been for you two?
KS: We feel a bit nice that the crew is back together. You see right now our goal is to become the tag team champions, but we have a couple of jackasses in our way in The Richards Legion.
JTB: Yeah I know they're jackasses, but what do we do to jackasses Kev?
KS: Well we beat them up and we take their dignities in the process.
BC: I hate to break it to you, but you haven't truly won a match in ages.
KS: And neither have you you fat ugly piece of trash so if I were you, I would stuff a chicken leg up your mouth and shut the hell up.
We then switch to the drop down plasma screen where we see James Baker front and center.
JB: Hello everybody at the Bobby Crane show. Now to not waist anymore time, you see it's well known that the jackass Terry Richards kidnapped my brother in-law Enrique Lopez and well our family felt the emotion that's behind it. Now I'm sure you've all heard from 'certain' media outlets that I made a new 'friend' to say the least. Well you see I recently went up to Japan on a business trip and to promote my brand of clothes when I saw a 'familiar' face. Now when I had a closer view of her, right then and there I knew who she was and well she's right here beside me all gagged up.
The camera then gets a close up to where we see Hikari Richards chained up with duct tape over her mouth while four men with weapons are standing over her.
JB: You see Terry, I didn't want to have to resort to these type of tactics that i've done in the past, but you left me with no choice and well here is Hikari Richards all chained up with tape coverin' her mouth. I also remembered the part where you requested for me to either give you a contract to face that piece of shit commentator Bobby Crane in a match or give you a million dollars in order for Enrique to come back home where he should be.. Well Terry, you will not and I repeat YOU WILL NOT get a million dollars from me because quite frankly, you're not even good enough for me to give you any type of money. Well if you want Hikari to return to the shithole that you reside in, then you better come up with an offer that suits my desire because not only is it goin' to be hard to meet my demands, but i'm a pissed off mother fucker and I am capable of doin' as much damage to a defenseless person as possible and you will not like the possibilities on what could happen to your poor sister Hikari. So come up with a way to meet my demands and I will consider returnin' Hikari to her home, but if you even think about fuckin' me over here, well it's like i've said before, the worst will yet to come for Hikari and you can bank on that statement, believe that.
The camera then fades away from the tv screen as the men in suits place Hikari in a cage and get back to standing around and doin' their jobs.
BC: That's disgusting...yet edgy.
KS: If your trying to judge what James does, then just shut up right now. You heard what he said and Terry, I hope you've listened real closely to his words because James is not the type of guy that you should've pissed off and if you want to continue this war by fucking with him, well the worst has yet to come for you and your family and that is a damn fact.
JTB: Yeah let's get the hell out of here.
Kevin Styles and J.T. Banks leave the stage as Bobby Crane has an annoyed look on his face.
BC: Ladies and gentlemen...after that horrible talk with three men that I can honestly say are no talent hacks when it comes to wrestling...and the english language...we need to take a commercial break! We'll be back in a moment.
BC: We're back ladies and gentlemen! And it's time to check in with the one...the only..."The Radiant One" Roland Ulv! Roland, you still there man?
RRU: I am hiir, fur sure!
BC: Magnus Thunder, Blood, Terry Richards, and Da Xtreme Dynasty. Any of them about to become the new spokesperson for Radiant Herring?
RRU: Nej... Only Terry Richards did somewhat good in thii scoring process. But I�m not sure...
We see the professor next to Ulv starting to object.
Professor Hagstr�m: I have to disagree, we had one who scored pretty well. Ma...
RRU: Don�t mention his name. It will bii a warm day in Udevalla biifore I have a Fjord Monkii as thii spokes person for my company.
BC: How about Blood then?
RRU: That�s a negative. Well at liiiist I think so. I had thii machines switched off for that segment to save electricity.
BC: But then you can�t be sure he wouldn�t be good?
RRU: Well I can�t have a spokesperson with a history of mental instabilitii fur sure!
BC: Ok, how about Da Xtreme Dynasty?
RRU: Well I have tuu say that thiii Latvians hiir laughed a lot during their segment. Mostly because they have siin riil gangsters heer in Latvia. Perhaps if I only target thii Latvian markets otherwise no. Terry Richards received thii best fiidback.
BC: Ok, well get back to you later in the show. With that said, let's continue! Our next guess is our longest reigning Unified Champion. He is...and I am sad to actually say this...the only champion within the Horsemen. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Bob Osbourne!
"Scream" by Avenged Sevenfold plays, as Bob comes out in a jet black suit, with a orange tie. He has the Unified Title on his shoulder as well. He shakes Bobby's hand and places the title on the table next to him.
BO: So here we are again. Nice to see you Mr. Crane.
BC: Always a pleasure to see the longest reigning Unified champion in history! Am I right, or am I right? (he nudges Bob with his shoulder)
BO: Well you are correct. But I'm not here to inflate my ego...
BO: ...I'm here to talk business. SERIOUS business. I'm here to talk about a man named Mariano....Fernandez. I must give Mr. Fernandez his props, I didn't see it coming. But I'm not here to suck your cock like Terry Richards, James Baker, and Leon Lonewolf. No, I am here to start a war. I'm here to state my business. And my business would be to be in the ring with you, again. We started our careers together Mary. Back then, I was the kid that everybody was second-guessing. You where the kid who was playing the N.E.S with his girlfriends. Now look at us. Your a former National Champion, and I'm the two time Unified Champion. We've come a long way. But one question still remains, who is better? Who has gotten more experience? Who... is the better man? Mariano Fernandez, I am presenting you with a challenge. A challenge of wits, strength, and mind. I want YOU to be in the ring with me next Showdown. And if your not up for it, then I'll ask for you at the next Showdown. And the next, and the next. I'll be that itch that just won't go away. When you hit me with that kendo stick... oh boy, you started a war. A war on pain. And pain, my Quiet Little Storm, is a four letter word.
BO: As I said, I'm here to make a point. I'm here to start a war. And most of all... I'm here for Mariano Fernandez. Watch your back Mary. Don't trust anyone. Don't go in any dark allys. This is the worst move you could have made in the CWF. Good job. Good job.
BC: Bob Osbourne everybody! The best Unfied Champion in history!
"Scream" by Avenged Sevenfold plays as Bob Osbourne shakes Bobby Crane's hand again and picks up his title. He goes backstage. BC: My peons, we originally were going to give all of you Ruler Rooters a treat as we were going to have Paul Blair on tonight's show, but...
"Secret Agent Man" begins to play as the crowd and Crane both look confused. A midget lookalike of Blair does a spy-like roll on to the stage, gun in hand. He aims at the crowd members before sneakily making his way up to Crane. He pulls the trigger on the gun, shooting a stream of water in to Crane's face. The music fades as he tosses the gun to the side.
BC: Who in the hell are you?!
SJ: Steve Jacobs...Special Agent...Steve Jacobs...
BC: Right...perhaps Blair's stunt double?
A stagehand brings out a small step ladder. He sets it up in front of Crane's desk and quickly leaves the stage. Jacobs climbs up the steps and holds his hand out in front of Crane.
SJ: Kiss the hand!
BC: Seriously? I don't...
SJ: KISS THE HAND!
The midget bitch slaps Crane!
BC: Why you little!
The midget quickly hops off of the ladder and in to the chair.
BC: Ladies and gentlemen...I believe this little troll is Paul Blair's stunt double from his new movie...Steve Jacobs: Agent Double 0-Zero which hits theatres February 12th!
The audience cheers. Bobby gets them to calm down before continuing.
BC: Alright...alright, little troll. So, why don't you give us a little insight on what it's like to work with Blair.
SJ: He's afraid of heights...
BC: Afraid of heights? The Ruler?! No way!
SJ: Serious! Any stunt that was performed from higher than three feet...I had to do the stunt!
BC: I...I just don't believe you. You look to be about half the man that Blair is...no pun intended... Okay, pun intended. But seriously, three feet?
SJ: Three feet, Bobby...three feet. And he's not that great of an actor. He was always interupting me during the stunts, so we constantly had to reshoot!
BC: Interupting? Like how?
SJ: The rooftop scene...we had to shoot that SIX times because he thought it would be funny to push me off the roof the first five!
BC: I thought he was afraid of heights?
SJ: He is.
BC: But he was on the roof.
The midget ponders for a second...
SJ: Oh that son of a...
BC: Cable network little troll! Can't say things like that on here! Anyways, now that we have clarified that Blair is not afraid of heights, but rather is just utterly entertained by pushing midgets off of roofs and hearing them scream as they plunge to the safety pad! So, tell me little guy...what was it like working with Anna Faris?
SJ: Alot better for me than it was for Blair!
BC: What makes you say that?
SJ: He was easier for her to catch trying to look up her skirt!
BC: I suppose, you do have the advantage there. So, I guess the next question would be red or black.
BC: Nice to know...nice to know. We've also heard that there was a special guest appearence in the movie by Tom Cruise! What was it like working with Tom?
SJ: He's a bit stiff in the movie. You do realize that this movie was made by the same people who made The Karate Priest, right? They couldn't afford a cameo by Tom Cruise! It's a cardboard cutout...but he does play his part perfectly!
BC: So, there have been rumors that yourself and Blair are in talks of two more movies, is that true?
SJ: We've talked about it. We're looking through scripts, trying to decide which way to go.
BC: Now, you were his stunt double for Karate Priest as well, right?
SJ: I sure was.
BC: How long did...
Before Bobby can finish his sentence, a voice over is heard coming from the midget. He raises his watch near his ear.
VO: Double 0-Zero...Double 0-Zero. The cranes are flying south! I repeat...the cranes are flying south!
BC: What the hell was that?!
SJ: Gotta go!
The midget reaches in to his pocket. He tosses something to the ground and a cloud of smoke suddenly bursts. As the smoke clears, the midget is gone.
BC: In all seriousness ladies and gentlemen, Paul Blair was not able to make it here tonight due to the live premiere of Steve Jacobs: Agent Double 0-Zero in Chicago. With that said, let's continue! At this time, it is my pleasure to introduce to you the CWF National Champion, Keith Daniels!
All eyes focus on the plasma screen. Daniels sits relaxed in a comfortable looking chair. The CWF National Championship adorns his shoulder. He smiles effortlessly at the camera.
KD: What's going on, Bobby?
BC: Not much at all. Glad to have you on the show today, Keith.
KD: Of course it is. You have some questions for me?
BC: Of course I do. My first question is how does it feel to finally have some legitimate singles gold here in the CWF?
KD: The Mid Atlantic Title was very legitimate.
BC: Well, they say that during that era of CWF...
KD: Look, Bobby, despite what they say, I competed in a brutal match for that title. Chemical X was in that same match. He tries to act like he doesn't remember, but I know he does. If I'd have gotten beat that badly, I think I'd try to forget it myself, but that's not the point. I was CWF Mid Atlantic Champion whether anyone likes it or not. Xamin needs to chalk that up in his record books. Hell, he could mark me as the only Mid Atlantic Champion from that era if it suits his fancy. Either way, I'm not backing down from that title.
BC: How does it feel to be National Champion? If I'm not mistaken, weren't you to have a National Title match back in 2001 before the CWF closed?
KD: I was indeed. And I have no doubt in my mind that I would've taken Suicide and T-Money out easily. We wouldn't even be having this conversation right now if the CWF would've held on for one more week. But yeah, it's satisfying to finally hold this title as it has eluded me for this long.
BC: Now that you've accomplished that, what's next on the agenda for Keith Daniels?
KD: First things first, I plan on establishing myself as the greatest National Champion in history. I think I've gotten off to a very good start if I do say so myself. But inevitably, my goal is the CWF World Heavyweight Championship.
BC: And what a statement toward that you've made in recent weeks. You won the National Title, followed that up with a victory over one of the number one contenders for the CWF World Heavyweight Championship, and then you pinned the Champion himself. Is there any part of you that thinks you should be the number one contender to the title right now?
KD: Oh, there's no question. Just look at my portfolio, Bobby. Is there any true argument? Tige's on his campaign to be the number one contender, but I think it's plain enough for the world to see that no one has earned a shot at the CWF World Championship like I have. Tige's win over Jack Mason was a countout. He wasn't even declared the winner against Magnus Thunder, but clearly is by disqualification in every replay. Me? By pinfall. By pinfall. There's only one match that makes sense, Bobby. Keith Daniels versus Brian Adams for the CWF World Heavyweight Championship at Super Card VI. But we all know the CWF Executives don't have the balls to make the match happen. It's epic! It's exciting! But they've been known to have disappointing matches at Super Card. It's like when a girl is sucking your d[beep] and the she just stops. All that build up, just to leave you frustrated.
BC: But there was the huge Elimination Chamber match last year.
KD: Understood, but I could put a bunch of rats in a cage, inject them with rabies, and watch them rip each other apart and get the same thrill. Nothing will ever... Ever... Be as big as Keith Daniels versus Brian Adams. Shock Value collides. Instead, I'll be offing the Sickboys and the Pledge Alligences. Hang on a second Bobby...
Keith turns his head as a female in her underwear walks up to him.
KD: Hey. Where the hell is my sandwich?
RG: What are you--
KD: I told you to make me a damn sandwich! Get to it!
RG#1: I'm sorry, daddy.
KD: Yeah I bet. And you...
Keith turned his head then to the right.
KD: My laundry isn't going to do itself!
RG#2: How does this dress look?
KD: It's going to look like a dirty rag when I throw it in the garbage if you don't get to my laundry!
RG#2: Alright! I'm sorry!
KD: Yes you are. I'm sorry, Bobby.
BC: Wow, Keith. Looks like your house is busy tonight.
KD: Oh, not yet. But it will be.
BC: Speaking of, Mark Xamin recently was married and will soon be back from his honeymoon. Is there anything you'd like to say to him.
Keith Daniels gets that vintage smirk on his face.
KD: Yeah. Tell him he better keep that b[beep] in line. Make sure she knows her place.
BC: Excellent advice if I do say so myself. Thank you, Keith.
KD: Anytime, Bobby. Anytime.
"Strike Of The Ninja" by Dragonforce starts to play.
BC: So, right now ladies and gentlemen... I�d say ladies especially seeing how needy he is, we have the CWF�s �hero� (makes quotation signs), Mariano Fernandez!
The crowd comes unglued and starts a thunderous ovation as Mariano makes his way to the stage, with a dark blue formal suit. Bobby Crane goes for his usual handshake cheat of retreating his hand, but can�t bring himself to do it in front of Mariano.
MF: Thank you for the peculiar introduction, Bobby Crane.
BC: Yeah sure, we started with the wrong foot already, let�s sit down and finish this interview.
MF (Thinking): I believe we should start it first, but I got your meaning.
Bobby Crane facepalms, then they both sit down.
BC: Alright, first let�s talk about last Showdown, how did it feel to get your ass handed to you by none other than the Flawless One, Brian Adams?
MF: No wonder why they call him the Flawless One. His moniker is well deserved, and well, not much I can say here, right?
BC: See! Dodging the answer, how did it feel when he kicked your little ass!
MF: Similar to all the times when Terry Richards beat yours I guess.
The crowd laughs at Bobby Crane, who can�t find an answer. Mariano winks his right eye, then speaks again.
MF: Alright, I�m sorry Mr. Crane, won�t happen again.
BC: Aaaanyways... here�s another question, why the hell were you so stupid to attack the longest reigning Unified Champ in history last Showdown?
MF: Well, how would you feel if the Horsemen made a laughing stock out of you week after week after week? Bob made his return attacking, you guessed it, me. I let that slide, after all everybody knows we have some kind of �history�, but what the Horsemen did after Last Man Standing crossed the line with me. And seeing how Brian Adams took Chemical X, how Keith Daniels took Sickboy, and how Tige� and Jack Mason have a long history, I guess I had no other choice. And now I got another enemy. Well, Chemical X hasn�t killed me as of yet, so I can deal with another Horseman�
The crowd applauds his words.
BC: Still with the brave act, huh?
MF: You know me, Bobby Crane. It�s a little more than an act.
BC: You don�t say... Anyways, it nearly pains me to say this, but you proved you�re more than a rookie. Even I, and you can save this �cause I won�t ever repeat it, acknowledge that you can hang with the big boys.
MF: Coming from you it means something, so thank you very much.
BC: But still, how has your CWF experience been at this time?
MF: I honestly still don�t believe I could reach a World Title match. Who knows if I can ever be that high again, but that�s not of importance to me right now. I�m fine where I am, with the accomplishments I have gained, as little as they may seem, but it�s true that my path is long and I need a lot of work to do before I can truly be worthy of the World Title. But right now things don�t seem to go that bad, do they?
The crowd cheers on. Mariano lowers his head in gratefulness.
BC: So anyways, what do you think of the new roster changes?
MF: It�s great to see veterans like Tige� and Jack Mason coming back, that shows why the CWF is the pinnacle of wrestling today, and why the standard of excellence still forges on. It�s also good to see stars of the present like Brian Adams and Keith Daniels back from their half-a-year exile, not to mention new acquisitions like SJ Funk. I like many of the fellow rookies � I can still say I am, I�ll stop being a rookie on June 6th 2010 � like James Baker, Leon Lonewolf and Israel Steele. I have a great deal of respect for Leon Lonewolf � he�s a honorable man and a great fighter. But the person I would like to see succeed the most is Terry Richards. He had his share of bad luck this year, but that didn�t stop him from being Unified Champion. I believe he�s one of the best competitors I�ve ever had, and he will make an impact soon. And let�s not forget about the ladies division. Danielle and Ashley are excellent, but the one who struck me the most is undoubtedly Jinx. Being from Japan, it�s no wonder why she can be that good.
BC: You know, I think it�s OBVIOUS that you�re drooling all over her.
MF: (laughs) Great, now I got more tabloids on my back like MCPNews saying I got indicted for being a teetotaler. But no seriously, I think even YOU, Bobby Crane, will recognize her talent.
BC: Yeah...just kidding, although your foot fetish with Rei gives me the creeps.
MF: (sighs) I don�t have a foot fetish, but I can�t convince you otherwise it seems.
BC: And finally, I have to ask you this. Where do you see yourself standing right now, and what will you do?
MF: That�s why you�re a good interviewer, Bobby Crane. I was hoping that you�d ask me this question. And here is my answer: Seeing how I got into trouble, I now have a number of foes. The first one is Chemical X, who TRIED to electrocute me, then knock me out with a beanbag shotgun, and he won�t stop until I�m dead. You know what? I�m sick of it. I�m sick of being bullied night after night after night. I�m sick of being called girl names and threatened with death. I�m SICK of Chemical X. I�m SICK of the Horsemen. And that is why, I will keep battling them until they�re done for, or until I go in the grave... if they can make me. And just tonight, I have gained another enemy in their ranks. So let me address him right now. Bob Osbourne, I thank you for the compliment but I�ll also get down to business. Back when we started our careers I stated you were a great opponent. And to this day, I maintain it. But I�ve also felt that itch, I won�t deny, of one next encounter. The only match we�ve had one on one, together, was June 6th, 2009. And seeing the roads we�ve taken, I think it�s time for a second match. I�m sick and tired of your joking around on me, I�m tired of your bragging, and I intend to shut your mouth once and for all! You wanted a war Bob? You got a war. There�s no need to call me Showdown after Showdown. I accept your challenge. You and me, Saturday Night Showdown. MAKE IT HAPPEN.
The crowd goes into a frenzy and start cheering on Mariano.
BC: Alright folks, shut up already! Let the gnat continue speaking so we can finally finish this emotional crapfest!
MF: Let them have their moment, Bobby Crane, don�t be greedy of all the spotlight.
BC: I suppose you�re right.
MF: Now let�s address the other man who I still have a score to settle with. And that will be the World Champion, Magnus Thunder. Magnus Thunder, you have hurt Rei. Her life is on danger because of you, and everybody knows that you haven�t forgotten. Last week when we met, you found out. And in your eyes I could see it. Deep inside your possessed mind, you�re riddled with concern. Do you know why? Because all the times we have faced each other, even at Battle to Survive, you couldn�t put me down. Thrice, Magnus Thunder, thrice have we met. The first match was a draw. The second time, even though unfortunately your nemesis Blood made interference, I won the match. And at Battle to Survive, i took the referee�s decision to end the match for I would have DIED before being pinned or made submit by you. And those memories haunts you still. That is why you let Blood free Keith Daniels from your control. That is why you have no longer the dominance you achieved after putting me through hell itself. And not only you put ME through hell, you caused pain to the referee, you caused pain to Bobby Crane here, you caused pain to the Maniac, you caused pain to Blood himself. And most importantly, you are STILL causing pain to Rei. Lots of innocent people were hurt because they wanted to help me, and to this day I�m in debt. So now, I need to pay those people back. And that is why I will beat you next time we meet. But fear not, Magnus Thunder, I�m not interested in the World Title. You already have Tige�, Jack Mason and Brian Adams on your trail. So you can keep the World Title belt. You can still solve your issues out with Blood. Right now, I WANT REI BACK. And the only way to do that is by defeating you. So Magnus Thunder... I WANT A MATCH. So now that all has been said, Chemical X, Bob Osbourne, and Magnus Thunder, there�s only one thing left you need to know. JUSTICE WILL PREVAIL.
The crowd blows the roof off of the studio, immediately after they begin chanting �JUSTICE WILL PREVAIL!� �JUSTICE WILL PREVAIL!�. Bobby Crane looks nearly in disgust.
BC: This makes me sick...
MF: Alright Bobby Crane... I guess we�re done. I forgot to say one thing. I still remember you hit Magnus with a chair when he was brutalizing me back in November...
The crowd starts applauding, Bobby Crane blushes.
MF: ... and I need to pay you back. Remember, any time you�re in trouble, don�t be afraid to give me a call.
BC: Bah! I don�t need a gnat like you acting as bodyguard.
MF: I�m sure you don�t, but it�s the right thing to do. It was nice talking to you again, and of course seeing all of you fans...
Before Mariano can finish, he's met with a vicious running big boot to the skull curtousy of Magnus Thunder! Magnus quickly grabs the dazed Mariano, lifting him overhead in a crucifix powerbomb position. He takes a couple of steps and tosses Mariano violently through the stage wall!
BC: SECURITY! Where the hell is my security?!
Security rushes out, but they are too late. Magnus is led by security out of the building as stagehands check on Mariano. The crowd sits in awe at the sight.
BC: Go to break!
As we return, stagehands are still nailing up ply-wood to cover the hole in the wall created by Mariano's body. Bobby sits at his desk, still looking angered.
BC: Well I guess it�s over to the Latvian capital Riga again for a Radiant Analysis again. Roland you there?
RRU: Oh Bobbiii yuu won�t believe. Thii machines has gone crazy... Talk about hitting different target groups. Mariano sent ten percent of the male persons on fire according to heart rates and pressing approval buttons.
BC: 10 percent of the male audience.
RRU: Yes, it�s thii gay part of thii male audience of course. They simply loved him fur sure... Thii rest of thii guests scored extremely well during our young audience. Young girls aged 13 -16 went lingonberry mad over Bob Osbourne. Heat rates going up as well as moist levels!
BC: Moist levels?
RRU: Yes I have thiiis Latvians hooked up and plugged in, in places that wuud bii illegal in almost all of thii frii world. Bob Osbourne is a hit among yung girls. Unfortunately he didn�t affect any of this other target groups what so ever.
BC: What about Keith Daniels?
RRU: A complete disaster in thii important target groups. Wiimen got offended by Keith Daniels... But he scored very well in thii group Young boys aged 13-16. They thought Daniels was very cool fur sure.... They also talks about how they are huge fans of his transtvestite humor!
BC: Adams and Daniels huge among boys aged 13 � 16 Bob Osbourne among girs aged 13 � 16 and Mariano huge among thii male gay audience. Is that correct!
RRU: That is correct. Fur sure!
BC: Ok, thank you for these insights! BC: Our next guest is a big one to say the least. Last year he was the first to escape the maze at the Valentine Bash. Then he went on to main event Super Card V and captured his first CWF World Heavyweight Championship in a six man Elimination Chamber match. After losing it to Magnus Thunder at Summer Smash a few months later, he took a hiatus from the business, only to return almost seven months later and immediately recaptured everyone's attention by winning the Last Man Standing battle royale with Jack Mason. Ladies and Gentlemen..."The Flawless One" Brian Adams!
Brian comes out from the back in an all black suit and black shades to top it off. A chorus boos from the audience to show no matter where he goes, Brian is hated among everyone. Brian waves back in a sarcastic show of appreciation as he sits down in the chair next to Bobby Crane's desk and relaxes himself, taking his glasses off and hooks them to the front of his shirt.
BC: Welcome to the show Brian, how are you?
BA: Thank Bobby, I'm great. After three straight weeks of besting everyone and anyone that the CWF decides to put in front of me, I'd have to say it feels like old times around here.
BC: Old times? Brian, since you've been back, you kicked your pregnant ex-wife in the stomach and caused her to miscarriage. You dig up your best friend's dead daughters grave just to smash her skull under your boot, and let's not forget you tried blowing up the whole Horsemen faction and the feces filled swirly you gave to Chemical X last week. That doesn't exactly spell out old times for me or anyone else who has paid close attention to you over the past decade.
BA: Are you sure about that Bobby? When I left back in June, I thought I was done. What was left for me to do? I won the one title I was getting myself sick over for years. I did it and nobody can EVER take that away from me. So I went home and rested up a bit.
BC: That's not what we all heard here Brian. We heard the level of depression you reached were at a suicidal level.
BA: I'm not Rob Osbourne, I'm not going to start bleeding out of every orifice over one loss. Then again, I can't say you're wrong either, I was almost there. I was low enough to sleep with my ex wife and got her pregnant. Oh well, I fixed that didn't I?
BC: Either way, we're glad you're back and in full swing. Well, not all of us I'm sure, but I AM!
BA: Thanks Bobby, appreciate that.
BC: So what is exactly going on between Keith and yourself? I mean you two formed the only team that could stand up to the likes of the Osbournes or the Horsemen, but then you put that all in Jeopardy and for what? Just to make a point to the one guy who has your back?
BA: Keith knows as well as I do that to stay a step ahead of the curve in this game, you have to do something big. And when I mean big, I don't mean to your most hated enemies. Everyone is expected you to tear the man you hate to shreds. They're expecting you to blow them up, dunk them in sh*t, set them up with transvestites, drump a huge bucket of urine on them and their whole family. But what about your friends? Your friends have your back, or they're supposed to at least, and aren't expecting anything from you in any way. Do you know the true point we were trying to make there?
BC: No, tell us please.
BA: My point was that if I'm capable of doing something like that to someone I like, or at least can stand, what do you think I'm capable of doing to someone I don't?
BC: You like me don't you?
BA: I don't hate ya, if that helps.
BC: Okay well...next question! After doing what you did to Keith, and that little joint venture he helped you with this past Saturday on Showdown, does this mean we'll be seeing more..
BA: Hell no. What you saw were two separate countries fighting the same war against a common enemy, nothing more and nothing less.
BC: But isn't the enemy of your enemy a friend?
BA: A frienemy? No, the enemy of my enemy is a weapon of mass destruction I get to use whenever I choose to push my finger down on the red button. The Horsemen are fighting a war they can't win, it's as simple as that. Their ring leader is in total disarray and can't seem to find his way out of the closet he holed himself up in. Either way, this war started with the Osbournes and ends with the Horsemen, and it will end sooner than later if I have anything to do with it.
BC: What about Jack Mason? The man held his own against you in the Last Man Standing rumble and is one of two number one contenders to the title. He--
BA: Back up! He didn't hold anything except my f*cking jock strap! I eliminated him as clear as day. He isn't the co-winner of anything! You heard Xamin say it, I am the rightful winner of Last Man Standing, but then goes ahead and gives this jack ass a shot he didn't win for a title he doesn't deserve because he refuses to over turn a referee's decision? Where are Xamin's balls? Oh yeah, I forgot, he's married now, SHE has them. Next!
BC: So you're going on to main event your second consecutive Super Card which has never been done before in CWF history. An achievement you won't be forgetting anytime soon. Is there anyone that you'd prefer facing on the big stage rather than someone else?
BA: If you're implying that I think my chances would be better if I face one person instead of the other, than the answer would be no. I don't care who I face either, I have a score to settle with almost everyone in the main event scene at this point. With Jack Mason I have to settle the score of him cheating his way into a co-win at Last Man Standing and with Magnus Thunder I have Summer Smash. A match I never should have lost. A black mark in the history books of the CWF for sure, and I'm the only one who can make that right.
BC: What about Rob Osbourne? He's back now, and I'm sure he won't rest until he settles his bitter score with the current heavyweight champion as well.
BA: What about him? He stammered on and on for weeks how Last Man Standing was a shoe-in win for him. He talked about how he was so great that if Magnus found a way to beat him that he would leave the CWF forever. Well guess what? He lost, and he can harp on the fact that it took Roland Ulv and Tige' to cheat for Magnus for him to lose all he wants, it doesn't matter he lost.
BC: But he was screwed.
BA: So was I. Do you remember the match I had against Osbourne back in April? Close match just like the match he had with Magnus. Then Pledge comes down and nails me with a steel chair, giving Osbourne the win. Is that ANY different than what happened to Rob? I don't think so. Did I bitch? Did I complain? Did I go off and sell my truck for a motorcycle to go to God knows where to find my inner self with a man named Eric and bottle of vaseline? NO! I bit the bullet and moved on. It meant nothing cause I had nothing to lose in that match except for the respect of Osbourne, which to me and everyone else means less than nothing at this point. Would it have been nice to wipe that stupid little smile off his face at Super Card VI? Of course, but it wasn't meant to be. HE wasn't meant to be, and he has proved that every damn step of the way. I held up my end of the bargain, he didn't, so if anyone was screwed, it was Brian Adams, not Rob Osbourne.
BC: Okay, I'm going to spout off a few names, and I'd like to get your opinion on them, would that be alright.
BA: Sure, shoot.
BC: "Studly" Steve Dart.
BA: Coward. Attacked me only when I had my back turned about a decade ago. Ever since then he's fallen off the face of the earth. Rumor has it he's crawling and clawing his way back. I welcome the opportunity to hand him his ass.
BC: Okay, first off, how about the man who is talked about on a frequent basis but hasn't been heard from in years: Z-Pac.
BA: Scum of the f*cking earth. I haven't heard from him since I took the IOA title from him. People give him much more credit than he'll ever deserve. To me he was nothing more than a political pissant who bitched, moaned, whined, and complained all his way into the CWF Hall of Fame. God damn disgrace.
BC: Those are strong words coming from you.
BA: What's that supposed to mean?!
BC: Nevermind, next person. How about the co-winner of Last Man Standing Jack Mason?
BA: You mean the man who was eliminated by yours truly and then beaten by Keith Daniels the week after? The man lost his steam quicker than he stole it. Nothing but a common thief if you ask me.
BC: Okay, now that you've mentioned him, what are your thoughts on Keith Daniels?
BA: What about him? Sure he captured the National title, beat Jack Mason, and then Magnus Thunder. I'm sure that's what he'll be saying for years to come. At least now he can shut up about beating me once out of the three times we faced off in the past seven or eight years.
BC: Yes, last time he was on this show he was pretty vocal about that matter.
BA: And rightfully so. Who wouldn't brag about beating the Flawless One? Do you know what they call one of three?
BC: 33% give or take?
BA:...No, they call it luck. Of course after hearing that I'm sure he'll harp on the fact that his win was more recent, but in this business, it's not about who did what when, it's about who did what the best, and who did it more. The fact of the matter is I have two separate victories over Keith Daniels, and knowing that he still can't swallow that fact brings a smile to my face. I'm not here to destroy Keith's reputation, he's a great competitor, but does that make him better than me? The numbers tell a different story, and in a world defined by profit and loss, numbers are the only things that count. Try again Keith.
BC: Rob Osbourne.
BA: A man who won't shut up about losing unfairly to Magnus and won't shut up about winning unfairly against me. Conflicted much?
BC: Chemical X?
BA: Nothing more than a casualty of war. He's another conflicted one. He'll start his interviews off praising my name and by the end he'll be cursing my very existence. Jealous ones envy, and Chemical X is as green as they come.
BC: Okay, last one, Magnus Thunder.
BA: It's nice to see my hard work pay off. That bible thumping holy whore is nothing more than a victim of his own flawed belief system. I didn't just crack him, I shattered him. I showed him and made him honestly believe that the only way to truly succeed in this business is to be the meanest, the baddest, and the most vicious dog in the yard. Winning the title is only half the battle, which is no easy feat in the first place. He beat me, but what did he do? He lost it within a month of winning it. Then what did he do? Something changed in his thinking and he saw how successful I was with the belt. So he changed like the wind and now look at him. Chaos, corruption, and destruction in the form of a seven foot, five inch, five hundred pound monster, all courtesy of yours truly.
BC: Well thank you for coming here Brian. Good luck to you at Super Card VI and I'll see you next week on Showdown!
Brian walks off stage. Blair watches as his stagehands finally finish the wall.
BC: A great show so far ladies and gentlemen! Next, we have a very special treat! Ladies and gentlemen...please welcome Pledge...
A techno version of Stars and Stripes Forever begins to play as Bobby Crane looks surprised. Out of the curtain Jagermeister and the Magnificent Warrior dressed in suits and wearing sunglasses. They walk around examining the set and then take their places on both sides of the curtain. The lights are flashing red, white, and blue as a podium with Tige�s campaign logo on the front is brought out to center stage. Tige� walks through the curtain and the crowd roars with a standing ovation. He is wearing a red, white, and blue suit. Tige� walks up to the front row shaking hands and then over the Bobby Crane and shakes his hand as well and sits down. The music ends.
BC: Ladies and gentlemen, Tige� is here! I was not expecting this at all. Welcome to the show.
Tige�: Well, how could you have a show without the number one contender for the World Championship? I was going to be here for you Bobby no matter what and I will tell you this right now...your ratings during this interview will be the highest you have ever. And tonight, I have a special announcement I will make that will rock the CWF.
BC: Would you mind sharing now?
Tige�: Well we have a couple minutes till I can officially.
BC: That is great and we all look forward to it. While we have you here and a few minutes I would just like to ask about the campaign. You sir did not defeat Magnus Thunder so I am wondering how you can stake claim to get a World Championship title shot.
Tige�: Bobby, Bobby, Bobby! Did you watch the replay?
BC: Yes I did.
Tige�: Then you saw that when the horsemen came to the ring just as I was going to nail the Tige� Time on Magnus Thunder, the first contact made was with myself thus disqualifying Magnus and giving me the win. The incompetence to the CWF office and refs forced my hand to start this campaign. Let�s look at the facts Bobby. I beat Magnus Thunder, I beat the Jack Mason who is a number one contender, I beat Pledge Allegiance who is a former world champion, and I beat Paul Blair who is another former champion. Why should I not get my shot?
BC: Well, you didn't earn it...
Tige�: Not earn it? Bobby, you are looking at the man who not only brought the Nitemare to his knees but also has more claims to the number one contender spot than anyone else in the CWF. All Mason and Adams did was win a battle royal...together. Besides a management stipulation what makes them the rightful number one contenders? They won that match but I won a match too.
BC: Lets switch gears here and talk about Rob Osbourne a bit. You came into the CWF as the Nitemares Night mare and went right after him. In the past you two have been pretty close. What was going through you head and why Rob Osbounre?
Tige�: Both Robbie and I ran together for a long time and as I was sitting in my home watching the CWF I did not see the Nitemare on TV. I saw a grumpy old man who had a fancy BLACK car, a nice house, and a bunch of goons around him doing his dirty work. I looked in his eyes and did not see the Nitemare, I saw a man who was not having fun, a man who did nothing but bitch and complain. Was he as good as he was....probably better but he just was not having any fun. Enter the Nitemares Nightmare. I love Rob like he was a brother, no offence Moomba, and his ego needed to be put in check and I was the only one that could do that. Nothing personal....just fun. I just wish I could have my match with him to humble him even more but he is all over and after I win the World Championship I will continue to take the horsemen out back one by one and putting them out of their misery.
BC: Good stuff and we are running out of time. Wait, you have an announcement?
Tige�: Yes I do. Gentlemen...
Tige� motions to Jager and Mag Warrior and they exit the studio as Tige� walks up to the podium. He looks up at the lights and has a sad look on his face. He claps his hands as about 25 hot models in bikinis walk out behind him along with Jager and Mag Warrior. One of the ladies hands Tige a envelope.
Tige�: My fellow Americans, one Swede, and people all over the world. The results are in and before I reveal the results I want to make a statement. This campaign was not a campaign just for me to get a title match. This campaign was for all of you and for the CWF. This was a fight against what is wrong in the CWF and if these results are not what we want then a new campaign will begin for me to become the president of the CWF. After this thing started me and my staff behind me were humbled by the support of all of our followers and also impressed with CWF President Mark Xamin who will be allowing EWA referees in certain CWF matches until some issues are resolved. It is a step in the right direction and a direction I want to help aid the CWF in the future. And now....the results.
Tige� opens the envelope and read the results to himself. He sulks down as the crowd is silent.
Tige�: With 76.92% of the vote I have won the election to become the number one contender for the CWF World Championship!
The crowd erupts as well as the all female model staff who proceeds to take off clothing. Balloons fall from the sky and �Hail to the Chief� plays. Tige�, hugs many of his staff members and returns to the podium.
Tige�: Ladies and gentlemen, we have done it and what happens? The CWF cannot deny me and all of you. Your voice is strong and will be heard by the CWF management and they will now have to name me the number one contender for the CWF World Championship. When will I get that shot? I am ready when they are. As I said before, it can be at a PPV, Showdown, or ever in the local Adult bookstore. I do not care when, where, or how but it will happen and will happen soon. Thank you to everyone who made this possible and everyone who believed that if we work together we can achieve greatness. The revolution is now and you new number one contender for the CWF World Championship is your truly, Tige�! Ain�t It Cool?
Tige� celebrates some more on stage and even goes over to Bobby Crane with the results and throws them in his face. Just as he is about to leave he looks into the camera and says "You ready for a party?"
BC: Our next guest on my show tonight has what we would call a mixed 2009 when at the start he was flailing around to find his spot. But by the end he made history by becoming. In his words 'The longest reigning National Champion in modern history'. Bit of a shame he choked against the biggest challenge he had to date and that was Keith Daniels. So without further delay. He is one part of the Horsemen. He is Sickboy
The audience gives a mixed reaction to Sickboy being announced. After about 30 seconds of no one turning up. A stagehand walks up to Bobby and whispers into his ear. After a few nods from Bobby the Stagehand runs off, as Bobby clears his throat.
BC: Ah folks...I've just recieved word that Sickboy is not in the building tonight for the show. However he has sent us the following tape which our production crew is ready to play for us. So I guess...roll the footage guys.
The footage rolls showing us film shot in night vision filmed a few metres outside a house with a white picket fence. Standing in front of the door are two figures talking while a Lamborghini Murcielago is parked in the driveway. Soon one of the figures walks away from the door and gets into the car. Peeling out of the driveway and away from the house. A voice from behind the camera suddenly speaks.
Sickboy: "A man's errors are his portals of discovery.� A quote from James Joyce about mistakes. Such a loving family we have in front of us being filmed right now. It's such a shame that one man's mistakes are going to affect them instead of him.
Soon Sickboy appears in front of the camera dressed in a black trench coat dark jeans with a black t-shirt on underneath the coat holding onto a black aluminum bat.
Sickboy: Keith by the time you see this footage it will already be too late. Because I am not going to be on Bobby Crane's show. No I'll be on the way to our next event while you're talking to Bobby. This is your family's house in Glendale Arizona, the house where a mistake was born by the name of Keith Daniels. For your parents (Bleep) up Keith and yours as well. They are about to suffer.
Sickboy starts walking down into the direction of the house as the camera follows, after a few minutes Sickboy reaches the door and knocks. It is soon answered by the father of Keith.
Sickboy: Are you Mr Daniels?
Mr. Daniels: Yeah and who the hell are you?
Sickboy: Your son's creation.
Sickboy then cold cocks Keith's father on the side of the face. Stunned the Father tries to take him down only for Sickboy swing the black bat right into the stomach of the father. With him down Sickboy stands above and brings the bat across his throat and pulls him up. Choking him in the process Sickboy then viciously slams him into a wall and then another.
Sickboy: Your son is responsible for this, Mr. Daniels...
Sickboy continues to choke the bloody but struggling man with his bat as he brings him into the lounge room. Dropping the bat from across his throat his throat. Sickboy then grabs the man's head and slams it violently against the wall in fury leaving a huge blood stain on the wall from the connection. After a while a scream fills the house as the Mother sees what's happening.
Sickboy: Justine... drop the camera and deal with her please.
Soon the camera drops and goes static for a minute before the transmission comes back with Sickboy looking over the limp body of Mr Daniels with Mrs Daniels sobbing over the top of him sporting a two very fresh black eyes. Sickboy smiles sickly before looking back at the camera.
Sickboy: Keith, I promised you that I would make your life a hell to live in by punishing those around you. Make no mistake about it Keith if you continue your foolish ways with me this is going to be the result. You scarred me Keith and sooner than later I will scar you as well.
The footage then ends in static as everyone looks at the plasma screen in shock.
BC: Umm...I don't know what to say ladies and gentlemen. But I do understand that the local law enforcement has been contacted...so hopefully this was all just a joke. Either way, we're here to see a show...and the show must go on! My next guest is a former CWF National and World Champion and earlier this month at Last Man Standing, in the midst of a controversial ending, lost in his challenge of Magnus Thunder�s World title. Ladies and gentlemen...the man formerly known as �The Nitemare�...Rob Osbourne!!
�Pain� by 3 Days Grace plays as Rob Osbourne walks through the curtain clad in jeans, black combat boots, and a camouflage hooded jacket with a camo sock hat on his head. His facial hair looks unkempt and wild as he pulls off his shaded and hangs them on his shirt collar as the six foot, ten inch three hundred and twenty-five pound Retribution, clad in a black neoprene body suit and an all black leather mask covering all but his chin and hair, steps out behind him as Osbourne drops into the seat on the couch while Retribution walks behind the couch and stands at attention.
BC: Thanks for being here Rob. Is he uh...is he going to stand there like that the whole time?
RO: Yes. He is. You see, your reaction is perfect. That�s how EVERYONE in the CWF needs to react when they see this man. Did you see him flat out decimate Magnus Thunder last Saturday night at Showdown?
BC: I did. But that�s not why I wanted to interview you tonight. Rob, I want to know...the CWF Fans want to know...and most importantly...the Horsemen NEED to know....what�s going on with you?
RO: What�s going on with me? I�m not sure if even I know the answer to that Bobby Crane. You see, for years, I have lived life in fifth gear. Never slowing down, never stopping, taking the turns way too quickly. I started taking things for granted. I started to go against something my grandmother preached til her death. �Don�t assume. It makes an ASS out of U and ME.� And she couldn�t have been more right.
BC: But that doesn�t explain much. We�ve heard you say over and over in the last week that The Nitemare is dead. Why? Wait...before you answer that...what I am trying to say is this isn�t the Rob Osbourne I know. It isn�t the Rob Osbourne ANY of us know.
RO: Well, losing does something to a man Bobby.
BC: Oh cut the crap Osbourne...you lost three matches ALL YEAR and if I�m not mistaken one of those was by your own hand when you rolled Pledge on to Adams for the win in the fatal four way between yourself, Adams, Pledge and The Juggernaut. You need to quit with the pity party and bring back what the fans want.
RO: WHAT THE FANS WANT?!?! How do you know what the fans want Crane? You�re no different than I was. You think because of your early success in your career that you are owed something. That the guys in the back should cower at the sound of your name because you beat somebody up a long time ago? What have you done lately Bobby Crane? Because what I see is a man who gets beaten by Paul Blair and Terry Richards. Don�t patronize me Bobby Crane.
BC: Fair enough. So you were tired of living off of your reputation. Something snapped inside you and you needed to get away. I get that. But all because of losing to Magnus?!?! MAGNUS?!?! Come on Rob. You�re better than that.
RO: Am I? And it wasn�t just losing to Magnus. It was Christina leaving me then getting murdered in the middle of our divorce proceedings. It was Blast turning on me. It was Tige� lying to me then stabbing me in the back and then his interference at LMS. It was Roland Ulv turning one me. It was the CWF fans turning on me....
BC: HEEL of the year Rob. The fans didn�t turn on you. They hated you already. All you did was validate everything they thought. You want the gloves off? Fine. The gloves are off. You�ve lost the respect of allot of people recently Rob Osbourne, myself included.
RO: No offense Bobby, but if losing the respect of a washed up has been never will be again or losing the respect of the fans had ever concerned me I�d have been done long ago in this business. I�m the prostitute the CWF needs. They hate me, they don�t respect me, they use me to their ends, and if they see me out in public they pretend not to know me or like me...but secretly, they love what I do for them and to them. They pay me for what they pay me for. And every time....win, lose or, draw...I never disappoint. At least that WAS the case. Now...I�m not so sure they are going to like what they get.
BC: And why is that?
RO: Because gone are the days when Rob Osbourne takes the easy way out. Gone are the days when Rob Osbourne gets fed a line of shit from the suits in the back and just takes it. Gone are the days when two bit hacks like Roland Ulv and Tige� are able to cost me the opportunity to be the World�s Heavyweight Champion. 2010 is going to be a banner year for me. Honestly speaking Bobby...I have already laid the ground work for the next six months. The CWF has a rough road in front of it, courtesy of Rob Osbourne and Retribution.
BC: Funny that...
RO: What�s funny about it?
BC: Well, I noticed that you said the CWF was in for a rough road courtesy of Rob Osbourne and Retribution...and not The Horsemen, but I�ll get to that in a minute. I�m a shameless man and I told you before hand that I wasn�t pulling any punches tonight. We all thought you were done after LMS. We hadn�t heard hide nor hair from you in nearly three weeks, then you run out last Saturday at Showdown and sent a shockwave through the locker room. I won�t lie to you. There were a lot of very disappointed people backstage Saturday night. What do you say to those that were hoping you were gone for good?
RO: What do I think about that? I really don�t give a shit to be perfectly honest with you. To spite the rumors about me being a whore for the spotlight, I could care less what happens. That wasn�t Rob Osbourne Bobby. That was �The Nitemare� � I have no problem taking a back seat while guys like Jack Mason and Brian Adams take their shots at the sad excuse we call a World Champion.
BC: But you went from the top dog in the fight...the #1 contender...to being, what, fifth...sixth on the list of potential challengers? And for no reason other than you dropped off the face of the earth after a loss?
RO: Dropped off the face of the earth Bobby? No...I just took a break. It is okay to do that, right? Adams �dropped off the face of the earth� after losing to Magnus and you people make no mention of THAT. The Nordic Nincompoop runs off The Flawless One and we don�t see or hear anything from Brian Adams from June until January...then Pledge fakes his own death...FAKES HIS DEATH BOBBY....and you criticize ME for taking a few weeks off after having my life turned upside down? I don�t think so. You want to know my plans? Well...just like the rest of the CWF...you�d better be tuned in every second of every CWF broadcast to find out what�s going to happen next...if not...if you fast forward to the end or you only watch half the show...you�ll miss all the clues.
BC: I don�t know what that means, but let's talk about the state of The Horsemen. You left them high and dry two weeks ago. This past week you returned taking down Thunder with the help of Retribution...and then when Chemical X and Jack Mason came down for back-up and the REAL action started to heat up, you just left them standing there wondering along with the rest of us. Exactly what is going through your mind?
RO: I was tkaing care of my business, and they were taking care of theirs. Pretty simple really.
BC: To hell with this. I'll take on the 300 pound gorilla in the room and I have no trouble being the one to ask this question...this cutting ties to all things �The Nitemare�...does this include your ties to The Horsemen?
RO: Yes. Yes it does.
BC: I....I don't believe what I just heard. Do you plan on telling them?
RO: Didn't I just do that? I said I was cutting ties with all things "The Nitemare"...that's pretty God damned self explanatroy Crane.
BC: Well, smart ass , that could mean you were cutting ties with the CWF as well.
RO: You're right. It could. And it just may. But that remains to be seen. Always in motion, the future is. But like I said...ALL things The Nitemare. That includes that stupid theme song Xamin was paying Metallica some ridiculous royalties for. You see Bobby Crane, the past few months there has been one constant in my life....
RO: No. Asshole. Pain. Fitting really, with my tag line being Life is paiN. Seems I should continue to embrace the pain and deal with it and let it make me stronger.
BC: So you've got a new song picked out and I guess we're going to get to hear it when the interview is over and you leave?
BC: With that being said, I think we're all done with this interview. Rob, it's been a pleasure.
RO: Trust me, it was all yours.
"Pain" by Three Days Grace kicks in as Osbourne and Retribution hurriedly exit through the emergency exits into the parking lot.
BC: We're coming close to the end of the show here folks! But before we go, we have ONE more guest! Ladies and gentlemen...the number one contender to the World Heavyweight Championship...the man who will battle Magnus Thunder at the Valentine Bash...the one...the only...Jack Mason!
�Chinese Democracy� by Guns N� Roses plays ... it plays for about 1 minute before Gonzo Goblin walks out and hands Bobby Crane a note. Bobby looks over it and appears confused. They talk a little more ...
GG: Look, Jack�s not coming out here unless you agree to this.
BC: Ok, ok ... I�ll do it.
GG: Good boy!
Gonzo walks backstage again, music still playing. Finally Jack Mason emerges with Gonzo. Jack has a CWF World Heavyweight championship belt thrown over his shoulder. They both walk in and Gonzo sits. Jack raises his arms in triumph, and then sits down.
BC: Welcome, Mr. Mason!
Gonzo points to the note he handed Bobby.
BC: Err ... right. I mean, welcome �champ�!
JM: The pleasure is all yours, Bobby. Everyone, and I mean everyone, wanted to interview me after winning the world title from Magnus Thunder. Katie Couric, Oprah, Geraldo, Bill O�Reilly, Johnny Carson ... the list goes on. I�m hot property right now. Consider yourself lucky! Now might be a good time for you to go over my accomplishments.
GG: ... Which you will find conveniently listed on that note there.
BC: right ...
Bobby looks down at the note.
BC: Well, you dominated the EWA for years. EWA was the top wrestling establishment at the time. You were the biggest fish in the biggest pond. You also dominated around other feds as well with your friend Rob Osbourne. Then you left to do some great work abroad. Then you came back and �single-handedly won Last Man Standing� and then just 2 weeks ago you �defeated Magnus Thunder for the title�..... okay guys, I don�t get it. We need to talk about the match coming up against Magnus and what happened last week, really.
GG: Hey! I told you the conditions before we came out! I�m doing you a favor! Jack Mason has a scrap-iron jaw, but he�s also got hell hounds on his trail! We are doing you a favor by giving you this interview PRE-PPV! You�ll have the first exclusive interview with Jack after his inevitable defeat of Magnus Thunder.
JM: Is there a problem here?
BC: No problem, Jack! People just want to know about your genius attack of Magnus last week ... yeah, that�s it. Calm down, guys. We know you�re gonna win! Don�t hit me!
JM: Okay well last week ... last week was a lot of fun! Magnus talks about hell so much that I thought he might want to actually visit it! Tall leaping flames and all! And I was going to gnash his teeth for him, too, but he got saved by security from me AGAIN. But at Valentine Bash, he won�t be able to escape.
GG: That�s right! That mother*bleep*er won�t be able to run forever. When the lighting effects stop and the match starts, he�ll be in our territory! Jack has taken down gorillas and elephants ... do you think some 7 foot retard is going to be able to stop him? Hehe ... hehe ... we�ll rape that mother*bleep*er, we�ll sodomize him with his own *bleep*ing d*bleep*k after we cut the *bleep*ing thing off from his mother*bleep*ing body! That big f*bleep*k is in the WRONG f*bleep*king place at the WRONG f*bleep*ing time!
BC: Woah ... okay, okay ... calm down. Count backwards from 3. Okay, that might be hard for you. Count backwards from 1.
JM: We don�t like your jokes, Bobby Crane. Maybe we should have a repeat match between you and I, right here? Would that be funny, too, Bobby Crane?!
Jack leans in, smiling, with his right eye twitching.
BC: ... uh ... uh ... so yeah, you�re the best wrestler of all time. Tell me, how does it feel to be lights years ahead of your peers in terms of technical prowess and mental conditioning?
JM: Oh ... oh, why thank you, Bobby Crane. Well, it feels great.
GG: Good question, Bobby. Life is easier when you read off of the note, isn�t it?
BC: Yes, sir. So what about the Nitemare, Jack? Is it true he�s leaving the Horsemen?
JM: Of course it is! The Nitemare is dead! There are no more nightmares for the nitemare! He�s had his last! He�s been sent out to pasture! We took him to a farm in the country! Okay? He�s dead. I don�t know what�s going on in his head ... I don�t even know what goes on in my head, Bobby.
BC: There are those who say he is going to turn on you and the Horsemen. What do you say to that?
JM: It will be increasingly harder for anyone to turn against the Horsemen as time goes on, Bobby. Trust me on this.
BC: It just seems sort of strange, this whole thing. Are you really a Horseman or just a hired gun? It seems likes it�s The Horsemen plus Jack Mason, rather than Jack Mason is a Horseman.
JM: That�s not on the note!
BC: Okay, okay! I thought it said that on here! I don�t read so well, okay? I�m sorry, I�m sorry.
JM: Let me just say this ... when I�m needed, I�ll be there. We don�t need to be best friends. We don�t need to have slumber parties and pillow fights. This is a business relationship, Bobby.
BC: Let�s move on to the pay-per-view. Have you faced anyone like Magnus Thunder before?
JM: Of course, Bobby, and I�ve beat them. I�ve beaten everyone. I beat Keith Daniels.
Gonzo points to the note again ... Bobby reads it.
BC: Oh ... *nods* ... �Yes. You. Did. Beat. Keith. Daniels.� ...
JM: Thanks for acknowledging that. No matter what the official records say, I�m the real winner there. Moving on. I�ve beaten all kinds. Magnus Thunder doesn�t scare Jack Mason one bit! I gave him a taste of hell last week ... he felt those flames, Bobby. Believe me, he felt them in more ways than one. And if he thought that was bad ... haha, he aint seen nothing yet. The flames are the constant part of hell ... you get used to the fire and the heat, you know ... if you were in them all day, that is. But you�re not. You�re taken out to be punished, and then thrown back in. He felt the flames, and next week at Valentine Bash, he will feel the punishment of Hell.
GG: Jack Mason has sent many people, body and soul, straight to hell. And the ones who haven�t had the privilege of going there have had to endure the torture from Jack. Trust me, when Jack Mason gets ahold of you, it�d be much better for you to be in hell at that moment than in front of Jack.
Jack gets up and gets right in Bobby Crane�s face ... he just stares at him. He has a crazy look on his face. Gonzo gets up and gets really close as well ...
GG: Tell me something, Bobby Crane ... where would you rather be right now? Here, with Jack Mason 3 seconds away from ripping your own arm off and beating you with it, or in hell?
BC: Oh god ... please ... I�d rather be in hell. Don�t do anything ... I�m just a talking head now, guys. I don�t wrestle. I think I�m going to piss.
Jack and Gonzo both start laughing hysterically after hearing this. They fall back into their seats and keep laughing. Crane sits straight up in his chair and straightens his shirt back up.
BC: You know I was just kidding guys!
GG: HAHAH! Sure you were, kid! Sure you were! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
BC (sighs): okay, well, is there anything you�d like to add before you leave?
JM: Yeah, I�d just like to say to Magnus Thunder ... WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN THE LARGES ...
GG: Jack! Jack! Copyright! Don�t say it!
JM: Haha, of course!
Jack then walks up to the camera and gets his face as close as he can to it...
JM: Magnus Thunder ... this *holds up belt* will be mine in one week ... I guarantee it. Right before you get in the ring with be on that day, I want you to think of these words that I�m getting ready to say to you ... let them swirl around that thick skull of yours surrounding that tiny, tiny brain. And take them to heart, Magnus ... you may just want to hand me the belt and walk away, leave the CWF forever. And what are these words of wisdom I have for you? Haha ... what else would they be? IT�S A NICE DAY TO DIE, MAGNUS THUNDER!!!
After screaming into the camera, Jack and Gonzo leave with the fake belt in tow ... Crane turns his attention back up to the plasma screen.
BC: Well, Roland...that was the last guest for tonight! Let's here your final analysis!
RRU: Well this has biin interesting fur sure. Thank yuu for giving mii this opportunity... I think I know who I will have representing mii fur sure.
BC: Might I ask who?
RRU: Well fur sure. But I wont answer. I will send Professor Hagstr�m over to thii next Shodown to make a wrestling analysis up close. And then I will riiviil thii new spokesperson at Valentine Bash fur sure!
BC: Thank you for joining us tonight Roland! Thanks to most of our guests who joined us tonight! And thanks to all of you peons who decided to come to Late Night With Bobby Crane! That's all we have for you...goodnight folks!
The fans applaud.
Fade to black.