The tension finally reached its boiling point as The Horsemen drew the ire of an alliance of CWF wrestlers. A full scale brawl erupted at the end of the night, until Magnus Thunder arrived on the scene and dominated everybody in sight.
Mariano Fernandez battled to a time limit draw with Magnus Thunder in an incredible feat. Mariano also managed to steal Stormbringer in an effort to save the locker room from certain destruction at the hands of the Nordic giant.
Tonight…Mariano Fernandez takes on “The Radiant One” Roland Ulv of the Horsemen. Pledge Allegiance and Trixie Lee team up to take on James Baker and Danielle Lopez in a mixed tag team match. Magnus Thunder goes one on one with Chemical X. And Paul Blair returns to the ring, battling new comer Glitch.
All of that and much more. This is…
Fade in to a sold out Kohl Center in Madison, Wisconsin. A raucous crowd of 18,000 screaming fans is electrified as fireworks explode at the stage and shoot down the aisle, where more fireworks explode above the ring. The usual Showdown set up.
Standing at ringside are Teddy Turnbuckle and “Beautiful” Bobby Crane.
TT: Welcome everyone to Madison, Wisconsin! Welcome to the sold out Kohl Center! And yes indeed, welcome to the CWF’s Saturday Night Showdown! Good evening everyone, I’m Teddy Turnbuckle and with me, as always, is “Beautiful” Bobby Crane! And what a show we’ve got tonight…fresh off the heels of one of the most explosive nights in Showdown history, tonight we will see Mariano Fernandez battle “The Radiant One” Roland Ulv in another big test for the youngster…
BC: Last week Mariano Fernandez survived the full arsenal of Magnus Thunder…but tonight, he’s in the ring against wrestling excellence in Roland Ulv, and once again, Mariano’s got his work cut out for him.
TT: Also tonight the return of Paul Blair to the ring, and we’re on his home turf here in Wisconsin!
BC: This place isn’t good enough for the Ruler, Teddy…ever since I got off the plane last night all I’ve been able to smell is the powerful scent of cheese and beer farts.
TT: Would you stop? Also right here tonight, Pledge Allegiance teams up with Trixie Lee to take on James Baker and Danielle Lopez in a mixed tag team match…that one is sure to be interesting!
BC: Those two ladies wanted to tear each other’s heads off last week, especially after Danielle Lopez got the win over Trixie when Trixie’s foot was under the bottom ropes. But Pledge and Baker are just caught in the middle of this cat fight…I don’t think there’s any ill will between the two of them, they’re just standing by their women like the whipped cowards they are…come on men, control your women!
TT: Control your women? Do you listen to yourself?
BC: Of course, I love the sound of my own voice!
TT: Well…anyway. How about Magnus Thunder taking on Chemical X?
BC: Now that’s gonna be awesome. Magnus has gone all evil, and Chemical X has been playing that game for his whole career…let’s see how Magnus can stack up against someone like that.
TT: But the question is, will Magnus be distracted without Stormbringer in his grasp? Mariano Fernandez still has that war hammer in his possession and Magnus is none too pleased about it.
BC: Well Stormbringer is bigger than Mariano is…I’m sure Magnus should be able to chase him down tonight.
TT: All that and a whole lot more folks, including Sickboy and Terry Richards teaming up to take on Axel Way and Angelus…
BC: Yeah that should be quick and easy.
TT: And remember, you can’t say a bad thing about Terry Richards after losing that bet last week…
BC: Oh shut up, Teddy.
TT: Alright fans, I understand Mark Xamin is going to come out to the ring here…this must be important, he usually does his talking from his backstage office…
“Overdrive” by Foo Fighters hits and Mark Xamin steps out from behind the curtain to a sizeable pop. Dressed in a white dress shirt, red tie, and black dress pants, Xamin holds a briefcase in his hands and walks to the ring, acknowledging fans along the way. He walks up the ringsteps, climbs through the ropes, and takes a mic.
BC: What’s in that briefcase?
TT: We may be about to find out.
Mark Xamin: Ladies and gentlemen…last week, we saw a war erupt. Our beautiful Showdown set was destroyed, our fans were put in harm’s way, Trixie Lee is sent out into the water tied up in a damn row boat, and as the owner of the CWF, I was embarrassed. I apologize to the employees at McDonalds in the Igloo back in Pittsburgh. I apologize to the fans who were put in danger as Pledge Allegiance and Rob Osbourne brawled through the crowd. As the owner of this great company, I have to take action. So, here’s how it’s gonna be…
At Night of Champions III: The Halloween Extreme on Halloween night…Pledge Allegiance, you are gonna defend that CWF World Heavyweight Championship inside HELL IN A CELL, as I mentioned at Fall Fever. But that’s not the hard part, Pledge…no, the hard part is your opponent. That would be the former CWF World Heavyweight Champion…the 7’5” behemoth, MAGNUS THUNDER!
TT: My God! Pledge Allegiance is going to be locked in a cell with Magnus Thunder! There’s not gonna be anywhere to run or hide, this plays right into Magnus Thunder’s hands!
Mark Xamin: And in fact, right here next week on Showdown, Pledge Allegiance and Magnus Thunder will be in this ring to sign the contract…
Xamin pulls open his briefcase and holds the contract up.
Mark Xamin: But I gets better. Rob Osbourne…you’ve got yourself into quite a little predicament, haven’t you? You didn’t get the job done at Fall Fever, you lost the title to your blood nemesis, your half brother, your most storied rival…and you did it under the agreement that there would be no rematch. See, I know it’s therefore in your best interest for Pledge to lose the title so you can have another crack at the World title…that’s why I’m putting Pledge in Magnus in Hell in a Cell, so there can be no outside interference. But you? Well, you’ve got another problem. Last week, Magnus Thunder, the most powerful man in the CWF, couldn’t put Mariano Fernandez away. Well, on Halloween night, let’s see if you can…because you will be taking on Mariano Fernandez in a Last Man Standing match!
The crowd roars!
BC: Oh my God! If Magnus can’t even keep Mariano down for three seconds, how can Nitemare keep him down for 10?!
Mark Xamin: Oh I’m just getting started. Last week, Roland Ulv made a challenge to Paul Blair…
The Wisconsin crowd roars at the mention of their hometown boy.
Mark Xamin: Well later tonight, Paul Blair will be out here and if he accepts that challenge, at the Halloween Extreme it will be Paul Blair versus Roland Ulv in a two out of three falls match!
The crowd explodes.
TT: Halloween night is looking better and better! Unbelievable!
BC: Can you imagine the bragging we’d hear after Halloween when one of them beats the other twice in one night? Man! I can’t wait!
Mark Xamin: You didn’t think I was finished did you? Good. Because Sickboy and Chemical X…I watched the two of you destroy our set and cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars to fix it, and believe me, fines are being levied as we speak…but since I had to watch you destroy my set, I’m gonna watch you destroy each other on Halloween night…because Sickboy, you’ll be defending your National Championship against Chemical X in a Falls Count Anywhere match!
TT: My God! Has Xamin lost his damn mind?! Halloween night is going to be a war zone!
Mark Xamin: Wait, wait…I’m STILL not finished. Terry Richards! You attack my color commentator…you need your Horsemen buddies to help you beat James Baker…well on Halloween night, you’ll be defending that Unified Championship against James Baker one more time…only this time, it’ll be in a Ladder Match!
The crowd roars.
TT: Good Lord!
BC: I love it!
Mark Xamin: Happy Halloween!
Xamin drops the mic and “Overdrive” by Foo Fighters hits again. The crowd roars as Xamin heads to the back.
TT: What an absolutely explosive way to start the show! The Halloween Extreme is three weeks away and my God, I don’t think I can wait that long!
BC: Trick or treat, Teddy! Ha! What a night it’s gonna be!
TT: And we’ve got a huge show ahead of us tonight! What a great time to be a part of the CWF!
BC: You’ve got the Horsemen riding again, you’ve got Roland Ulv returning to wrestling, you’ve got Pledge Allegiance running around as champ, Magnus Thunder’s gone evil, three huge rising stars coming up, Sickboy and Chemical X trying to kill each other, women trying to claw each other’s eyes out, the show of a lifetime coming up on Halloween night, I mean…can it get any better?
TT: Well it’s about to…because up next, Paul Blair returns to the ring!
TT: Let’s get this show started!
Suddenly, the BlairVision theme starts up and the crowd goes nuts. The camera pans across the entire arena and everyone is standing on their feet.
TT: And here he comes, and this Wisconsin crowd is giving Paul Blair a warm welcome home!
BC: Maybe these morons do have more than cheese for brains…
It takes a few seconds but Paul Blair comes out to the stage. He looks across the place and seems speechless that this many people are cheering him. It's been a while. Blair goes up the aisle, high fiving people in the stands as he makes his way to the ring. After looking around and high fiving those in the front row at ringside, he grabs a mic and walks into the center of the ring. He begins to speak.
Blair: Good evening...
Blair pauses and the place explodes again. Blair starts to speak again but the place is so loud that he can't be heard. He does this one more time and finally decides to just wait until the crowd calms down. After a few more seconds he is able to speak finally to the crowd.
Blair: It is good to be here in Wisconsin! Home of the World's greatest wrestling fans!
Crowd goes nuts again.
TT: They love him here…I’ve never heard such a warm reception for Blair…
BC: Ok, so maybe I have a new respect for these idiots.
Blair: So I'm sure you all have been watching what's going on in the CWF lately. Did you all see when Rob Osbourne doubted my word? I warned him that I would change the landscape of the CWF main event forever. What happened? Yep, I brought in Jimmy Blast. Moments later, Rob Osbourne is an ex-champ and some people would like to blame Jimmy Blast for that. Some people would even like to blame me. I know, can you believe that? Paul Blair never even stepped foot into that ring. I never put one finger on that chump.
Crowd is now chanting Paul Blair!! Paul Blair!!
Blair: You see Osbourne, try as you might, you can never blame me. I didn't do anything that I didn't say I was going to do. I said everything would be changed when I revealed my mystery guest and what happened? Everything is now changed. I said that you would lose your world title and what happened? Last I looked you lost your world title. If anything you should blame yourself for not listening to the Ruler.
Blair grins at the crowd as he pauses.
Blair: But that's not where this story ends. You see that all happened two weeks ago, but last week is where the real fun started. Rob Osbourne was still crying and whining about how he was going to beat me up for him losing the title, when suddenly his pal Roland Ulv decided to be a hero. First off anyone who is a member of the "Whore's Men" doesn't scare me. But you? You have butchered the English language more than anyone I have ever heard. So I want to get this straight. You are challenging Paul Blair to a match at Halloween Extreme? Do you know what that means? That means that you will go one on one with the Ruler...the Personification of Greatness...the Measuring Stick...the 18 time World Champion. 2 times it's been the CWF World Champion, including the longest World Title reign in the history of the CWF.
Crowd continues chanting Paul Blair Rules!! Paul Blair Rules!!
Blair: Tell me something there Roland. How many times have you held the CWF World Title? Oh that's right, zero. When did you get inducted into the CWF Hall of Fame? Oh that's right, you haven't. So do you really think I'm going to worry about some piss ant like you?
Blair paces the ring for a few seconds and then continues.
Blair: At Halloween Extreme you want to challenge me? You want to face me in the middle of this ring...this ring where I prove week in and week out that I am the very best this world has ever seen. Let me say this to you nice and slow so even your dumb, non English speaking ass can hear it. Yes I accept your challenge. You best know one thing though, after Halloween Extreme, Paul Blair will still be the Ruler and your buddies will be looking for a new member of their "Whore's Men" group to take your place. Now Madison, Wisconsin...make some noise for the hometown Ruler!
Crowd goes nuts again as Blair drops the mic and soaks in the crowd's reaction to him.
TT: And there you have it! It’ll be Paul Blair taking on Roland Ulv on Halloween night, Night of Champions 3, in a two out of three falls match! The challenge has been accepted!
BC: Oh man, I can hardly wait! Well, Blair is already in the ring so let's get this new fella Glitch out here and get this over with already.
TT: It does seem odd having the fans cheering for Blair instead of against him doesn't it Bobby?
BC: You don't know the half of it. It's like being in a different dimension. I totally expect to see Mariano on the evening news having been arrested on rape allegations. This is ridiculous.
The fans continue the unprecedented ovation for "The Ruler" as Glitch's theme music begins. The uproar from the crowd however, drowns out the entrance of Glitch. As the rookie makes his way to the ring the fans begins pelting him with beer cups and hotdogs.
TT: Not a very warm welcome for the newest addition to the CWF locker room.
BC: His friggin’ name is Glitch. What do you expect them to do?
TT: Point taken. Blair and Glitch meet nose to nose in the center of the ring. The elder statesman of the CWF extends a hand to Glitch as the ref calls for the opening bell. Glitch reaches out.
BC: Idiot. Didn't you ready Wrestling 101? NEVER reach out to take Blair's hand. Imbecile.
TT: And Blair makes the rookie pay with a clothesline that nearly decapitates the newcomer. Blair kicking the tar out of Glitch who is face down on the mat trying to cover up his face and midsection. Blair's pounding on Glitch like his name was Osbourne!
TT: Blair pulls Glitch up to his feet and sends him into the ropes, Blair off the opposite side, spinning elbow by the Falls River native!
BC: People from Wisconsin are only good at two things. Making beer and making cheese. That's IT! But Blair is bucking the trend!
TT: Well the man is, love him or hate him, a bona fide legend in this sport. He's taken YOU to task on more than one occasion.
BC: And Glitch, finally gets some offense going with a low blow to Blair. Whodathunk that would have hurt Blair? I mean, the ladies all say he’s made of steel down there.
TT: Will you stop it?
BC: No. Never.
TT: Blair gets right back to his feet though and Glitch's attempt to fell the bigger man have not panned out.
BC: You can’t keep a good man down!
TT: You’re ridiculous. Blair, visibly angry at the low blow by Glitch grabs the rookie and nails a beautiful piledriver and Glitch crumples in a heap.
BC: The Ruler now with a handful of Glitch's hair now pulling the battered rookie to his knees. Blair sprints off of the far side of the ropes..BLAIRKICK!!!
TT: This should be all she wrote...cover by The Ruler..1..2..3!!
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner, "The Ruler" Paul Blair!
As the BlairVision Theme hits “The Radiant One” Roland Ulv sprints from the back in his blue trunks with a yellow cross and blue robe flowing in the breeze under his blonde mane. He hits the ring, sliding in on his stomach, spins Blair around and hits the Radiantplex!
BC: What the hell is that crazy SOB doing?
TT: Covering Paul Blair, it appears.....Ulv slaps the mat slowly with a 1,2,3…then he stands, pulls Blair up and nails another Radiantplex! Another cover by Ulv. 1,2,3.and then the Radiant One stands, looking down at Paul Blair in disgust.
BC: Well, with the news of their match at Night of Champions 3 being a 2 out of 3 falls, I'd say the Radiant One just sent Paul Blair a message on how easily he will defeat him on Halloween night.
TT: That will be easier said than done, but you can bet that match will be a barn burner! Alright fans, time for our first commercial break…we’ll be right back with more CWF Saturday Night Showdown…don’t go anywhere!
TT: Welcome back fans and up next we have a tag team matchup as Angelus and Axel Way team up to take on two Horsemen, the CWF National Champion and the CWF Unified Champion respectively, Sickboy and Terry Richards.
BC: Yeah and Axel Way was once considered a big up and comer here…but the past three weeks he has looked like he belongs in some minor league basement of a church wrestling promotion, not the CWF. And Angelus…well Angelus has made Kyle Sync look like Triple X since he arrived…I don’t expect this to last long.
TT: Angelus and Axel Way are in the ring awaiting their opponents…let’s head to the ring.
Cut to the ring.
Ring Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, already in the ring, at a total combined weight of 579 pounds…the team of ANGELUS and AXEL WAY!
No reaction from the crowd.
Ring Announcer: And their opponents…first, from New York, New York…weighing in at 270 pounds…the CWF National Champion, SICKBOY!
“Angry Chair” by Alice in Chains hits and Sickboy emerges from behind the curtain. He holds up the CWF National title belt for the crowd, who begins pelting him with garbage. He walks down the aisle, smirking at his opponents in the ring, and climbs through the ropes.
Ring Announcer: And his tag team partner….
"Drop the Bombshell" by Powerman 5000 plays as Terry Richards enters the arena to a chorus of boos. He's wearing a full black tuxedo suit, and carrying a big, black briefcase. The Unified Title shines on his waist.
TT: What in the damn world?!
Ring Announcer: …from Chicago, Illinois, although with shame, weighing in at 187 pounds... He is the current CWF Unified Champion..."The Windy City Madman"... TERRY RICHARDS!
TT: What the hell? He's not in his wrestling attire! He isn't going to wrestle tonight?
BC: But the guy has a match tonight! I'm confused!
TT: Bobby, you're awfully strange.
TT: I was expecting you'd yell that Terry Richards is an asshole or something like that.
BC: I take back everything. I lost my bet.
TT: Oh, came on, Bobby! That was just cheating!
BC: I lost my bet, and that's it.
TT: Don't tell me you're afraid of the Horsemen now!
Terry enters the ring and shows the briefcase to Angelus.
BC: What the hell is happening here?
TT: Is this some sort of agreement between the Horsemen and Angelus?
Terry opens the briefcase to reveal a large sum of money.
TT: HE'S GIVING MONEY TO ANGELUS?!
Terry Richards: To the canvas, Angelus. To the canvas.
TT: I don't believe my eyes... Angelus is laying down?
BC: Ha! He's too lazy to fight!
TT: And Axel coming straight at Richards...
Axel Way: No! You're not getting an easy win like this, Richards!
TT: Here comes Sickboy! CLOTHESLINE! Over the top rope!
BC: And Terry goes for the pin on Angelus, unbelievable...
TT: Give me a break! These guys are just mocking the crowd!
Ring Announcer: Here are your winners... THE HORSEMEN!
TT: And the Horsemen continue to run rampant here in the CWF!
BC: And look at that...Terry is handing the briefcase to Angelus!
TT: Angelus sold out! Angelus sold out!
BC: And Terry and Sickboy are raising Angelus' hand! Does this mean...oh, no, not again...
TT: Angelus has joined The Hors...
As Teddy is finishing his sentence, Terry kicks Angelus in the gut, grabs his waist...
TT: SHOCK TURN! SHOCK TURN!
BC: Angelus gets the money...And a headache in the morning! All thanks to the magnificent Terry Richards!
TT: Seriously, Bobby, that doesn't sound like you. That's...creepy.
BC: What? Terry IS magnificent! The future is here!
TT: I really think you need to take a rest...
Suddenly, the lights go out and the arena is shrouded in darkness.
TT: What the hell is this now?
BC: I don’t know, Teddy…but I’m afraid of what’s gonna be in the ring when the lights come back on…
The lights restore. Standing in the ring is “The Radiant One” Roland Ulv, looking confused, spinning around and squinting his eyes.
BC: Ha! It’s the Radiant One! The CWF’s beacon of light!
TT: Yeah well…ok, but he seems to be rather confused.
Roland Ulv holds out his arms.
RRU: Where did they go, fur sure?
Roland quickly hops through the ropes and out of the ring, and speed walks up the aisle and behind the curtain.
TT: I don’t know what on earth that was all about but it appears he was looking for Terry Richards and Sickboy…but they’ve both vanished…where did they go? The lights went out, they came back on, and Richards and Sickboy have gone missing…
BC: I’m lost, Teddy…but these are the Horsemen, they’ve always got something up their sleeve.
TT: Well that may be true but there’s been something of an alliance forming to combat the Horsemen and is it possible that perhaps Chemical X had something to do with this? What about the CWF World Heavyweight Champion, Pledge Allegiance? What about James Baker? Or Mariano Fernandez? Or hell, Magnus Thunder?
BC: Well whoever was behind it sure had Roland confused…
TT: Indeed, and I understand a camera crew is following Roland backstage…let’s head back there now!
Cut backstage.We see a distressed Roland Ulv sprinting towards his dressing room, when the camera team locates him.
Dennis Donnelly: Hey Radiant One! A quick word about what just happened.
RRU: I duunt know fur sure! One second Richards and Sickboy are theer next thei are goon fur sure!
Dennis Donnelly: Where did they go?!
RRU: Kidnapped fur sure! I don't know who... Pledgie? The Fjord Monkiie? Chemicalo Why? Who? When? I have tuu make a new game plan fur sure! My match against Mariano is coming up and this forces mii tu a nuu plan fur sure! I haven't got time. From now on the Horsemen will take out every opponent they miit once and for all fur sure! Once and for all fur sure!
The Radiant One sprints into his dressing room and slams the door behind him.
Dennis Donnelly: Well the Radiant One doesn't seem to know what happened! But he looks unnerved I can tell you that. Back to you guys...
Cut back to ringside.
TT: Some strange things are going on here tonight and we’re not even half way through! Well up next folks, it’s Magnus Thunder taking on Chemical X…
BC: Chemical X who is now in possession of Stormbringer.
BC: That’s right, don’t you watch the promo network, Teddy? Chemical X talked Mariano Fernandez into giving him the war hammer earlier this week for…oh let’s just call it safe keeping.
TT: Well I don’t know what on earth Chemical X is planning on doing with Stormbringer but I’ll tell you what, we’re about to find out because that match is coming up right after this commercial break! Don’t go anywhere fans!
TT: Welcome back to CWF Saturday Night Showdown fans, brought to you by Mywrestlingforum.com and Spider Site Builder, the world’s easiest and most powerful website builder. What a night we’ve had so far, and believe it or not, we’re just now getting to the three big matches of the evening. In our main event, Mariano Fernandez will take on the man who has been dubbed as the muscle of the Horsemen, “The Radiant One” Roland Ulv….also, in a mixed tag team matchup, Pledge Allegiance and Trixie Lee will battle James Baker and Danielle Lopez…but up next folks, get ready, because this one is pay-per-view quality. This has turned into a heated situation as Magnus Thunder takes on Chemical X. And as mentioned earlier…Chemical X has taken possession of Magnus Thunder’s signature war hammer, Stormbringer.
BC: Heated? Heated?! This one is surrounded by molten friggin’ lava, Teddy. This one is gonna be scorching hot and I’ll tell you what, both these guys had better be on their toes because both of these guys are capable of almost anything right now. Chemical X is renowned for his over the top antics…Magnus Thunder has embraced his darker side and he’s been a freaking beast ever since. Finally, after 12 years, Magnus Thunder is becoming the monster he’s been capable of…and you know who’s gonna be watching this one intently…
TT: Pledge Allegiance.
BC: You bet your ass Pledge Allegiance. I mean he is going to be locked inside Hell in a Cell with this man. He might not have all of his limbs still attached to him if Magnus shows the kind of mean streak he’s been showing lately.
TT: Sickboy’s also gotta have a close eye on this one. He will defend the CWF National Championship against Chemical X on Halloween night…this blood feud has gone on for the entire decade, rivaling the storied feuds of Maniac vs Jimmy Blast, Maniac vs “The Nitemare” Rob Osbourne, and the one we all witnessed explode at Fall Fever, “The Nitemare” Rob Osbourne vs Pledge Allegiance.
BC: Yeah but where is Sickboy? He’s gone missing with Terry Richards! He might not make it to Night of Champions 3!
TT: A very good point and you have to wonder if Chemical X is behind it, but nonetheless folks…we’re almost ready to get started with this enormous matchup…but first, here’s a look at a new tag team that’s on its way to the CWF.
BC: A tag team?
TT: You bet, the CWF has been scouring the globe for the world’s finest tag teams, and we found these guys over in Japan. They’re “Mighty Fine” Darryl Devine and “The Amazing” Jacob Jett…High Concept!
BC: High Concept?
We fade out of the arena. “High Concept” appears on your screen in red handwritten letters on a black screen. Classical musical plays in the background.
As the splash screen fades away, we find ourselves in a high class dining hall of some sort. Thick red carpeting covers the floor, crystal chandeliers sparkle from the ceiling, and an enormous hearth with a crackling fire dominates the back wall. A who’s who of wealthy CEOs and executives have the room buzzing with conversation.
Sitting in the back corner, with the fire glowing a red and orange flickering light on their faces are two men. Both wear tuxedos. The one on the left has shoulder length blonde hair, a slight five o’clock shadow, and bright blue eyes. The placeholder reads “Darryl Devine.” Next to him, his cheek rested on his palm, his elbow planted into the table, and playing with his food is a man identified as “Jacob Jett” by the placeholder in front of him. He sports a buzz cut, his short black hair only casting a slight shadow around his head. He has a barely noticeable soul patch.
Darryl Devine: Stop playing with your food.
Jacob Jett: I’m bored, Darryl. I’m really bored. Why do you always drag me to these things?
Darryl Devine: Networking.
Jacob Jett: Networking. Right. Listen, I’m going home. You know I’m running a Madden franchise…I’ve got a big game tonight.
Darryl Devine: Forget that. Do you know who that is?
Darryl Devine looks across the room and nods his head slightly at a man with his back turned, having a white wine poured for him by a waiter.
Jacob Jett: (unimpressed) I don’t know, Darryl. Who is it? Donald Trump? Richard Branson? …Jon Gosselin?
Darryl Devine: What?
Jacob Jett: I don’t know. He’s everywhere.
Darryl Devine: No, that’s Mark Xamin.
Jacob Jett: (sitting up straight) Shut up.
Darryl Devine: Don’t you get it? This is our ticket out of Japan.
Jacob Jett: Oh, I like the sound of that. I’m tired of sushi, Darryl…real tired.
Darryl Devine: (nodding) Me too.
Jacob Jett: And I’m tired of not being able to read street names, I’m tired of living in a hotel, I’m tired of not getting any recognition…and most of all, I’m tired of all the video games and movies being in Japanese. I hate subtitles, Darryl. I really hate them.
Darryl Devine: Then shut up and let me do the talking.
Jacob Jett: Fine, but make it quick. I’m bored.
Darryl Devine: Yeah, you mentioned that.
Mark Xamin turns around. Darryl Devine makes eye contact with him and stands up, inviting him over. Xamin, slightly confused, walks over to them.
Mark Xamin: Have we met?
Darryl Devine: No sir, I don’t believe we have. I’m Darryl Devine, and this is my partner Jacob Jett.
Mark Xamin: Oh. (He thinks for a moment, and then his eyes bulge slightly) Ohhhhh…partner. Got it. Well, it’s been nice talking to…
Darryl Devine: NO! No…
Jacob Jett: Does he think we’re gay?
Darryl Devine: (shushing Jacob) My tag team partner.
Mark Xamin: Tag team, you say? Interesting. What brings you to a function like this?
Darryl Devine: Actually, sir…you do.
Mark Xamin: Oh?
Darryl Devine: We’ve been toiling over in Japan for the past two years, doing the tours, learning the business…
Jacob Jett: …eating the sushi…
Darryl Devine: …shut up. Anyway, we’re ready to come back to North America. We’re ready for the big time. And we both love the CWF.
Mark Xamin: Wait a minute…Darryl Devine, Jacob Jett…I’ve heard of you guys…you’re…you’re… (thinking)…
Jacob Jett: High Concept.
Mark Xamin: Right, High Concept. You know, we’ve got scouts out in Japan and they’ve told me about you guys. You sound impressive.
Darryl Devine: Thank you.
Jacob Jett: Yeah we’re awesome.
Darryl Devine: Shut up, Jacob.
Xamin sips his wine and thinks for a moment.
Mark Xamin: You know, we don’t have much of a tag team division in the CWF.
Darryl Devine: You’ve got to start somewhere, sir.
Mark Xamin: (scratching his chin) True.
Darryl beams as he senses the upcoming proposition. He looks over at Jacob Jett, who plays air Xbox and points to his watch. Darryl shoots him a dirty look and Jacob immediately stops and folds his hands on the table.
Mark Xamin: Alright, well…I’ll tell you what. I’m willing to give you gentlemen a chance. But fair warning, the talent pool in the tag team division is thin right now. We’re scouring the planet for new teams but you are the first.
Darryl Devine: The division will hit the ground running with us in the fold, I assure you.
Jacob Jett: (clearing his throat and trying to sound professional) So…let’s talk numbers.
Darryl Devine squeezes his eyes shut tightly, embarrassed. Xamin chuckles under his breath.
Mark Xamin: Numbers. Well I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but this will be a gentlemen’s agreement for now. I will pay you on a match by match basis. Consider yourselves freelancers. If you impress me in the ring…well, then we’ll talk about a contract.
Darryl Devine: Yes, sir…that sounds fair.
Jacob Jett: Aww man! Call of Duty comes out NEXT MONTH! I need cash in my hand!
Darryl Devine: (stepping in front of Jacob and blocking him from Xamin’s view) Thank you sir, we will see you next week.
Mark Xamin: (hesitantly shaking Darryl’s hand, looking confused about Jacob) Yeah. Next week.
Darryl Devine smiles and Xamin walks away, disappearing into a crowd of suits and tuxedos. Darryl turns and looks at Jacob.
Jacob Jett: (imitating John Madden) We’ve got a great game today, a battle of two powerful teams…but we seem to be missing Jacob. Where could he be? (He turns serious) Oh, that’s right…he’s at a stupid royal ball or something with his asshole friend, Darryl. Can we go home now?!
Darryl Devine: Let’s talk numbers? Call of Duty? Are you a complete idiot?
Jacob Jett: Hey, it’s Modern Warfare 2. Do you have ANY idea how awesome it’s gonna be?
Darryl Devine: I don’t care about your stupid video games! Now let’s go…we have to get ready for the CWF.
Jacob Jett: Hey! I told you I have a big game toni…
Darryl Devine: …forget your game! This is the big time. This is our opportunity to leave a legacy, to go up against the best in the world…to be on television every week, to make enough money for our children, our children’s children…our children’s children’s children!
Jacob Jett: I don’t want children…no woman is tying me down!
Darryl Devine: Women…. (a sly look crosses his face) This is your ticket to all the women you can imagine. If we’re CWF stars, women will be falling over themselves trying to get to us.
Jacob Jett: …intriguing. You’re sure about this?
Darryl Devine: Positive. Now let’s get to work.
Jacob Jett: Fine, but there better be women, Darryl…
Darryl shakes his head and walks briskly towards the exit. Jacob rushes to keep up with him. The classical music comes to the audio forefront once more, and “High Concept” flashes onto the screen in red handwriting.
Fade back into the arena.
TT: Well…they sound…interesting.
BC: I like ‘em!
TT: In any event folks…we are ready for our next matchup! Magnus Thunder taking on Chemical X…let’s head to the ring!
Cut to the ring.
Ring Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first…from Brooklyn, New York! Weighing in at 276 pounds…CHEMICAL X!
“Welcome Home” by Coheed and Cambria begins to blast through the arena. The fans pop to their feet.
TT: Well that’s something I thought I’d never hear, fans cheering for Chemical X.
BC: Well Chemical X is the underdog and people love an underdog, because they’re stupid.
Suddenly Chemical X rides out on top of a stunning all black horse. He is dressed in black pants, U.S. Cavalry Boots with silver spurs and black “UNTOUCHABLE” t-shirt, a yellow scarf and a black United States Cavalry stetson.
TT: X promised earlier in the week that he would return that he would return Stormbringer but I don’t see it.
Chemical X kicks the horse and it gallops down the entrance ramp. X stops the horse and dismounts just outside the ring. He climbs into the ring and waits for Magnus.
BC: Who comes to the ring on a horse? This isn’t the 80s, Teddy…
TT: Yeah my thinking is Chemical X is mocking Magnus Thunder with this whole war hammer thing.
BC: Oh. Well that makes more sense. Well with Chemical X in possession of Stormbringer, we can probably expect some crazy voodoo crap to go down.
TT: What do you know about voodoo?
BC: What? We were in a hotel room, but we didn't do anything.
TT: What are you talking about?
BC: What are you talking about?
TT: I was talking about Voodoo.
BC: Oh, I thought you were talking about Lulu.
Ring Announcer: And his opponent…from Jotunheim, Norway…weighing in at 500 pounds… MAGNUS THUNDER!
The crowd boos as "Haunted (Instrumental)" by Type O Negative hits and the thunder rolls in. Lightning strikes at the entrance way and Magnus Thunder towers out from behind the curtain, snorting and seething like an angry bull. He storms down the aisle, his eyes never leaving Chemical X. He steps onto the apron and over the top rope.
TT: I still can’t get over the change in this man…
BC: I still love it!
TT: And where in Stormbringer? Chemical X is supposed to have it but I don’t see it anywhere…
BC: I don’t know, but I think Magnus is more concerned about teaching Chemical X a lesson.
*DING DING DING!*
TT: Well here we go…a hotly anticipated matchup all week long, and wow…if looks could kill…
The camera zooms in on Magnus Thunder, the fury on his face more than obvious.
BC: How would you like to run into THAT in a dark alley?
TT: No thank you.
Magnus strides to the center of the ring…Chemical X circles him. X shoves him but Magnus doesn’t budge. X winds up to throw a right hand at him but Magnus catches his fist and holds on…X drops to one knee as the might of Magnus Thunder crushes his hand. Magnus rips him to his feet and whips him to the ropes…X ducks a clothesline…and comes back with a flying shoulder block! Magnus staggers back into the ropes….and bounces off and connects with the clothesline! Chemical X hits the mat with a vengeance and Magnus immediately pulls him up and heaves him into the corner. And he unloads on X with a barrage of rights and lefts! X being riddled with sledgehammer like fists and Magnus whips him to the opposite buckle…X hits it hard and staggers out on the rebound…Magnus charges in at him…AVALANCHE! And the full weight of the Nordic giant crushes Chemical X in the corner! X crumples to the mat and Magnus lets out a war cry. The crowd boos.
TT: God, what a dominant man he is…how on earth is Pledge Allegiance supposed to combat this?
BC: He can’t…plain and simple. Magnus shows up on Halloween night looking like he has the past few weeks…just give him the belt now. Hell in a Cell is going to be the longest night of Pledge’s career.
Magnus pulls X to his feet and shoves him hard into the corner. He rears back…and SMACKS Chemical X in the chest with an open palm! X’s chest glows bright red in the shape of Magnus Thunder’s massive hand.
BC: I could see the air coming out of Chemical X….both ends.
TT: Would you stop? Magnus Thunder doing what he does best, looming large and making the ring smaller than a phone booth for his opponent.
Magnus lifts him up and sits him on the top turnbuckle…X on dream street and Thunder meets him up top…Magnus lifts him up for a superplex!
TT: My God what a drop! The top rope plus seven feet, five inches!
Chemical X desperately twists and contorts in mid air…Magnus loses his grip and X lands on top of him! Magnus crashes hard to the mat and the ring shakes upon impact! X has a cover!
TT: X with a desperation move and he may have had a stroke of luck here!
BC: Did you see the ring shake?! I thought it was gonna collapse!
X forces himself to his feet and stomps Magnus furiously. Magnus fights through it and gets to his knees…X off the ropes…and a dropkick to the face! Magnus drops back down to his stomach on the mat. X aggressively targeting the big man’s knees now and he drives them into the canvas repeatedly! Magnus trying to twist him off but X is relentless…he locks Magnus up in a half Boston crab and pounds at his knee while the hold is locked on.
BC: Chemical X is in pure survival mode here!
TT: He’s got to get his licks in while he can because Magnus Thunder is just overwhelming….
Chemical X rearing back with all he’s got, ripping and tearing at Magnus Thunder’s knee. Magnus dragging himself towards the ropes, inch by inch, and X trying to snap the knee in half! Magnus reaches the ropes! The ref calling to break the hold but X won’t let go! X ripping and tearing like a mad man and the ref counting, 1, 2, 3, 4…and X lets go on the four count. X wastes no time and stays on him…stomping the leg furiously…Magnus fights through it and pulls himself up using the ropes…and shoves Chemical X away with authority! X falls to the mat but gets right back up…and charges at him! Magnus grabs him by the throat!
TT: Magnus caught him!
Magnus squeezes his hand around X’s throat, X’s eyes popping out of his head, gasping for air. Magnus pulls him in and goes nose to nose with him, his furious eyes staring into Chemical X’s very soul. X with a look of panic on his face and Magnus lifts him, up high into the air! He holds him…and holds him…and holds him up! X weakly kicking his legs trying to break free…and Magnus SLAMS him to the mat with a choke slam!
TT: My God almighty! Chemical X’s head just bounced off the mat like a damn basketball and Magnus Thunder is a 7’5”, 500 pound weapon of mass destruction!
BC: And again I say…Pledge is going to be locked inside a CELL with this guy!
Magnus Thunder reaches down and grabs Chemical X by the throat once more and lifts him to his feet. He throws him into the corner, his hand still firmly around the throat of X. Magnus stares into his eyes with wrath.
Magnus Thunder: Where is it? WHERE IS IT?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH IT?!
TT: He must be talking about Stormbringer and with his hand around X’s throat like that I don’t think he could answer him if he wanted to!
BC: This is just friggin’ scary, Teddy. I mean it’s like a demon has been living inside of his all these years just festering, and now he’s exploding out of Magnus Thunder…he is just flat out friggin’ scary.
Magnus continues to scream at him, and then pulls him to the center of the ring…he tucks X’s head between his legs and sets him up for a Thunderstorm! But as he does, the big screen flickers to life and Matthew Scarletti’s sinister voice booms through the arena.
Matthew Scarletti: Ohh Magggnnuuusss. MAAAGGGGNNNUUUSSS!
Suddenly Matthew Scarletti shows up on the big screen holding Stormbringer. Magnus Thunder turns all his attention to the screen and Chemical X rolls out of the ring.
Matthew Scarletti: Hey Magnus, look what I have!
The camera zooms out to show Matthew Scarletti standing next to a wood chipper. Matthew hits the switch and it powers up. SuddenlyChemical X rushes back into the ring with Stormbringer. He quickly pushes the ref out of the ring.
TT: What the hell?
BC: Turn around, Magnus!
Chemical X cocks back with Stormbringer. He swings and clubs Magnus in the back with it!
TT: GOOD GOD! GOOD GOD! CHEMICAL X JUST CLUBBED HIM IN THE BACK WITH STORMBRINGER!
Suddenly the ref jumps in the ring and calls for the bell. Chemical X drops Stormbringer as Magnus slowly falls to the ground.
*DING DING DING*
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner, as a result of a disqualification…MAGNUS THUNDER!
TT: Magnus Thunder wins the match but my God, at what price? Chemical X blasted him in the back with Stormbringer and…OH MY GOD!
Magnus Thunder sits up and flings his hair back, looking furiously up the aisle at the retreating Chemical X.
TT: How in the hell is that man human? Tell me how! He just got nailed from behind with a giant freakin’ war hammer and he sits back up like it was nothing!
BC: And again I say…Pledge is gonna be in a CELL with this guy! Well, he got Stormbringer back, guess he got what he came for…
TT: Yeah well, Chemical X must have seen his life flash before his eyes…Magnus could have crushed his larynx or something with that choke slam…no question as all, Chemical X was dead to rites before Matthew Scarletti appeared on the screen and we all thought he was gonna put Stormbringer in the wood chipper, but Chemical X had it hidden under the ring all along and can you believe this…Magnus Thunder is a damn one man army and he has declared war on the CWF!
BC: I pity anyone standing in that man’s way…what a beast. I mean I don’t even know what else to say…just what a beast.
TT: Well fans, we will be back after this commercial break…don’t go anywhere!
TT: Alright welcome back fans, we are live here in Madison, Wisconsin and up next we have a very interesting matchup…Pledge Allegiance teaming with Trixie Lee to take on James Baker and Danielle Lopez.
BC: Yeah and I mean…this can go either way. Danielle Lopez can outclass Trixie in the ring, as she proved last week…but can James Baker hang with the World champ? I don’t know, I have to go with Pledge in that fight…so it’s gonna come down to timing.
TT: Wow…did you actually just offer some constructive insight?
BC: Every now and then you’ll get a pearl of wisdom, Teddy…it’s why they pay me the big bucks.
TT: Yeah, right. Anyway folks, let’s head to the ring!
Cut to the ring.
Ring Announcer: The following mixed tag team match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, at a total combined weight of 349 pounds…the team of DANIELLE LOPEZ and “DA EXTREME GANGSTA” JAMES BAKER!
“Hail Mary” by 2Pac hits and James Baker and Danielle Lopez walk out together. The crowd pops huge for them as they emerge from behind the curtain. They slap hands with fans on the way down the aisle, and then slide under the bottom rope into the ring.
Ring Announcer: And their opponents! At a total combined weight of 405 pounds…the team of TRIXIE LEE and the CWF World Heavyweight Champion, PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE!
The crowd roars as “Iron Man” by Black Sabbath hits and red, white, and blue fireworks explode at the entrance way. Trixie Lee steps out from behind the curtain and waves to the crowd, and then points to the curtain. Pledge Allegiance steps out, CWF World Heavyweight Championship belt fastened around his waist. He raises his arms and the crowd pops huge. He and Trixie walk down the aisle and climb into the ring.
TT: Well here we go, not something we see very often at all, a mixed tag team matchup.
BC: Ok so I don’t get these rules…explain.
TT: Real simple. It has to be male versus male or female versus female. So if Trixie Lee makes a tag and Pledge Allegiance becomes the legal man…James Baker automatically becomes the legal man as well.
BC: Oh. Well...that kind of sucks. I wanted to see what Trixie could do against James Baker.
TT: Give me a break. You have to wonder what kind of condition Trixie Lee is in after taking that Badd Dream on the concrete floor last week, but she looks to be in good shape and we are ready to get this thing started!
*DING DING DING!*
Trixie and Danielle start out, and Trixie immediately charges at Danielle, throwing right hands. Danielle is backed into the ropes and Trixie whips her to the opposite side…Danielle ducks a clothesline…and comes back with a clothesline of her own! Danielle now in control and pulls Trixie up by her hair…and a forearm shot to the chops sends Trixie staggering back into a neutral corner. Danielle mounts the second turnbuckle and rains down on Trixie with right hands as the crowd counts along! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! Trixie stumbles out of the corner and Danielle from behind…bulldog! Danielle with a cover!
TT: Keep in mind folks, Danielle Lopez is a trained wrestler…Trixie Lee has been by Pledge’s side for years but is still learning the ropes.
BC: Yeah and Danielle is teaching them to her!
Danielle yanks Trixie to her feet…bodyslam! Danielle to the second turnbuckle…elbow drop! No! Trixie moves…she crawls over to Pledge…and makes the tag! Pledge in now and James Baker automatically becomes the legal man! Baker and Pledge now exchanging blows as Trixie and Danielle exit the ring. Pledge with the upper hand and he whips Baker to the ropes…hip toss! Baker to his feet and Pledge immediately drops him with a clothesline! Baker back up and Pledge a house of fire! He whips Baker to the ropes…spinebuster! And a cover!
TT: And the tables have turned here as the CWF World Heavyweight Champion is teaching the up and coming James Baker a wrestling lesson!
BC: Pledge better enjoy it while you can call him that, because need I remind you on Halloween night…he’ll be in a CELL with Magnus friggin’ Thunder!
TT: Yes you’ve been….kind enough to remind us of that every other sentence tonight.
BC: I’m just saying. A CELL!
Pledge pulls Baker up…but Baker hits him with an elbow to the midsection! Pledge hunches over and Baker with a big knee to the side of the head and Pledge goes down! Baker now grabs Pledge by the legs…he drops back…and SLINGSHOTS Pledge into the corner buckle…Pledge bounces back out and Baker with a powerslam! James Baker now getting fired up and he pulls Pledge up and whips him to the ropes…Pledge catches Baker with his head down and nails him with a swinging neck breaker! The crowd roaring for the World Champ and Trixie is begging for the tag! Pledge tags her out and in comes Danielle as well!
TT: Here we go, and this is what this match is truly about, these two ladies settling their differences.
Trixie with a Lou Thesz press on Danielle! And she unloads on her with lefts and rights…both women rolling around the ring exchanging blows and it’s Trixie who comes out on top! Trixie pulls Lopez up by the hair and has her up…suplex! And a beauty! Danielle arching her back in pain…
TT: Looks like Trixie has been spending some time in the gym with Pledge! That was a perfectly executed suplex!
BC: Yeah but I think Danielle’s ass broke her fall.
TT: Would you stop?
Trixie pulls Lopez up and whips her to the corner…and runs in at her…monkey flip! And Lopez crashes to the mat! Trixie goes for a cover…Danielle out of nowhere with a SMALL PACKAGE!
TT: Trixie kicked out! And wow, Danielle Lopez was an eyelash away from a victory for her and Baker, she caught Trixie and everyone else off guard with that one!
Trixie gets up, furious, and tackles Lopez back down to the mat, throwing wild punches. Lopez breaks free and tags in James Baker! Pledge enters the ring and Trixie jumps on Lopez’s back! The women brawl in the ring and Baker and Pledge going at it now! Baker with a knee to the gut and he drives an elbow into the back of Pledge’s head and then whips him to the ropes…no, Pledge reverses…no, Baker reverses now! And Pledge runs into Danielle Lopez! His head collides directly with her chin and she drops unconscious to the mat.
TT: Oh no…
BC: Woman beater!
TT: Will you shut up, it was clearly an accident…
Pledge looks down at Lopez in horror and immediately stops what he’s doing and tries to help her. James Baker shoves Pledge out of the way and tends to Lopez…Lopez blinks her eyes open and tries to sit up, blood tricking down her chin from her bottom lip. Pledge sees she’s ok and catches Baker from behind…PLEDGE HAMMER!
*DING DING DING!*
Ring Announcer: Here are your winners…TRIXIE LEE AND PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE!
BC: Ha! That was actually a nice move by Pledge!
TT: Well Baker had his back turned and despite Pledge’s concern for Danielle Lopez, he made the cardinal mistake of turning his back on the champion…
BC: You can’t do that at this level, especially not on a veteran like Pledge.
TT: And James Baker will learn that but you can’t blame him for his concern for Danielle…some things are more important than wrestling, Bobby.
BC: Hey, Lopez wants to wrestle men, she better get used to this kind of thing.
TT: Well nonetheless folks, as these two couples swap wins on back to back weeks, we are going to take our final commercial break of the evening and when we come back, it’s main event time, folks!
TT: Welcome back to CWF Saturday Night Showdown, folks…and before we get our Main Event under way, Dennis Donnelly is standing by with Horsemen member Roland Ulv….
DD: I’m here with Sweden’s favorite son, “The Radiant One” Roland Ulv. Radiant One, do you have any last minute remarks about your upcoming bout with Mariano ‘Shadow’ Fernandez?
RRU: MARIANO!!!! I told yuu that I wouldn't bring anii horsem to thii match fur sure. But yuu didn't trust mii... No, yuu had to use some underhanded kidnapping tactic fur sure... WHERE ARE SICKBOY? WHERE ARE TERRY RICHARDS? I will biit yuu tu a pulp until yuu tells mii fur sure! It's going tuuu bii violent, it's going tuuu bii brutal... It's going tuu bi RADIANT! Ja, RADIANT FUR SURE!!! Yuu just unleashed EL SUECO LOCO MAS RADIANTE FUR SURE!!!!! POR CIERTO!!!!
DD: There you have it folks…back to you Teddy!
Cut back to ringside.
TT: Thanks Dennis.
BC: I for one didn’t understand a word the guy just said….but it was special.
TT: Well folks, the time for talking is done…let’s get to the announcer for our introductions.
Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen the following match is scheduled for one fall.
“Elevation” by U2 hits and cuts the announcer off in mid-sentence as the owner and CEO of the CWF, Mark Xamin, steps out from behind the curtain to a thunderous applause. With mic in hand Xamin addresses the CWF faithful.
Mark Xamin: Are you people ready to see The Shadow and The Radiant One beat each other into oblivion?
Fans roar wildly.
Mark Xamin: Good…but first we need to talk about something. The random acts of violence that have become a staple as of late in the CWF have grown out of control. I’ve got a stack of letters about a foot high on my desk with different complaints about match outcomes not just from the superstars of the CWF that are being affected by these run ins, but by the fans as well.
Now, honestly speaking, if I did something every time a prima donna such as a Rob Osbourne or a Brian Adams came complaining to me about something that happened to them I’d have no time to get any work done.
However, when the fans who spend their hard earned money with us start complaining, something needs to be done.
SO….from now through to Halloween night, I want to try a little experiment…the CWF will be under martial law! There will be no count outs….there will be no disqualifications! With that being said…let’s get the main event under way!
Ring Announcer: Ahem….first, hailing from Buenos Aries, Argentina, standing five feet and nine inches tall and weighing in at one hundred and seventy-six and one half pounds…he is a former CWF Unified and National Champion…Mariano ‘Shadow’ Fernandez!
“Hironobu Kageyama” - The Biggest Fight (Dragon Ball Final Bout theme) plays as Mariano walks out onto the ramp. He bows to the crowd and then runs through a series of martial arts maneuvers and then sprints to the ring.
Ring Announcer: And his opponent, hailing from Stockholm, Sweden…standing six feet four inches and weighing in at two hundred and seventy-five pounds…he is a member of The Horsemen….”The Radiant One” Roland Ulv!
“Marcia Carolus Rex” by Wilhelm Harteveld plays as Ulv makes his way onto the ramp. Dressed in his flowing blue robe with yellow Swedish cross on the back and blue trunks with yellow accent he stops to pose, flexing his large biceps and grinning wildly at the camera. He brushes his flowing blonde locks behind his ear with his hand and then proceeds to the ring.
BC: This guy is so old school that even the old schoolers say he’s old school!
TT: Yes, it is refreshing to see such a legend make a triumphant return. More often than not when a legend like Roland comes back, it’s more of an embarrassment to what he once was, not the case with Mr. Ulv.
BC: Déjà vu!
BC: I think you said the same thing when Osbourne made his return back in January. Must be something in the water over at the Horsemen stables….
TT: You may be right, but it’s time for us to get this one….
“Welcome Home” by Coheed and Cambria begins to blast through the arena. The fans pop to their feet. Chemical X rides out atop a stunning all black horse. Dressed in black pants, U.S. Cavalry Boots with silver spurs, his black “UNTOUCHABLE” t-shirt, a yellow scarf, and a black United States Cavalry Stetson.
BC: What the hell does he want?
TT: He’s not involved with this match. You know Bobby, this kind of thing right here with Scarletti is the exact reason Mark just did what he did.
BC: Ironic that Chemical X is riding out here on a horse but he’s not a Horseman.
TT: I think that was the point.
BC: So what then? Is he a wannabe horseman?
TT: No, my daft friend. I think he is going for irony.
Chemical X kicks the horse and it gallops down the entrance ramp. As he gets near the ring, Roland Ulv and Mariano ready themselves. Chemical X pulls up on the reigns and the horse bucks it’s front legs wildly. As it does so, Scarletti leaps off of the horse’s back and onto the ring apron.
BC: Oh come on…
TT: Wait a minute!! Wait a damned minute!!
Just then, from under the ring appears the missing Sickboy and Terry Richards! Richards grabs Scarletti by the ankles and pulls him off the apron, causing Chemical X to crack his chin on the ring apron. As he turns to see his attackers, it is too little too late as Sickboy cracks him with the National championship. Richards and Sickboy heave Scarletti’s knocked out form onto the back of the horse. Sickboy picks up the Stetson hat and mockingly puts it on and leaps onto the saddle. He kicks the sides of the horse and takes off with Scarletti in tow. Richards looks at Ulv who waves him off and he heads up the ramp dejectedly.
TT: What the hell just happened Bobby?
BC: I think….I think Chemical X tried to interfere and the Horsemen hornswaggled him.
TT: Well, one thing that you have to give the Horsemen credit for, they are one of the most intelligent stables in CWF history. They pick their targets with methodical precision and have tunnel vision once they launch their attacks. Give this devil his due, Rob Osbourne has once again put together quite an impressive squad.
BC: Here Teddy, here’s a napkin…
TT: What do I need a napkin for?
BC: You still have some white stuff around the corner of your mouth…
TT: Screw you Crane.
BC: You wish. Looks like the bells about to ring and we’re going to be under way!
TT: And Mariano and Roland tie up in the center of the ring. Ulv quickly gains the advantage over the much smaller Mariano Fernandez. He shoves with full force and Mariano rolls over backwards from the impact.
BC: Size matters not. He took Magnus to the brink last week. And Magnus beat Roland the week before. So based on that logic, Mariano should defeat Roland.
TT: The day we trust your logic Bobby Crane is the day we lock the doors.
Just then the jumbo tron comes up from black to show Terry Richards racing down the hallways of the arena sliding a key into every locker room door and turning it. As the screen fades out the camera cuts back to Roland Ulv who taps his index finger on his temple and grins at Mariano.
BC: Well by god, it seems the week he spent here at the arena has paid off. Apparently the Radiant One secured a skeleton key to the arena.
TT: Well by hook or by crook he did, but that is irrelevant at this point. What’s important is that there won’t be any interference in this match-up unless someone can break down the locked doors.
BC: I didn’t see him lock the Horsemen’s dressing room Teddy.
TT: Indeed. Roland ties back up with Mariano and quickly takes the left arm of Fernandez in a side arm bar.
BC: Ulv now smashing elbow after elbow onto the triceps area of Mariano’s left arm. Finally Ulv relinquishes the hold.
TT: Mariano back to his feet and favoring the left arm, rolling the shoulder trying to regain all the use of the arm. Roland reaches in to tie up once more, but Mariano shoots in with an amateur single leg takedown and the big Swede hits the mat with full impact but quickly rolls out of it and yanks free of Mariano’s grip.
BC: TWO TAKE DOWN BLUE! TWO TAKE DOWN BLUE!
TT: Oh no, not again….
BC: What? He’s throwing down with some amateur moves so I’m calling it like an amateur match Turnbuckle, what’s the problem?
TT: Are you serious? Roland back up to his vertical base once again and once again he locks up with Mariano, this time he ducks under and snaps the arm down hard. Mariano cries out in pain as Ulv brings him all the way to the mat.
BC: Roland locking in the rings of Saturn and putting a tremendous amount of pressure on that already banged up left shoulder of Mariano Fernandez.
TT: Mariano fighting to get loose. He finally gets a foot on the ropes and the referee forces Ulv to break the hold. Fernandez rolls up onto a knee and then stands up, heavily favoring the left shoulder.
BC: Roland Ulv is showing his ring prowess and his wherewithal to pick a spot on the body and focus on it, having tunnel vision to dismantle it.
TT: Mariano Fernandez is in a world of pain right now. He is struggling just to keep his face straight. Roland back on the move and locks up violently, jerking the arm of Mariano extra hard….NO!!! Mariano lets him pull the injured arm and uses the momentum to land a near textbook spinning dragon heel kick and Ulv is down!!!
BC: Mariano sprinting now, off of the far ropes, leaps, plants both feet on the top rope, twists in mid-air and then drops to the mat writhing in pain. The shoulder injury has gotten the better of him and he couldn’t even maintain his momentum.
TT: Roland smells blood and he is all over him. RADIANTPLEX! And a cover by Roland ………1………2………3….NO! KICKOUT BY MARIANO!!!!
BC: How in the blue hell did he kickout? What is wrong with this kid? He has taken beating after beating, week in and week out here in the CWF and still he doesn’t stay down?
TT: Pride, honor, integrity……just to name a few……
BC: There’s pride and honor…and then there’s pure stupidity. I’m going with the latter.
TT: Roland Ulv cannot believe it. He is seething with anger…(pressing hand to earpiece) what’s that? Really? Well put it on the screen…
The big screen lights up to show the dressing room door of Magnus Thunder. Suddenly a loud “thwump” can be heard and a massive protrusion shows up on the exterior of the door. Another “thwump” and a bigger indentation and the scene cuts back to Turnbuckle and Crane.
BC: Uh-oh for Mariano.
TT: Uh-oh for ALL of us.
BC: Roland takes advantage of Mariano’s surprise at the scene on the jumbo tron and nails another Radiantplex!!! Cover by Ulv….1…….2…………3!!!
TT: Radiant wins! Radiant wins! Radiant wins!
BC: But here comes the Nordic Madman…
Just then the big screen shows Magnus finally barreling through the locked dressing room door, nearly taking it off the hinges. He sprints through the backstage area and flies through the gorilla position, down the ramp, and straight into the ring.
BC: Well well, the “big Fjord Monkey” is nose to nose with the Radiant victor. Mariano is down on the mat and you can cut the tension between Ulv and Thunder with a knife!
TT: Business is about to pick up Bobby, because here comes “The Nitemare”!
Osbourne sprints down the ramp in street clothes, slides under the ropes.
BC: Magnus doesn’t even know Osbourne is in the ring. Ulv holds up both hands and takes a step back, Osbourne grabs the ropes with both hands and keys up. Magnus turns around and Osbourne nails a superkick on the former world champion sending him reeling backwards, right into Ulv’s waiting arms and….RADIANTPLEX ON MAGNUS!!!!
TT: But here comes the cavalry….
BC: Chemical X is back on his steed?
TT: Not on your life…it’s The Ruler, and this Wisconsin crowd goes nuts for Paul Blair as he hits the ring and tackles Osbourne. Mariano back on his feet and he nails the Yakuza kick on an unsuspecting Roland Ulv! Sheer pandemonium in the ring folks, and I don’t think this can get any crazier!!
BC: Blair and Osbourne are pummeling each other in the ring…Mariano just dropped Roland Ulv who just dropped Magnus Thunder…..WAIT A DAMNED MINUTE…IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS TEDDY?!
TT: I believe it is!
A kid in the first row, wearing an orange and black hoodie, black jeans and black combat boots hops the guard rail and shimmies up the turnbuckle. He extends both arms out to the side and gives a primal yell and flies through the air grabbing Mariano by the head on his way down into a high impact inverted DDT.
BC: BOB OSBOURNE IS BACK!!!
TT: Badd Dream off of the top rope by the third generation superstar and Mariano is out!
BC: Stick a form in him ma, he’s done!
TT: And here comes Terry Richards and Sickboy out onto the ramp. Osbourne Junior and Senior pull Ulv out of the ring and to safety as Magnus, Blair, and Mariano come to.
BC: So I guess it’s safe to say we now know who the fifth member of The Horsemen is, don’t we?
TT: It appears so Bobby. The five members stand at the top of the ramp and all lift their arms in unison. Magnus, Blair and Mariano seethe from the ring! You can bet next week on Showdown the stuff is gonna hit the fan! We’re out of time folks, see you next week!
The camera zooms in on Bob Osbourne, who flashes the sign of the Horsemen.
Fade to black.
Until next time…