Last week, in an incident that has had the wrestling world buzzing, Shock Value went a step too far, dumping what first appeared to be urine on The Osbourne Family. While it turned out to be fermented apple juice, the symbolism spoke volumes, and tonight there is little doubt that The Osbourne’s will be out for revenge as Rob Osbourne and son Bob Osbourne take on Brian Adams and Paul Blair in a tag team match of epic proportions.
And, just one week away from Summer Smash 2009, Magnus Thunder takes on Keith Daniels, the right hand man of the CWF World Heavyweight Champion, Brian Adams. Can Magnus send a message to Adams tonight? Or will Keith Daniels soften up the 7’5” behemoth one week before Brian Adams’ biggest title defense yet?
We’ll find out tonight! This is…
We fade in to a sold out Rose Garden in Portland, Oregon, where 20, 630 screaming fans have jam packed the arena to capacity. Fireworks explode at the stage and above the ring, igniting the crowd into a frenzy. A graphic reading “Summer Smash 2009 – 1 Week Away!” fades onto the screen and then just as quickly disappears. Standing at ringside to welcome us to the broadcast are Teddy Turnbuckle and “Beautiful” Bobby Crane.
TT: Welcome everyone to Portland, Oregon! We are sold out here at the Rose Garden for CWF Saturday Night Showdown, and we are just one week away from the hottest pay-per-view of the summer, Summer Smash 2009! Good evening everyone, I’m Teddy Turnbuckle, and with me, as always, is “Beautiful” Bobby Crane! What a show we have for you tonight!
BC: It’s going to be one of the most defining shows of the modern era, Teddy! After what Shock Value did last week, you can bet your bottom dollar The Osbourne Family is out for revenge tonight, and on top of that, we have a blockbuster lineup!
TT: Absolutely, Bobby…in the main event, Magnus Thunder takes on Keith Daniels, one week away from Magnus Thunder’s title shot at Summer Smash…will Magnus send Adams a message, or will it be Daniels who softens up the big Nordic giant and sends him to Summer Smash with his tail between his legs?
BC: Well after last week, everybody knows Shock Value will stop at absolutely nothing to get their message across, and if I’m Magnus Thunder, I’m not worried about being 7’5”, 550 pounds…I’m worried about what Keith Daniels will do to make sure I’m going to Summer Smash a broken, crippled man.
TT: In addition, and after what happened last week this one is going to be absolutely explosive… “The Nitemare” Rob Osbourne and his son, Bob Osbourne, go toe to toe with Brian Adams and Paul Blair! Rob Osbourne no doubt wants to get his hands around Brian Adams’ neck, and Bob Osbourne is scheduled to go one on one with Paul Blair at Summer Smash after the altercation these two had last week on Showdown! This match has major potential to get out of hand and I don’t know about you, Bobby, but I’m sure as hell a little nervous about sitting at ringside for that one.
TT: Well…at least you fans can watch this all unfold from the comfort of your living room, but nonetheless, that’s not even all…tonight, The Raving Lunatic will defend his newly won CWF Unified Championship against Motion…and whoever comes out of that the champion will take on the winner of Sickboy versus Drastic at Summer Smash next week, and that matchup will also happen here tonight!
BC: And not to mention James Baker will take a stab at avoiding another blowout loss…
TT: He’s up against the impressive newcomer, Mariano Fernandez tonight. And Alex Ruettiger will battle Kyle Sync.
BC: Battle? More like dismantle.
TT: Well regardless, all of that is on the agenda tonight, and…wait a minute, what’s this?
"Play The Game" by Motorhead booms throughout the arena and the crowd erupts with a mixed reaction.
TT: Can it be? Is it really "The Golden One?"
BC: The entire CWF Universe has been waiting with baited breath for comments from Jeff Jericho. It looks like we're going to get some answers, Teddy. Here he comes!
Before Bobby can finish his sentence, Pledge Allegiance appears at the top of the ramp. He's wearing a tattered golden sequin robe and he has on a blonde wig which is exceptionally crooked on his head. He stands in the middle of the aisle and raises both arms up and waves to the crowd. The crowd, now realizing that it's Pledge, roars with approval as he struts to the ring.
BC: What the...
TT: Oh my! It's Pledge! This should be interesting.
BC: This is ridiculous. Where's Jericho? Someone get out here and stop this mockery!
Pledge is now in the ring and calls for a microphone and the timekeeper tosses him one. He taps on it to make sure it's on. Jeff Jericho's theme dies down and Pledge begins to address the crowd.
Pledge: For those of you that don't know me. My name is "The Olden One" Jeff Geritol!
BC: Geritol? As in the senior citizen vitamin? Absurd!
Pledge: I am a 42 time CWF World Champion and a Hall of Famer! Night of Champions II will go down as one of the most historical nights in CWF history because it marked my return to a CWF ring for the 17th time.
I'm here to make a public apology to all of you fans and to Pledge Allegiance, my American Icon. You see, at my advanced age, 99 to be exact, I have really, really bad dementia. I did not know what I was doing when I attacked Pledge in the Hell in a Cell portion of his championship match with Brian Adams. The last thing I remembered was that I was shuffling off to the bathroom to brush my dentures then all of a sudden I found myself in the ring dressed as a camera man. I have no idea what happened.
I would never, ever intentionally want to get involved in Pledge's business. Pledge is so much bigger, faster, stronger...younger than I am. I don't want any piece of Pledge, he'll destroy what's left of me. The thought of having to face him in the ring makes me want to soil my Depends.
So, I hope that Pledge and all of you can forgive me for my actions at Night of Champions. It was truly behavior unbecoming of a legend such as myself and I could not be more sorry.
Now many of you have been asking where have I been and what have I been doing since you last saw me in action. Well, I have been touring all of America's finest rest homes. I've also become a world class shuffleboard player. I have also definitely enjoyed a prune juice enema or two since the last time you've seen me as well.
So, in closing, let me reiterate that I am "The Olden One" Jeff Geritol and I am the 82 time CWF World Champion! I also don't want any part of Pledge Allegiance either. He scares me. I plan on relying on my fellow members of Shock Value to protect me from whatever elder abuse Pledge has in store for me! Thank you...and good night!
Pledge drops the microphone and shuffles over to the ropes and then hopes over them. He waves to the crowd as he struts up the ramp.
BC: What a disgrace! How can he do that to Jeff Jericho? He's a bona fide legend in this company!
TT: He's Pledge Allegiance, Bobby, he's capable of most anything!
BC: Yeah, except beating Shock Value...particularly Brian Adams!
TT: Ouch. Well I would have to agree that Pledge has fired the first salvo here tonight against Jericho. I'm sure that little demonstration did not go unnoticed by "The Golden One."
BC: Don't worry Teddy, Pledge will get what's coming to him, soon enough!
TT: Well on that note, we are ready to get underway with our first match up…James Baker taking on Mariano Fernandez!
Cut to the ring.
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen hailing from Buenos Aires, Argentina. He weighed in today at 176 lbs. He stands 5'9” tall... Mariano "The Shadow" FERNANDEZ!
"The Biggest Fight" by Hironobu Kageyama hits the pa system. The stage goes black , then a spotlight comes on. The spotlight moves to Mariano Fernandez who is looking down to the floor. He looks up and hits his right fist against his left palm to the crowd's cheers. The song intro finishes and pyro sprays upward from both sides of the stage entrance. Mariano starts running to the ring, he high-fives the fans along the way. He slides into the ring on his stomach, then rolls into a standing position. From there he bows towards the crowd in all directions of the ring, then a single time towards His opponent.
Ring Announcer: His opponent, in the ring now, 'The Extreme Gangster' James Baker!
TT: The ref calls for the bell, and the match is underway.
The Shadow and the Extreme Gangster circle each other. Baker shoots in for a take down on Mariano, but is met with a quick knee strike to his forehead. He staggers back as Fernandez bounces off the far ropes... Baker out of nowhere with a high back body drop.
BC: Fernandez is up quick though, and the two stare each other down once more.
Baker holds his right hand up, inviting The Shadow to a test of strength. Mariano is hesitant to lock up with the gangster.
TT: Rightfully so, we haven't seen much of the Extreme Gangster yet, but from what we've heard from him it sounds like he will do anything to win.
Fernandez finally decides to test his strength against that of Baker. They lock hands and Baker immediately takes control, powering the smaller Mariano Fernandez down to his knees.
BC: This crowd sounds like it's starting to get behind Fernandez a bit. I can hear chants of 'Shadow' coming from all over the place.
Mariano pushes up against the strength of James Baker. He's doing it. Just as Fernandez makes it back to his feet baker puts the tip of his boot in his gut. Fernandez falls back to his knees, releasing his grip on Baker's hands to hold his own stomach. Baker wastes no time, he throws kick after kick at the downed Fernandez dropping him to his back.
TT: Seems to me that James Baker is trying to slow the pace of this match, so that Mariano can't get into his groove. Looks like it may be working.
The Gangster pulls Mariano back up to a sitting position. Baker behind Fernandez, he locks in a tight sleeper hold.
BC: Mariano's fading fast Teddy. The ref is there to check on him.
The ref picks The Shadow's hand up once... it falls to the mat. He picks it up a second time.. it falls again...
TT: This crowd is roaring with support for Mariano...
The ref pulls Mariano's hand up above his head once more. He lets it go.. no! It stops inches above the mat.. the hand clenches into a fist. Mariano begins to shake with resiliency. Baker lays out to put more pressure on the neck of Mariano Fernandez, but Mariano seems not to notice. He begins to push himself back to his feet, with James Baker hanging around his neck.
BC: Mariano is back to his feet, but just long enough for Baker to throw him back to the mat hard. Baker off the ropes... he flies through the air coming down with a splash on Fernandez. Mariano looks to be in pain right now.
TT: Baker signals that he's going up high.
The Extreme Gangster to the apron. He climbs to the top rope, taking his time as he does so. Once he reaches the top he holds both arms out wide. He leaps off of the top rope, flipping end over end with a shooting star press...
BC: But Mariano rolls out of the way at the last second. Baker catches nothing but a face full of mat and now both competitors are down.
TT: Both men are slow to get up... Mariano reaches his feet first. He takes off in the direction of Baker... Yakuza Kick to the skull of the Extreme Gangster. His eyes close immediately, he falls to the mat with a thud. Mariano quickly with the cover. The ref is there to count...
TT: Mariano with the victory!
BC: Mariano with a small celebration in the middle of the ring as his hand is raised by the referee. Mariano folds his arms around his chest and looks away, lifts his right fist saying "Ore no kachi da!", then gets down the ring and bows down to the crowd.
TT: Well a hell of a showing by James Baker tonight, certainly a big improvement over his previous performances, but an even more impressive showing by Mariano Fernandez, who picks up his first win in his CWF career.
BC: Little goody two-shoes finally gets a win, woopty doo. Now he can go backstage and hug his mommy and say his little prayers.
TT: What’s wrong with giving your mother a hug or praying?
BC: Oh shut up.
TT: Well…regardless, earlier this afternoon our camera crew caught footage of Bryan Joseph Osbourne…I haven’t seen this footage, but when Bryan Joseph Osbourne is involved…it’s got to be interesting. Let’s have a look. Cut to a shot of the back of the arena. It zooms in near the loading dock. Down in the back alley, and to the backside of the wall and a dumpster. There, squatting down sits Drastic a.k.a. Bryan Joseph Osbourne. He is wearing his torn, stained, and bloodied Rob Osbourne t-shirt and a pair of utterly disgusting jeans that are torn up at the bottom. He is barefoot and very dirty and smelly. His pants are around his ankles and he is stressing hard. The vein in his forehead is popping out as he appears to…relieve himself…on a piece of newspaper. He scoops it up, ducks it in a plastic bag and pulls up his pants. He goes inside the arena and ducks into a men’s room. His eyes twitch. He looks in the mirror and is sickened with what he sees. He starts cleaning himself in the sink and his uncle Rob walks in the bathroom.
NRO: (doubled up fists raised in the air) Drastic?
BJ: No. It's me. I keep running out of pills so HE keeps coming back. I think I slept under the dumpster behind the arena. Oh...and he had this...
BJ hands Rob the plastic bag with his own poo in it. Rob drops it in a shopping bag and heads out of the bathroom. The camera follows him as he walks to the catering department. He stands over in the corner talking with one of the chefs. He hands the guy a small roll of $100.00 bills and the bag. Osbourne walks away smiling.
TT: Oh God…I don’t even want to know what they’re gonna do with that…
BC: That is all kinds of disgusting. Can someone please take Bryan Joseph Osbourne back to the mental facility, strap him up in a strait jacket, stick him in a rubber room, lock the door and throw away the damn key? He’s bring poo into the arena, Teddy…POO!
TT: Ok I think this would be a good time for a commercial break…don’t go anywhere folks…the…well…it’s about to hit the fan.
TT: Alright, welcome back fans…before the break we saw some rather disturbing footage and I hope like hell it goes no further than that, but with the Osbournes…well, you have to expect that it will.
BC: They’re sick human beings, Teddy…Drastic should not be allowed in CWF buildings, period!
TT: Well be that as it may, up next we have Alex Ruettiger taking on Kyle Sync and you’ve got to wonder…with Amanda at ringside, can Ruettiger remain focused? Can he earn his first CWF victory tonight?
BC: Put it this way Teddy…you could have a medieval army teleport back in time to this arena, and battle for Agincourt at ringside, and it shouldn’t be distraction enough to cause you to lose to Kyle Sync. Ruettiger has a chance to build some momentum heading into Summer Smash.
TT: Indeed, and at Summer Smash, Alex Ruettiger will take on the loser of tonight’s CWF Unified Championship match…either The Raving Lunatic, or Motion. Certainly Ruettiger is hoping it’s Motion given their rivalry that’s developed over the past couple of months. Ruettiger is looking to shake the monkey off his back and he’ll have to go through Motion in order to do it.
BC: Yeah well, I think Motion has a good shot at The Raving Lunatic tonight…it’s gonna be a hell of a match and Ruettiger may just end up with a nutjob in the opposite corner next week in Hawaii!
TT: Let’s get to the ring!
Cut to the ring.
Ring Announcer: Our second match of the night is set for one fall. Introducing first from Warsaw, Poland. He weighed in today at 275 lbs and he stands 6 foot 2 inches tall. Ladies and gentlemen.. The Adrenaline... Kyle Sync!!!
'Hunt you down' by Saliva and there is a roar of jeers from the audience. Sync steps through the entrance curtain to a hail of trash and debris. A half full soda splashes off the forehead of Sync as he poses for the crowd on the stage. He walks through the debris toward the ring, slipping here and there on fresh puddles of soda. He finally makes it to the ring as the ring announcer begins to introduce Ruettiger.
Ring Announcer: And his opponent. Hailing from South Bend, Indiana, Standing 6'1” and weighing 238lbs. Here is Alex Ruettiger!
'Hollywood Whore' by Papa Roach begins to blare through the pa system and the people begin to cheer. Alex appears at the top of the entrance ramp as pyro shoots into the air on either side of him. He spins once with his arms held to his sides as screams of “We love you Alex!” and “Amanda Rules” can be heard coming from the crowd. He looks toward the ring and Sync inside of it for a second before speeding off down the ramp. He slides in under the bottom rope and goes straight for Kyle, taking him down to the mat and throwing right fists into his face.
TT: I wonder where Amanda Crane has gone to Bobby?
BC: Probably Motion's dressing room Turnbuckle.
TT: Ah come on, Crane. That's not right. Let's just call the match can you do that?
BC: Better than you can my friend... Alex wastes no time ripping into the embarrassing Kyle Sync. Sync is defenseless against the onslaught. Kyle absorbs fist after fist with his face before Alex gets back to his feet. He pulls Kyle up to his feet and snaps off a quick suplex.
TT: He's still got a hold of him Bobby. Ruettiger rolls to his back and arches up. Another quick suplex, and Ruettiger lets go of Kyle Sync. He's back to his feet quick, and he pulls Sync up once more. Alex pulls Sync up into a fireman's carry. And he plants him directly on the top of his head.
BC: Sync is taking another beating here.. Alex is on top of him once more. He brings down fists into the face of Kyle sync with a fury. He's broken him open Turnbuckle... Sync is bleeding like a stuck pig.
TT: Alex quickly turns into a strait armbar. Sync's arm is bending in an awfull direction, but he's close to the rope. He pulls his way the two inches he needs and grabs the bottom rope. The ref breaks the hold but Ruettiger is back on Sync immediately. He pulls him to his feet throwing him to the far rope. Ruettiger with a shoulder tackle that knocks Sync out of his boots, and the ring. Sync flies over the top rope and crashes into the ringside floor with a sickening thud. Seconds later Ruettiger is flying through the air. He lands legs firs on Sync's prone body with a hellacious guillotine.
BC: The ref begins the count on the inside as Ruettiger gets back to his feet. He pulls sync up and throws him into the guard rail. Sync hits his ribs on the metal rail and crumples to the floor in a pile. Alex runs at Kyle jumping at the last second and hitting him with another hard shoulder tackle. Both men hit the guard rail, Sync taking the worst of it.
TT: Ruettiger back to his feet, he rolls under the bottom rope to stop the count, which had reached 8 and back out to get Sync. Ruettiger meets Sync as he is gathering himself on one knee. Alex with a DDT on the floor. Sync is bleeding everywhere now.
BC: Ruettiger pushes Sync back toward the ring and back into it. He climbs the ring steps and then the turnbuckles to the top rope. He poises himself there for sometime as Sync attempts to get back to a standing position. Ruettiger leaps from the top with a corkscrew cross body and hits Kyle dead on. Sync is spitting blood from his mouth now, it's running down his chest. What a sight!
TT: Ruettiger back to his feet. He pulls Sync up once more. He takes position behind the back of Kyle Sync, pulling Sync's upper body backwards. Alex places his opponent's face in his armpit and drops to the mat hard.
BC: [sings] Turn out the liiiiiiights, the party's over!
TT: Ruettiger is on top with the cover, this one is academic.
BC: Your winner Alex Ruettiger!
TT: Well you were right, Bobby…Alex Ruettiger destroys Kyle Sync for his first victory in the CWF, and that is no doubt a load off the shoulders of Ruettiger who has been impressive each time out but has fallen just short of a victory until tonight.
BC: And now he’ll shift his focus to the Unified Championship match later tonight. You can bet he’ll be watching that one with his feet kicked up from his locker room and Amanda screaming at him to run out and buy junk food and whatever her latest craving is. Pregnant women are crazy, Teddy.
TT: You’re a true moron, you know that?
BC: Are you suggesting pregnant women aren’t crazy?
TT: That’s exactly what I’m suggesting!
BC: Then you’re the moron!
TT: Alright I don’t have the patience to go back and forth with you tonight…up next folks, we have a hell of a contest…Sickboy taking on Drastic, and the winner will move on to Summer Smash for a CWF Unified Championship match! This one could be the sleeper of the night and I can’t wait to see it.
BC: Sickboy has been extremely impressive but he can’t seem to get it done when it’s all on the line…let’s see if he can reverse that trend tonight, but it’s gonna be a steep hill to climb against Drastic.
TT: Well regardless of who shows up, Drastic or Bryan Joseph Osbourne, it’s gonna be a tough battle for Sickboy. Let’s get to the ring!
Ring Announcer: First, standing six feet four inches tall and weighing in at two hundred and seventy pounds, via New York New York.....THIS....IS....SICKBOY!
Crowd explodes as "Angry Chair" by Alice in Chains erupts throughout the arena as Sickboy makes his way to the ring.
TT: Sickboy has been coming up short the last few weeks despite some very strong showings.
BC: He's the Dwight Howard of the CWF Teddy.
TT: What the hell does that mean Crane?
BC: Well, simply put, he can make it to the big dance, but can't close the deal. He showed that the last time he faced Drastic in the Lord of the Ring finals, then again when he faced The Nitemare.
TT: Well, he has a chance tonight to right the wrongs of the past month and earn a chance at the Unified Championship at Summer Smash.
BC: Whoever the champion may be by the time Summer Smash rolls around remains to be seen.
TT: Indeed. The Raving Lunatic will defend that belt later on tonight against his former New Church stablemate, Motion.
BC: But now Teddy..now its time for things to get a little drastic..
Ring Announcer: And his opponent, hailing from Van Nuys, California standing 6'1" and weighing 236 lbs, representing Omega.....THIS.....IS......DRASTIC!
"Never Enough" by Five Finger Death Punch blasts out as the lights in the arena go out and pitch black takes over. Red pin lights flash throughout the arena as a giant butterfly made of blood fills the screen on the jumbo screen. Lightning cracks and hits the center of the ring as Drastic steps out from behind the curtain. As he walks to the ring, fans give him a mixed chorus of boos and cheers.
TT: The ref calls for the bell and this one is under way!
BC: Drastic ties up with Sickboy, who fakes the tie up and kicks Drastic in the stomach. Drastic, unphased, delivers a standing clothesline to Sickboy.
TT: Sickboy right back to his feet..Drastic running at him..hip toss by Sickboy. Wilkes grabs Drastic by the shirt and pulls him to his feet. Drastic shaking off the cob webs now and hooks Sickboy around the waist and belly to back suplexes him halfway across the ring..
BC: Not today Teddy! Sickboy flips in air and lands on his feet..sprints at Drastic, Drastic with a drop toe hold and Sickboy eats canvas!
TT: Drastic back on his feet, pulls Sickboy up by the hair and sends him into the ropes...BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX BY DRASTIC!
BC: This guy is a suplex machine Teddy. He's on top of Sickboy now, locking in some type of submission hold. Sickboy is writing in pain. Drastic has him locked up in a modified STF.
TT: And Sickboy is grimacing hard trying to get to the ropes.Drastic leans in and applies veen more pressure to the neck and jaw of Wilkes..
BC: And Sickboy finally gets his hand on the bottom ropes. The ref telling Drastic to break the hold, but the lights are on and no one’s home! He won't let go Teddy! Finally Drastic relents and releases the hold and starts kicking Sickboy about the head, chest, face, neck, and breast.
TT: Sickboy is in a world of pain. He pulls himself up into a vertical base as Drastic sizes him up. Drastic waiting patiently for Sickboy to get to his feet..SPEAR! DEAR GOD! He nearly split him in half with that spear!
BC: I don't see how this match can continue Teddy. Wilkes has nothing left to give after this all out assault by Drastic. He may be crazier than a shit house rat, but he's talented as all get out.
TT: Well Bobby, he IS an Osbourne.
BC: Yes he is. And he is about to take one step closer to being more and more like his father and uncle. This new generation of Osbournes is nearly as talented as the last. They're like freaking Lays potato chips. Crunch all you want. They'll just make more!
TT: Enough about that, this is Sickboy and Drastic. And Drastic is making short order of Sickboy here in this bout. Drastic climbs the ropes.he signals for the GG..NO!!!
BC: Sickboy moves and he completely misses the move. Sickboy kips up..he was playing possum again Teddy. And here I thought that only worked on senile old codgers like Paul Blair…
TT: Sickboy climbing the turnbuckle himself now. Drastic sprawled out in the center of the ring. Sickboy signaling for his new favorite move, the five star frog splash..NO!
BC: Drastic showing a few signs of his own marsupial nature and brings the knees up right on cue and nails Wilkes full force in the bread basket. Sickboy is screwed now.
TT: Drastic back up…he pulls Sickboy to his feet…BADD DREAM! BADD DREAM! BADD DREAM!
BC: Settle down Crane, it's just a DDT.
TT: Drastic looks like he will be going on to Summer Smash and facing The Raving Lunatic for the Unified Title!
BC: He's not done yet Teddy. He's gonna try for that GG one more time…
Suddenly "Enter Sandman" by Metallica erupts through the PA sending the entire crowd into a frenzy. Drastic freezes like a deer caught in headlights as his father, "The DayDreamer" Chris Osbourne steps onto the apron, mic in hand.
DCO: Bryan. Get down.
Drastic hops down off of the turnbuckle, almost stone faced, nearly trance like.
DCO: You wanted to know what was on the other tape? Fine.I'll show you..
The screen on the Jumbo screen comes up from black, full of static. As the video focuses into a picture the bottom right of the screen reads, December 3rd, 2003. It is a crude home video. Chris Osbourne turns the camera around to face him.
Chris Osbourne: I have to make this quick. Two days ago my son Bryan...he did something unwillingly and out of his control. He is all broken up about it. He killed his best friend and a family of strangers on accident. I was at an event trying to keep the AWF in check. I can't say much about that though. My son woke up from a minor coma a few hours ago and asked me to make this go away. He lies in a bed behind me. Still bleeding, and torn between what he did and how it is effecting him. I don't know what I should do. Part of me says "Do what he asks of you" another part of me says make him face this like a man..like an Osbourne. I just cannot use fame and fortune to break him free of his past. That is a door he must unlock on his own.
Chris stands up and moves the camera. Lying on the table is Bryan Joseph Osbourne. He is in a hospital gown with bandages over his head. Cuts and scrapes all over. Chris sobs a bit and walks back to the corner.
Chris Osbourne: I've decided what I need to do. No kid should go through this. Everyone makes stupid mistakes. Death is part of life. Please forgive him for everything he has done.
Chris nods to a doctor and makes a phone call. The camera video cuts out and then picks back up again. This time reading December 3rd, 2004.
Chris Osbourne: My son has been living with another family. It hurts so much to see him grow up. Not being able to help him, or be there for him. I still watch him, but I feel so wrong. Like a stalker. I just... I don't know what I would do if I lost him.
The camera spins around looking at Bryan sitting on a long stone wall on a cell phone. His friends walk down the street and meet up with him. The camera spins back around looking at Chris Osbourne once more.
Chris Osbourne: I'm going to do this for as long as I can. I do care about him.
The video cuts out once more and reappears yet again. This time reading December 3rd, 2005.
Chris Osbourne: My son graduated from highschool two weeks ago. He is going to college. I paid for everything but no one knows that. My carear in the wrestling business is all but over. I'm moving on to better things. I honestly hope he never gets into this business. It ruins people. Wait... what the...
The camera spins around facing Bryan Joseph Osbourne who is sitting on a motorcycle. A purple Ferrari rides up next to him and he freaks out. An argument is heard and the car speeds off. The plate on the car reads NRO. Chris becomes enraged and Bryan hears him.
Bryan Joseph Osbourne: Who is there?! You! HEY YOU! ARE YOU WATCHING ME! GET THE F**K BACK HERE!
Bryan gives chase and Chris runs off the opposite direction. The video ends.
DCO: Now..now do you understand? Now do you see that the web of lies your "Uncle Rob" has told you has consumed you? I don't hate you Bryan. You are everything to me. Come on son. It's time to go home.
Drastic, tears in his eyes simply rolls out of the ring and walks expressionless to the top of the ramp. He stands nose to nose with his father and then they hug and walk away.
BC: What the hell just happened?
TT: I'm not 100% sure but I think..I think Chris Osbourne just got his son back.
BC: What does this mean for Omega? Hell, for that matter what does this mean for The Osbourne Family?
TT: Moreover, what does that mean for this match?
BC: I think we're gonna get an answer to that one....the ref begins the 10 count.
TT: He has no choice. Drastic has left the ring.
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner, by count out, and going on to face the CWF Unified Champion at Summer Smash…SICKBOY!
TT: What a huge victory for Sickboy!
BC: Wow! I didn’t think he had a chance against Drastic but he got it done and now he has a chance to be the CWF Unified Champion at Summer Smash next week!
TT: Well I’ll tell you what, whether it’s Lunatic or Motion, whoever the Unified Champion is will have his hands full in Honolulu next week! But fans, we have to take a commercial break…don’t go anywhere, the Unified title is on the line next!
As we come back from commercial, the camera cuts backstage, outside of the door marked "Shock Value." Brian Adams and Keith Daniels walk up and open the door and the camera enters with them.
Keith Daniels: Hey Brian, check it out, the catering staff left us some brownies! Dig in!
Brian Adams: Hell yeah, I have the munchies…
Just then there is a knock at the door. Adams looks at Daniels and motions towards the door. Daniels reluctantly gets up and answers it. As he opens the door Paul Blair walks in.
Paul Blair: What the hell did you want to see me for Adams? You going to give the Ruler a lecture about being prepared to co-exist yadda yadda yadda? Well, if so, let me save you some time. I got one thing on my mind and one thing only. Teaching that brat kid of Osbourne’s a lesson.
Brian Adams: My friend, common enemies make for interesting bedfellows. Here, as a showing of good faith, have one of these brownies.
Keith Daniels: You are so gay.
Brian Adams: Piss off...
All three men start busting up in laughter, Brian Adams and Paul Blair begin to eat the brownies.
Brian Adams: You want one man?
Keith Daniels: No thanks. Im watching my figure. Chow down man.
Just as Adams scoops up the last brownie, with the thickest glaze, they all get a nasty look on their faces and begin vomiting. The camera zooms in to the plate. As the last one was lifted up it reveals a picture of Drastic relieving himself on the paper.
TT: That is unbelievably disgusting. I think I’m gonna vomit…
BC: Ok, NOW they’ve gone too far…
TT: Shock Value is going to maim Drastic…good Lord what a sickening act.
BC: I don’t even know what to say after that.
TT: Let’s just…let’s just get back to the ring. The CWF Unified Championship is on the line here and it should be a hell of a matchup.
Cut to the ring.
Ring Announcer: The following match is scheduled for one fall and it is for the CWF Unified championship. First, making his way to the ring, hailing from Dunshaughlin, Ireland. Standing six feet tall and weighing in at two hundred and twenty-eight pounds…Motion!
"Pretender" by the Foo Fighters begins to play as the curtains separate and Motion makes his way to the ring.
Ring Announcer: And his opponent, from Las Vegas, Nevada…standing six feet two inches and weighing in at two hundred and sixty-five pounds…being led to the ring by his manager, Dr. James Picard…he is the current CWF Unified Champion........THE RAVING LUNATIC!
"One of These Days" by Pink Floyd hits and the crowd explodes in a loud mixed reaction as The Raving Lunatic emerges from behind the curtain, followed closely by Dr. Picard. He walks to the ring, pulling bits of his own hair out along the way. Picard grins and holds the ropes open for him as he steps into the ring.
TT: Lunatic approaches Motion and the two stand nose to nose. Lunatic brings his fist up and Motion steps back. Lunatic extends his fingers to reveal a matted, sweaty palm full of his own hair. It is tied with a pink ribbon. He stretches his hand towards Motion, offering up the gift Motion slaps his hand away sending the matted clump of hair flying into the crowd.
BC: Lunatic's head shakes with fury, almost like a convulsion of sorts. He thrusts both hands around Motion's throat and hoists him into the air. He's choking the life out of him Turnbuckle. That's what Motion gets.
TT: That's what he gets for what Crane? What did he do?
BC: He was disrespectful to Lunatic. He offered him a gift and he rudely slapped it away. He deserves whatever happens.
TT: You are something else Crane. Lunatic is obviously a very sick individual. Picard does nothing but milk him every step of the way. I for one will rue the day he wises up and drops him like a bad habit.
BC: See Teddy, that's where you’re wrong. Lou milks Picard just as much as Picard milks him. It's give take Teddy. Give take.
TT: OH MY! The ref threatens Lunatic with a DQ if he doesn't let go of the chokehold on motion, so he does so by flinging him half way across the ring. And Motion slow to get back up.
BC: What a way to start the match doofus. In a choke hold. Nicely done. Way to squander another opportunity.
TT: Boy, you are on one tonight aren't you Crane? What happened? Did you put money on The Magic?
BC:.....and the Blackhawks....
TT: Damn. That's gotta smart. You just keep betting on the wrong things Bobby. I think I'm going start gambling, but my strategy will see what you bet on, and do the opposite!
BC: Can it smart ass.
TT: HAHAHA! What's wrong Crane, did I hit a nerve?
BC: No, but I think Motion just did. He just grabbed the arm of the Lunatic and tried to send the bigger man into the ropes on an Irish whip, but Lunatic just short arm clotheslined Motion all the way back to Ireland! I love this guy!
TT: Lunatic is going places in the CWF....and in this match....the big man's gonna fly.....
BC: He IS crazy isn't he Teddy? And he nails a double foot stomp to Motions chest. Motion flopping around on the mat like a fish out of water. Good gawd!
TT: Lunatic now toying with motion. He is slapping at the back of his head, rousing the fallen Motion.
BC: Lunatic grabs Motion by the knape of the neck and pulls him to his feet. Motion tries a mule kick out of desperation but Lunatic grabs his leg. Lou shaking his finger "no" at Motion. Motion hopping on the other leg in place.....ENSIGURI!
TT: Lunatic teeters.....he totters.....and YES! He falls down. Motion with a head of steam off of the ropes, he leaps over Lunatic, plants both feet in the middle of the tope rope and nails moonsault onto Lunatic.
BC: And Motion isn't going to slow down now Teddy. Goes to show you Teddy, one slip up can change the tide of a match. Motion now with a running start, and he nails a missile dropkick on the attempting to rise Lunatic, sending him right back down.
TT: Motion hops up in one quick leap onto the turnbuckle. He leaps HIGH into the air....360....splash across Lunatic. And both men took some damage on that one Bobby!
BC: But Motion is faring much better. look at Picard. He is livid. What is he doing now Teddy?
TT: I don't know but he screamed "ENOUGH!" before lifting up the apron. He appears to be rummaging around under the ring...he's pulling a garbage can out.....?!
BC: I think he's gonna toss the can to Lou as an equalizer Turnbuckle!
TT: Picard struggles to lift the can barley off of the ground Bobby. What is going on?
BC: Picard nearly blows a blood vessel in his forehead heaving the can onto the apron. He lays it down and rolls it into the ring. OH MY GOD! SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK!
TT: What IS that?
BC: Don't look now Teddy Turnbuckle, but that sick, sadistic son of a bitch had the decomposing body of Motion's father in that trash can under the ring. Oh my god....the smell is horrific!
TT: Look at Motion’s eyes!
BC: He's lost it Turnbuckle. Call up Shady Brook and book him a room. He's gone bonkers!
TT: Motion dives through the ropes head first into James Picard and nearly crushes the manager of the Unified Champion. Motion all over Picard now with a flurry of lefts and rights.
BC: He is pummeling Picard into a bloody pulp!
TT: That's right Bobby. Motion may not care about the match, but if he has any angle on winning it, he needs to get back to the man with the belt...
BC: You were saying?
Lunatic comes to and rolls out of the ring. He grabs the Unified Title from the time keeper's table and cracks Motion across the back of the head with it full on. Motion's head immediately begins bleeding.
BC: Let the crimson mask flow Turnbuckle!
TT: The ref didn't even see it. He's busy in the ring trying to help CWF officials remove Motion's father’s body. Lunatic rolls Motion back into the ring.
BC: You know how I was saying that whole bit about one mistake changing the match? Yeah....again with all of that.
TT: Lunatic beating Motion nearly senseless in the center of the ring. Meanwhile the officials still haven't gotten the body out of the ring yet. Lunatic stands up and nonchalantly walks over to the crowd around the body. He tosses a few CWF officials aside and grabs the body. He tosses it over his shoulder. This is barbaric and uncalled for.
BC: He shrugs the body off of his shoulder and it splats on the mat. He grabs the body by both ankles and stars whipping Motion with the corpse as if it were a weapon. Oh snap! Literally!
TT: One of the legs just popped off of the body. This is too much, Bobby..I can’t look.
BC: You don't have to Teddy. Just LISTEN.
TT: I think Lou is going to FINALLY end this debauchery. He pulls Motion up by his neck again and lifts him up and sets his bottom on the top of the corner turnbuckle....
BC: It's time for The Scatterbrain....YES! Top rop brainbuster DDT by the champ...cover......1...............................2...............................................3!
Ring Announcer: And here is your winner and STILL the CWF Unified Champion............THE RAVING LUNATIC!
TT: What a sick, sadistic, tainted victory and here comes security and EMTs to remove the body…
One EMT pokes at the body and then yells out to the officials on the outside of the ring.
EMT: It’s wax!
TT: Oh thank God…thank God that wasn’t what I thought it was…that is a wax figure in the ring and what a sick game Lunatic played, that is a replica of Motion’s dead father and that is just absolutely heinous.
BC: Wow! That thing looks convincing! It should be in a wax museum or something! Hey, that would look good at Niagara Falls!
TT: Motion is up and he is furious!
Motion groggily gets to his feet and tackles Lunatic. Security quickly pounces on them and breaks it up, desperately trying to hold Motion back.
TT: Motion is absolutely fuming and who can blame him? What a sick, reprehensible act by The Raving Lunatic and wait a minute…I’m getting word that something is going on backstage…let’s go back to Mark Xamin’s office!
Mark Xamin is seated at his desk in his backstage going over what appears to be the contracts of some of the CWF superstars. His enforcer Kodiak Winters is keeping vigil behind him. The door bursts open and in walks Pledge Allegiance. Kodiak Winters makes his way towards Pledge to get in between Pledge and Mark.
Pledge Allegiance: Trust me big man, you don't want any of this.
Mark Xamin: What do you want?
Pledge: It's time we had a talk face to face. You proclaim yourself to be so righteous and so just. Tonight Mark, I'm going to give you the opportunity to put your money where your mouth is.
Kodiak Winters moves towards Pledge to toss him out of the office but Mark calls him off.
Mark Xamin: Kodiak, let him finish.
Pledge Allegiance: Speaking from experience, I can attest that every one of Brian Adams' title defenses have been marred with controversy. At Vendetta it was the debacle of whose foot hit first while escaping the cage. At Night of Champions it was the infiltration of Jericho into the cage and the interference from Daniels.
As it stands right now, my dance card is wide open for Summer Smash. If you are so wise and fair, install me as the special referee in the CWF Championship match between Adams and Magnus. Let me be the one to ensure law and order in the ring considering none of your referees seem to be able to do the job. But, if you want to keep the illusion going that you're protecting Brian Adams and that you're in Shock Value's back pocket…don't accept my offer.
Mark Xamin: So let me get this straight. You expect me to believe that you will be a fair and impartial referee given your recent history with Adams?
Pledge Allegiance: You got it.
Mark Xamin: It’s really a shame Pledge. I have given you every opportunity to succeed here. It's too bad you can't see that. I'm not the guy you portray me to be. I’ll tell you what…you got it. You're in. But let me give you fair warning…if you step out of bounds at Summer Smash, I will become the man you think I am and I'll make your life a living hell. Do you understand me?
Pledge Allegiance: You bet.
Mark Xamin: Fine, it's a done deal. Kodiak, show him the door.
Kodiak attempts to grab Pledge by the arm to escort him out of the office but Pledge brushes him off and leaves on his own.
TT: What a blockbuster development! It will be Pledge Allegiance's responsibility to call the main event at Summer Smash!
BC: We've talked about being fair to Blair…that's not fair to Adams! He can kiss his title goodbye now, Pledge and Magnus are obviously in cahoots! Pledge has revenge on his mind and he's looking to get it next week!
TT: I'm not so sure, Bobby. Pledge is a stand-up guy. All I know is I can’t wait to see what happens when those three combustible personalities get in the ring at Summer Smash!
BC: You're an idiot!
Cut back to ringside.
TT: Well a shocking development and you can bet Brian Adams isn’t happy about this. But nonetheless, he is up next as he and Paul Blair take on Rob Osbourne and his son Bob, the first ever second generation star in the CWF.
BC: What an absolute sham! Pledge Allegiance has no business being the referee for the title match!
TT: Controversy surrounding the match for sure…but right now Adams has got to focus on this tag team match up…The Osbournes will surely be out to destroy the champion after the antics of Shock Value last week, dumping fermented apple juice all over the Osbourne Family, symbolizing urine.
BC: It was a thing of beauty! But already tonight, The Osbournes have tricked Shock Value into eating pooey brownies…the ultimate low. Lower than anything Shock Value has done and even you can’t argue that, Teddy.
TT: It was disgusting, no doubt. I’ve been trying to forget. Let’s just get to the ring!
Cut to the ring.
Ring Announcer: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first…at a total combined weight of 515 pounds…CWF Hall of Famer Paul Blair, and the CWF World Heavyweight Champion… BRIAN ADAMS!
“Represent” by (hed) pe hits, and the team of Adams and Blair step out from behind the curtain to a resounding shower of boos. Adams poses with the title at the top of the stage and Blair mocks fans as they walk down the aisle. They step through the ropes and begin discussing strategy.
TT: That could be a deadly team if they can stay on the same page, and what’s this?
"Just Like You Imagined" by Nine Inch Nails thumps through the arena with a loud roll of thunder. Magnus Thunder strides out onto the stage.
TT: And that's the sound of Thunder himself, and here he is!
Magnus Thunder: Mother Adams...your fate awaits you in Hawaii. You and I both know who the real champion is between us.
The crowd cheers, but Adams points defiantly at himself, wild eyes glaring holes in the giant and the fans.
Magnus Thunder: Your time is drawing to a close, and I've made sure to prepare something special to make your night goes as smoothly as possible.
Adams' face is a disgusted sneer.
BC: Oh boy! More rotten apple juice?
Magnus: You see, you have a masked coward to do the job for you, and that doesn't seem...equitable. So since you've extended the courtesy by virtue of having a corner man, so too will I extend that courtesy to myself.
The crowd cheers as Adams' is red with anger and begins cussing up a storm at the audience.
TT: A corner man for Magnus! Looks like it just might be an even-handed match this time!
BC: No way! NO WAY! Magnus is a born cheater!
Magnus Thunder: So come Summer Smash, when that bell tolls for thee...I'll have a little surprise of my own for you to ruminate over. Justice...will...REIGN!
TT: THE CROWD'S WILD AS LIGHTNING EXPLODES IN THAT RING! Summer Smash will be the match to end all matches.
BC: If Magnus loses this one, he's got no choice but to go into hiding! This'll be his third chance! TT: And perhaps third time really is the charm!
As Adams flips out in the ring, kicking the ropes and screaming at the crowd to shut up, “Nightmare” by Crooked X hits and the crowd explodes.
Ring Announcer: And their opponents! At a total combined weight of 458 pounds…Bob Osbourne and the CWF National Champion, “THE NITEMARE” ROB OSBOURNE!
Bob Osbourne steps through the curtain, followed by Rob Osbourne, who has the CWF National Title hanging from his shoulder. He poses with the title and the two Osbournes head to the ring.
TT: What a matchup this should be…Adams is no doubt furious about the brownies earlier tonight and Osbourne is still fuming from last week’s incident…but it looks like it will be Rob Osbourne and Paul Blair starting things off here…
*DING DING DING!*
TT: Here we go…
Blair and Nitemare circle each other. Adams screams at Nitemare from his corner. Nitemare invites Blair to tag in Adams. Adams holds out his hand and asks Blair for the tag. Blair looks to the crowd…the crowd roars, wanting to see Osbourne and Adams go at it. Blair walks over towards Adams and goes to tag him in but instead spins around and rocks an unsuspecting Nitemare with a clothesline! Blair furiously stomping on the fallen National Champion now and the crowd erupts into boos.
TT: Blair and Adams with a diabolical sequence there, no doubt they discussed that tactic…
Blair pulls Nitemare up and whips him to the ropes…Nitemare ducks the Blair Kick!
TT: Blair looking to end things early here!
BC: Damnit I’m so conflicted! I hate Blair but I can’t help but root for Adams…
Blair spins around and Nitemare boots him in the gut…reverse neck breaker! Blair caught by surprise and Nitemare turns around and forearms Adams in the face, knocking him off the apron! The referee admonishing Osbourne and Adams steaming on the outside!
BC: Here we go!
TT: It didn’t take long, Brian Adams and Rob Osbourne want at each other!
Blair from behind Nitemare…backcracker! Blair pulls Nitemare up and throws him through the turnbuckles, shoulder first into the ring post! Osbourne slumps over the middle turnbuckle as the referee yells at Blair. Adams on the outside walks up and slaps Nitemare across the face! Bob Osbourne jumps off the apron and runs around the ring…Adams doesn’t see him coming…and Bob dropkicks him into the ring post! Adams staggers around the outside and Bob with a spear! Adams down on the floor and the referee jumps to the outside to force Bob back to his corner!
BC: Come on ref!
TT: This one is already out of control and this crowd is rabid!
Blair pulls Nitemare out of the corner by his hair and throws him down to the mat. He heads to the second turnbuckle…elbow drop! No! Osbourne gets his foot up and Blair gets a mouthful of leather! Nitemare now inching his way to his corner…and he tags in Bob Osbourne! Bob in the ring and he immediately starts throwing right hands at Blair…Blair backs into the ropes and Bob whips him to the opposite side…flying forearm! Bob nips up and Blair slowly to his feet…and a deep hip toss by Bob! And another! And another! And Blair is reeling…he struggles to his feet, becoming winded…and ducks a clothesline…and he dives over at Adams and makes the tag!
TT: Bob Osbourne, just three weeks into his professional career is in the ring with the CWF World Heavyweight Champion and Adams is seeing red after Bob blindsided him on the outside!
BC: Bob is in way over his head here…
Adams grins at Bob and beckons for him to come and get him. Bob looks to the crowd and charges at the champion…Adams side steps him and grabs him from behind…back drop driver! And Bob Osbourne folds up like an accordion! Adams mockingly waves at Nitemare who is fuming on the apron. Adams stands over the CWF’s first ever second generation star and slaps him on the back of the head, adding insult to injury…and he pulls him up by his hair…PILEDRIVER! Adams is picking Bob Osbourne apart and he pulls him back up…whips him to the ropes…SPINEBUSTER! Bob Osbourne in a world of hurt and Brian Adams is mocking Rob Osbourne!
BC: I love it!
TT: Brian Adams perhaps trying to send Rob Osbourne a message…he is trying to hurt his son and Rob Osbourne has seen enough!
Nitemare tries to step through the ropes but the referee stops him. With the ref’s back turned, Blair gets in the ring and he and Adams double team Bob Osbourne. Blair holds Bob’s arms behind his back…Adams off the ropes…SPEAR! No! Bob moves and Adams spears Blair! Adams in shock and Bob from behind with a burst of energy…BULLDOG! And Adams’ face hits the mat and both men are down!
TT: This kid has got some fight in him!
Blair rolls back to his corner…Adams inching towards him…Bob inching towards Nitemare…Adams makes the tag! Bob makes the tag! And the crowd roars and Nitemare and Blair collide in the middle of the ring! Nitemare takes the upper hand and whips him to the ropes…back body drop! Blair sails seven feet in the air and hits the mat, but he bounces up quickly…Osbourne with a clothesline…and another! And another! The National Champion is a house of fire and he whips Blair to the turnbuckle…and monkey flips him back out! Nitemare heading to the top rope and this crowd is solidly behind him…Nitemare going for a moonsault…HE HITS IT! Blair looks dead to rites and Nitemare with a cover! He hooks the leg!
TT: Blair kicked out!
BC: I thought it was over!
Nitemare can’t believe it and he pulls Blair up…BADD DREAM! Nitemare nails him but before he can blink, Adams jumps him from behind and spears him in the back! Osbourne has the wind knocked out of him and Adams throwing furiously punches into the side of his head…BOB OSBOURNE! Bob Osbourne leaps over the top rope and he pulls Adams off his dad…Bob Osbourne and Brian Adams going at it tooth and nail in the center of the ring and both Blair and Nitemare now getting to their feet! Blair and Nitemare now exchanging blows and all four men survey the situation…and switch off! Nitemare and Adams throwing wild punches at each other now, and Bob and Blair rolling around the ring throwing fists!
TT: My God, this is organized chaos!
BC: This is insanity!
TT: The referee has lost complete control and I wouldn’t be surprised to see the match stopped here…
Bob Osbourne shoves off Blair and from behind Adams… back drop driver! And Bob Osbourne gives Adams a taste of his own medicine! Wait a minute…Blair from behind Bob…BLAIR KICK! He nailed Bob with it in the back of the head! But from behind Blair…it’s Nitemare…BADD DREAM! Nitemare nails him with it again and he makes the cover!
*DING DING DING!*
Ring Announcer: Here are your winners… Bob Osbourne and “The Nitemare” Rob Osbourne!
TT: What a match up and now all hell is breaking loose!
Keith Daniels and Jeff Jericho storm to the ring and jump on Nitemare and Bob, beating them down. But here comes Pledge and Magnus Thunder! Pledge and Magnus clear the ring and Adams grabs his title and screams at them from the outside! Shock Value retreating up the aisle and The Osbourne Family plus Magnus Thunder hold down the fort!
TT: My God, the tension is spilling over here one week away from Summer Smash!
BC: They don’t call it the hottest pay-per-view of the summer for nothing!
TT: Don’t go anywhere! Our main event is coming up next!
TT: Alright, welcome back fans and we are just about ready for our main event of the evening, Magnus Thunder taking on Keith Daniels of Shock Value, just one week away from Summer Smash where Magnus Thunder will attempt for the third time to win the CWF World Heavyweight Championship from Keith Daniels’ good friend, Brian Adams.
BC: Hey, Adams has beaten him twice before, he can do it again!
TT: Well Magnus has also beaten him before, Bobby…it’s going to be one of the most anticipated main events in recent memory. And to top it off, Brian Adams is going to have the masked man in his corner, and Magnus Thunder has promised a surprise in his corner! And…to top it off, Pledge Allegiance is going to be the special referee!
BC: It’s completely unfair, Teddy!
TT: Let’s get to the ring!
Cut to the ring.
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for our main event! The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Orlando, Florida…weighing in at 324 pounds…. “THE DANGEROUS ONE” KEITH DANIELS!
“It’s All Over” by Three Days Grace hits and Keith Daniels emerges from behind the curtain and struts down the aisle to the ring as the fans boo him relentlessly.
Ring Announcer: And his opponent! From Jotumheim, Norway...weighing in at 500 pounds….he is the 2009 Lord of the Ring, and the number one contender for the CWF World Heavyweight Championship….MAGNUS THUNDER!
“Just Like You Imagined” Nine Inch Nails hits and Magnus Thunder towers through the curtain as the thunder rolls. With Stormbringer in hand, Magnus steps over the top rope and stares down Daniels.
TT: This is it, folks! What a main event!
BC: Look at Keith Daniels, I love this guy…Magnus Thunder towers over most men but Daniels measures right up to him!
TT: Daniels is no slouch at 6’10” but Magnus still has seven inches on him…but you’re ready, Bobby…this is going to be a very interesting matchup.
*DING DING DING!*
Magnus and Daniels stand nose to nose in the middle of the ring. Magnus begins to quiver with anger as he stares into the eyes of Brian Adams’ best friend. Daniels slaps him in the face! Magnus grits his teeth and slowly turns his head back towards Daniels. Daniels’ eyes widen as he sees the fury in Thunder’s eyes…he begs Magnus off…Magnus grabs him and heaves him into the corner, unloading on him with lefts and rights to the body! Daniels contorting as if he’s being riddled with bullets and Magnus with a massive hip toss back to the center of the ring! Daniels slides into the corner from the force, right into the ring post, which catches him between the legs!
TT: Look at the power of Magnus Thunder! And that, fans, is why Magnus Thunder could be the new CWF World Heavyweight Champion next Saturday night in Hawaii!
Magnus outstretches his arms and lets out a ferocious war cry, which the crowd returns to him. Keith Daniels crawls back towards the center of the ring and Magnus strides over and pulls him up. He shoves him back into the corner and DRIVES his knee into Daniels’ gut. Daniels hunches over, the wind knocked out of him. Magnus whips him hard to the opposite corner…Daniels hits the turnbuckle chest first and snaps back to the mat.
TT: My God, Magnus Thunder is utterly dominating Daniels, his former stable mate years ago!
BC: Come on, Keith! You’ve gotta do something!
Magnus pulls Daniels to his feet and whips him to the ropes…SPINEBUSTER! No! Daniels hands on and he has Magnus stuck in a guillotine!
TT: What a counter!
BC: Yes! Choke him out!
Daniels tightens the hold as much as he can and then bobs up and down on the mat to increase the pressure. Magnus Thunder’s arms flail as he searches for a way out. Daniels arches his back as Magnus plants his foot in the mat and tries to leverage himself up. Magnus has him up off the mat but he quickly succumbs to the choke hold and drops back to his knees. Daniels sneering his lips as he rears back and Magnus delivers a couple of body shots in desperation. Daniels hangs on though and the referee checks Magnus…he lifts his arm once….twice…three times…and Magnus keeps his arm up on the third try but just barely! Daniels cinching up on the hold even tighter and Magnus reaches out…and grabs the rope!
TT: Magnus Thunder was nearly unconscious and perhaps out of instinct grabbed that bottom rope...and that is what makes Keith Daniels such a dangerous man in that ring, Bobby…he turned a spinebuster into a guillotine!
BC: And now Magnus has no idea where he is!
TT: Daniels had that hold on him, like a boa constrictor squeezing the life out of Magnus Thunder….
Daniels breaks the hold after a four count and quickly gets to his feet. Magnus lies on the mat nearly lifeless. Daniels grabs his leg, lifts it high into the air and DRIVES Thunder’s knee into the mat. Magnus bellows out in pain and Daniels does it again…and again! Daniels now drags him to the corner and he slides out to the outside…and he drags Magnus Thunder right into the ring post crotch first! Magnus in considerable pain and Daniels slams his knee into the post! And again! And again! The referee threatening to disqualify Daniels but Daniels ignores him and he has him in a figure four around the ring post! Magnus slamming the mat in pain and Daniels is trying to break his leg! The referee furiously pulls Daniels off the post and orders him back into the ring. With a smirk, Daniels complies.
TT: This is despicable! Daniels isn’t here to win the match, he’s here to hurt Magnus a week before his title match!
BC: Sounds like a good plan to me!
Daniels drags Magnus back to the center of the ring by his hair and then forces him back to his feet. Magnus stands on one foot, unable to put pressure on the other. Daniels off the ropes…STO! And Magnus hits the mat hard. Daniels mocks the crowd and they respond with an enormous collective boo. Daniels soaks it in and stalks over Magnus…Magnus grabs him and pulls him in…small package!
TT: Magnus damn near had him! He caught Daniels by surprise!
Daniels just barely breaks out of it as the ref’s hand was coming down for the three count and he angrily pounces on Magnus and pounds on him with fists of fury. Magnus covers up but Daniels doesn’t care. He pulls Magnus back to his feet…and whips Magnus to the ropes…Magnus reverses…Daniels off the ropes…big boot! No! Daniels ducks…and he comes back with a flying forearm! No! Magnus ducks! Daniels hits the referee!
TT: The ref is down! The ref is down!
BC: Now it’s gonna get interesting!
Magnus backs himself into the corner by the seat of his pants and Daniels grabs the referee and throws him to the outside violently. He hops through the ropes and to the outside, and snatches the ring bell from the time keeper. He slides back into the ring and stalks over Magnus with it.
TT: Daniels with the ring bell!
BC: Ring his bell, Keith! Ha!
TT: Daniels is going to knock his block off with the damn ring bell!
Daniels rears back to nail him with the bell but stops himself. He looks conflicted. He shakes his head and rears back again…but again stops himself.
BC: Come on, Keith! What’s the hold up? Remember that old saying…what the hell, use the bell!
TT: Daniels can’t bring himself to hit Magnus Thunder with the bell and this is bizarre…
Daniels tosses the ring bell to the outside. Magnus looks at him, puzzled, and pulls himself to his feet. Daniels immediately kicks him in the knee. Magnus hobbles to the ropes and holds himself up. Daniels goes to boot him in the gut once more but Magnus grabs his foot…he pulls him in….one powerbomb! And a sitout powerbomb! THUNDERSTORM!
TT: MAGNUS NAILED HIM WITH THE THUNDERSTORM! But there’s no referee!
As Magnus realizes the ref is unconscious, he curses his bad luck and rolls off of Keith, collecting himself. Suddenly, the man in the black mask appears, running through the crowd with a steel chair. He hops over the guard rail and into the ring.
TT: THE BLACK MASK! Who the hell is under that thing?! He has a chair and Magnus is in big trouble here!
The man in the black mask rears back and swings at Magnus! But Magnus grabs the chair mid swing and wrestles it away from him! Wait a minute…from behind…it’s Brian Adams! Brian Adams nails Magnus in the back with the World title! HERE COMES ROB OSBOURNE!
TT: HERE COMES THE NITEMARE!
BC: GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE BRIAN! AHHH!
Brian Adams slides out of the ring to escape Nitemare. HERE COMES PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE! Pledge tackles the man in the black mask but Adams pulls him out and rescues him! Pledge pacing around the ring and Daniels crawls to the ropes…NItemare from the outside…HE NAILS DANIELS WITH THE NATIONAL TITLE! Pledge pulls Magnus on top of Daniels…Nitemare throws the ref in the ring and he makes the cover!
*DING DING DING!*
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner…MAGNUS THUNDER!
TT: Magnus gets the victory thanks to the Osbournes and my God here comes Jeff Jericho!
Jericho and Paul Blair storm to the ring and they, Adams, and the man in the black mask all corner Pledge. Pledge slides out under the bottom rope and Bob Osbourne and Bryan Joseph Osbourne have come out to join them. Bob wants to get in the ring but Nitemare calls them all off and they head to the top of the aisle! The man in the black mask retreats through the crowd.
TT: Good Lord what the hell can happen next?! This is a bloody war between these two factions and at Summer Smash hell is going to break loose! Nitemare will defend the National Title against Daniels…Magnus takes on Adams for the World title, Pledge is the referee, mystery men in the corner of each combatant…Bob Osbourne takes on Paul Blair…Lunatic and Sickboy…good God what a night it will be and what the hell is this now?!
BC: Magnus is making his way up the ramp... TT: Daniels, Jericho, Adams, and Blair are all in the ring. Jericho and Adams are making sure Daniels is ok while Blair taunts Magnus to come back to the ring.
BC: Blair's an idiot. Why would Magnus be as stupid as Blair and come back to the ring when the odds are not in his favor?
TT: Can you believe this night Bobby Crane?
BC: No. No I can't. This has been one of the most insane weeks we have ever had here on this show Teddy.
TT: These two squads keep raising the bar each and every week. First we had the debacle last week with the golden showers for the Osbournes and now this week we have the "special reserve brownies" from Drastic and the Osbournes. How far will these two sides go?
Pledge Allegiance, Bryan Osbourne, and Rob and Bob Osbourne step out onto the stage at the top of the ramp. Magnus keeps to one side, but remaining present to see what happens. A stage tech hands Bob a mic.
BOB: Ladies and gentlemen, if I could please have your attention. As you all know tomorrow is Father's Day.
Rob smiles from ear to ear as his son pats him on the back.
BOB: I mean, seriously....what do you get for a guy who has everything? How about a dish best served cold?
NRO: Ice cream?
BOB: Hardly. I tell you what pops...pull this lever right here...
Nitemare grabs a chain hanging near the ramp. As he does a very loud "creak" is heard throughout the arena. Every person in the arena looks up just in time to see a 50 gallon drum labeled "Rejected Spermatazoa" topples over on a rigging device in the rafters. A massive flood of opaque liquid splashes over the members of Shock Value, the entire ring, and the first row or two of fans. The members of Shock Value become infuriated. Bob hands Rob the mic.....
NRO: Wait, wait, wait. Before you boys go getting all jacked off on how we got you back, me and my boy aren't as stupid as you ass clowns. See, we realize the ramifications that would be if we indeed dumped 50 gallons of man sauce on you. No folks, we wouldn't waste perfectly good spunk for the likes of these dickheads. You see, Shock Value is just that. No substance. They have dirty little filthy minds. So my baby boy Bobby here has done you a favor. He's cleaned up your acts. That's hand sanitizer. So, in effect, we have done the entire CWF a favor and sterilized Shock Value. Oh and boys, don't blink. If that goo drips into your eyes, its gonna sting something fierce....at least that's what Jennifer Adams says happens every time it drips in her eyes. Oh…and by the way…those human poo cookies you twat goblins ate earlier tonight…just Mrs. Osbourne’s famous double fudge brownies. Did you think it was something else?
Pledge, Magnus, and the Osbournes laugh ferociously. Suddenly "Elevation" By U2 roars through the arena as Mark Xamin comes out to the stage with a microphone in hand. He shoves his way through the crowd at the top of the ramp. He steps out in front of Bob, Pledge and Magnus and is nearly nose to nose with The Nitemare.
Mark Xamin: THAT'S ENOUGH! I will NOT tolerate this penny ante high school bullshit ANYMORE! [Facing the ring] You guys got your digs in last week… [turns back to Osbourne and bounces his index finger off of the National Champions chest] and YOU got your revenge. This kind of sophomoric shit stops NOW! We are all over 18 right?
Bob shakes his head no.
Mark Xamin: Well, almost all of you. On your contracts it says Professional Wrestler and Sports Entertainer. PROFESSIONAL! Act like it. I am serving notice right here, right now to the entire CWF locker room; the next time anyone's bodily fluids, implied or otherwise, are put into use - it will result in immediate suspension up to and including termination. And if you think I'm bluffing.....if you for one second I won't do it...TRY ME!
TT: The boss has laid down the law and we are out of time folks! Good lord, can you imagine what Summer Smash will be like?!
BC: Aloha, Hawaii! Get ready!
TT: We’ll see you next week from Honolulu! Thanks for joining us…good night everyone!
The camera zooms in on the sludge covered Shock Value.
Fade to black.